How can I make my husband understand?

[emtek]

I am taking EMT-B classes. My husband is supportive, but he does make little comments like" why do you want to do that, you don't get paid crap" .I try to tell him people don't get into EMS to become rich, we do it because it's a passion. He also makes comments about all the hours that I'll be working. Does anyone have any advice on how I can make him understand?

[Medic2588]

Buy him my books on Amazon. He'll understand completely, and will probably want to join you. Seriously, that's not just a shameless plug.

EMS: The Job of Your Life

EMS II: The Life of Your Job.

Devin

[EMTVT]

My father was the same way. I continued because of my passion for it. I told him stories of calls and over time he has grown to accept that part of my life and respects me. Not to mention that he loves telling his coworkers about what I do. My advice: Don't push it. They love you so they will accept and learn too.

[emt3225]

I know what you are going through..My honey tells me that i was doing a great thing by becoming a emt b and supported me all the way..I even went on to take the emt cc class which is 10 months long and he continued to support me through that..Now when it comes to me responding to calls i get all these little neg comments..it makes me nuts..He makes me feel like i dont spend enough time with him..I have a percentage i have to make each month with the ambulance corp..Its a struggle to make percentage because of him giving me a hard time..Time does not change anything..I hate being made to feel guilty for doing something i enjoy..Good luck..Let us know what happens.

[Ridryder 911]

These things need to be worked out as soon as possible, they will not get better with time. I suggest involve them in your studies , practice or even let them participate in scenarios at school. Maybe a ride-a-long will let them understand the " need"...

If have tried the usual suggestions, counseling should be considered as soon as possible to help increase dialog and communication skills...

Good luck,

Ridryder 911

[emswife]

I have been a non-ems wife for more than a dozen years. In the beginning it was hard to adjust, especially if his schedule and my schedule kept us from seeing must of each other for several days. But I have always felt grateful that he likes what he does for a living, because alot of people don't. I couldn't imagine my husband doing anything else now, and I'm just used to the crazy hours (which I now look at as "me" time to do my thing). Give it time, lots of time, and understand it may be a rough adjustment for him. Make the most of the time you spend together, let him know your love for your job is not something he needs to compete with. I think the negative comments are just a cry for attention, don't let them get to you too much, just give him a kiss, tell him you love him, and answer the call. Good luck!

[Guest]

I totally agree with Rid. And I totally understand what you are going through. My divorce is almost final. I hate to see that happen to anyone else. Its not all because of my love for ems...he was supportive, but there were a lot of times that he felt I chose it over him. Now there were bigger factors that caused us to go this route. But all I can say is....be strong in your marriage, make it the most important, ems second...and get him involved in what you are doing. Ive known a couple who have done this career for 30 some years...they are still as much in love with each other. Maybe its because they do ems together, or they were just ment for each other. It not only takes special people to do ems...but it also takes special people to be married to someone in ems. I wish you the best and stay strong and make him feel he is important too. And on the days that you are not working....do something special with each other.

[emswife]

I found myself wondering what it is that your husband does for a living. Could he feel threatened by your job? Does it makes him feel inadequate? Could he be unhappy with what he does, and resent you finding something you enjoy making a living at? Men can be funny when it comes to issues of provider roles. If he is unhappy with what he does, is there something he wants to do and just needs a nudge? I don't know enough about his situation to know why your job makes him insecure. Maybe him being more involved would help, and you a little less involved...Marriage is a crazy balancing act, with lots of ups and downs, and sometimes a marriage makes it just because you weathered it out in down times. I've always seen my marriage as a work in progress, and what I get out of it correlates with what I give, and I try to tell my husband if there is something I need from him that I'm not getting. And he's seen enough of his friend's marriages go south that he makes our marriage his first priority. Make sure you talk to him about how his comments make you feel, he may not realize it bothers you so much because at the moment he's being a little self absorbed. Don't let it bottle up. If after trying to talk things through, you can't seem to find an understanding that makes you both happy, then maybe you should consider counseling. I know from my experience, the spouse does not need to understand your job, they don't even need to relate to it, they just need to respect you and what you have chosen to do with your life. They need to be there when you need them, and know when you might need to talk to others who might understand their experiences better. And the same is true for you.

[Dustdevil]

I found myself wondering what it is that your husband does for a living. Could he feel threatened by your job?

I doubt it is that complicated. Men aren't complicated creatures. It is more than likely as simple as him not liking the idea of coming home to a dark, empty house with no dinner on the table. You're asking him to change his lifestyle for your temporary craving for trauma. That isn't the lifestyle he signed on to when he said, "I do." Men like stability. I can't blame him for not being particularly excited about it. And no amount of convincing him what a noble calling it is is going to make him happier about it.

Rid's right. You need professional counseling for this. Otherwise the resentment is going to grow on both sides and you're doomed.

[Guest]

I doubt it is that complicated. Men aren't complicated creatures. It is more than likely as simple as him not liking the idea of coming home to a dark, empty house with no dinner on the table. You're asking him to change his lifestyle for your temporary craving for trauma. That isn't the lifestyle he signed on to when he said, "I do." Men like stability. I can't blame him for not being particularly excited about it. And no amount of convincