political correctness once again :)

[Happiness]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be

referred to as

'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as

APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore,

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a

BREASTED AMERICAN. '

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3.. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of

RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

(Loved this one!)

6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'TROUSER CLEAVAGE.'

[Richard B the EMT]

My short friends, then, are Altitudinally challenged, and overweight friends are gravitationally challenged.