Parenting. Has the internet distorted normal family interaction?

[DFIB]

In recent months I have observed a recent increase in family members using social media such as FB or YouTube to settle family matters. They will often chastise, discipline or just rant about a child's bad behavior or a parent. I notice that there seem to be a considerable amount of positive comments towards parents when they use these mediums to discipline their children, even when it results in humiliation for the child. Sometimes humiliation seems to be the intent more so than discipline or honest instruction, almost as if the purpose is to get even more than to correct.

Please don't misunderstand, there are few things more aggravating of frustrating than a rebellious, aggressive and disrespectful child but does this behavior justify using the internet to handle personal family matters.

The following video seems wrong to me in so many ways. Are people becoming so far removed from social interaction that they loose the ability to handle family matters in a personal and constructive manner?

What ever happened to "discipline in private, praise in public" approach to instructing children?

http://www.litefm.com/cc-common/mainheadlines3.html?feed=421220&article=9738000

[systemet]

My conclusion, after watching exactly half, then getting very bored, was that if the father's intention was to generally demean himself and appear to be even less mature than his daughter, he achieved it.

Edit:

Watched the second half. I now feel sorry for the daughter. Also I have a vague sense of unease about the future of the human race.

Edited February 10, 2012 by systemet

[Happiness]

Well as a parent who tried inventave ways to disapline my boys (most of them did what I wanted them to do) I really have to say I was not offended at all by this post. He took a situation that was started on facebook and ended it on facebook. The one thing about the internet is that you never get the whole story of what happened before this particular parent felt he had to do this post. Really he could have given her a cardboard sign and put her on the corner we have seen that done, and dont forget the dunce cap, so we really have had public humiliation in society for a long time. This is just a new way to do it. And I bet she isn't going to post insulting things against her family anymore.

I have enjoyed social media as a source to communicate with my children. My youngest can be moody to say the least and it may sound stupid but we communicated through FB chat even if he was sitting beside me. Now this wasn't the only way we talked but he was better able to type down words then to actually say them. I also have used it to kind of keep track of what he is up to now that he is on his own. I think that it is in all how you use the new tools that are going to make the difference.

[DwayneEMTP]

You know, in our situation, I can't really say about parenting, but what about families in general?

I know that Babs and I enjoy a much richer, sexier, fuller life that we likely would have without out internet personas. Maybe this doesn't apply to all couples, but I can't see any reason that it should be about remote couples only...

There are just simply some things that are really tough to say face to face. Some relationship things, some sexual things...I was shocked to find out who she was when we chatted online, mostly in a good way. There were a ton of things that she didn't know how to say. Of course the same is true of me as well, believe it or not, and our relationship is so much richer, and fuller, and relaxed than it was before.

Would we ever have reached this point, said all of those things, if we didn't have the faceless internet to hide behind while we bared our souls? I don't know, but it doesn't feel like we would have...

Now, it's possible that others here are going to tell me how they've never had such issues, that their relationships are open and honest with nothing hidden. After 25 years of marriage? On 99% of you I'm calling bullshit, the other 1%, rock on!!

I don't see any way that the family dynamic can't change when run over with this relatively new technology. But the bottom line is that the core will/should still be living as 'a family'...

As with everything new where humans are involved. If it becomes terribly popular we at first call it shit, then we get completely lost in it to our detriment, then after we've blown our wad we step back a bit and try and approach it from a more logical point of view....I think with social media that we're in the 'lost' stage...

Was dad an asshole on the video? No idea as it's blocked here. But I'll tell you a couple of things that I believe. The first is that it makes little difference for his family. All of our idiotic crap seems to average out as long as there is love at the core.

And if he was, it's good for the rest of us. We need people to be to kind, and to evil, and to stupid, and to raunchy and to chaste, etc....that is where we get the information that we need to get past the 'lost' stage and get on with the work of life, and being more productive...IMNSHO

Dwayne

[BillKaneEMT]

I think Dwayne's dead on with his assessment of where we are regarding social media. In my opinion there's nothing wrong with facebook being used to assist family interaction. I watched the video and saw that the father has decided to do his parenting Alec Baldwin style. So be it. I am not a parent and I try not to judge those who are, in this case I thought the dad made himself look a bit foolish though I imagine his daughter was far more embarrassed by it. If he believes that this course of action is necessary to handle his offspring then so be it. His child, his choice of method.

Here's where I see a problem. Far, far too many people are using social media as a replacement for social interaction. If it's used a supplement it can be beneficial; as a pure substitute it is a tremendously bad idea (excepting those people who are, by reasons of physical distance, unable to interact with loved ones directly). I had dinner a few weeks ago with my cousins, aunt, uncle and a few of their friends and it was a perfect illustration. My 3 cousins spent the entire meal on their smartphones, responding monosyllabically to conversation or ignoring it entirely. When I got home I saw that they had been posting to each other and friends about the dinner. They had an entire evenings conversation, including greetings and thanks to me, and I couldn't get a word out of them the entire night!!

This sort of thing occurs more often than I'm comfortable with, sometimes even in folks of my age group or older. From my (admittedly limited) experience teens/20's are most commonly afflicted with the belief that social media is an adequate substitution for All Forms Of Socializing. I am given hope by the fact that some of my friends who are still in their 20's have expressed irritation and occasionally outright disgust with the way Facebook and Twitter have taken over the social lives of most people they know. They seem to be approaching the "step back a bit" phase. I hit that stage a while ago and now I simply use FB to check messages and keep up with my friends and family who spend 8 hours a day using it. How fortunate that I can learn what sort of blended coffee drink my friend in Arizona purchased at Starbucks this morning, also that she found it slightly watery and bland. Also that her barista was cute. Also that he needs to pluck his eyebrows. Whatever would I do without this ever so important information regarding a barista at a starbucks 2000 miles away??

This came out longer than I anticipated. Not trying to type your ears off here. Here's hoping more folks decide to moderate their social media percentage from 98% to, say, 30%. *crosses fingers*

[DwayneEMTP]

Bill...+5, excellent post...

Dwayne

[MongoMedic2]

I just have a few comments on this video...First and foremost we have no idea what this father deals with on a day to day basis. I mean kids these days are so focused on the social media, that maybe that is the only way to reach out to them. If that is truly the case for this father, I feel sorry for both him and his daughter. Maybe this was a desperate act to basically beg for her attention.

As happiness had mentioned, he uses it as a fun way to communicate to his boy and keep up with them in their lives away from the nest. I am sure that there is more than one of here that use to communicate with our families while away on remote gigs or with friends while at work or even accross the room from them. I mean I have even been guilty and text from about three feet away from her to say lets get the hell out of a party that I was completely bored at.

Now DFIB I agree with you, with the whole praise in public punish in private. But lets face it we can't sit in judgement of this guy not knowing the whole (I mean the absolute truth) of his relationship with his daughter. I mean obviously this is a broken home with the parents being divorced, and an obvious disconnect between himself and his daughter. Lets face it there is not one of us here that are perfect parents (not meaning to bash anybodies parenting skills). We all make brash decisions and even sometimes end up regreting them. The unfortunate part is these things that we call children do not come with manuels. You can read every self help bood from Dr. Spock's how to raise a child to Marilyn Manson's nightmare of raising kids (no idea if that one even exist) and there is not one child that will ever fit that mold except the one they wrote about.

Our parents (well at least mine) used to get on to us about playing atari and watching MTV all day and wasting our time. They said it was the plague that was kill off a generation. Social media is great tool. It can be used in a very positive aspect, a way to send a condolence, or just tweet that you just twitted for the first time. With parenting we often look at different ways to communicate with our children. Although I think that most would agree that face to face is the best way, but when push comes to shove we need to cut the guy some slack, he is obviously deperate to reach out to his daughter.

MongoMedic

[Cookie]

I am going to weigh in on this subject playing the devils advocate so to speak. We don't know the whole story. We heard the daughters rant, and we heard the fathers reply. I had a daughter who was and still is the drama queen. She thought and told people I was a slave driver, we did not have internet till she was in college, so social media was not the problem. She was required to pick up her clothes and make her bed and don't leave dishes and glasses sitting all around the house. A simple request to bring the dirty clothes to the hamper so I could do laundry on my day off resulted in a long drawn out tirade which touched on every subject matter possible. The day came when I finally got tired of her tirade and she did not have any clean clothes to wear. A lesson learned, but hey, like MongoMedic said they don't come with manuals. It sad that he chose to use social media to respond to his daughter's vent. Personally this probably made the daughter even more angry and solved nothing. This father and daughter need face to face time without the interference of social media maybe with a counselor, mediator or someone who can be objective.

A side note here, my daughter is in her thirties with children of her own, I hear often how she askes her 10 year old daughter to pick up her clothes and keep her room clean and how she gets this drama about having to do everything! I just sit and smile and think payback time is so sweet! It surely is.

Cookie, mother to two, grandmother of three and one on the way. Actually three children, only the one is 61 and he still after 40 years cannot seem to find the kitchen sink for his coffee cup, he does make the bed and put his clothes in the hamper though.

[Richard B the EMT]

A side note here, my daughter is in her thirties with children of her own, I hear often how she askes her 10 year old daughter to pick up her clothes and keep her room clean and how she gets this drama about having to do everything! I just sit and smile and think payback time is so sweet! It surely is.

Ancient Jewish curse: "May you have children just like yourself!" Sounds like you had a personification of that, Cookie.

[EMTDenny]

Wow I heard about this but I never really paid attention to the video. No comment as of now cause I have to get ready for work.... But interesting thread.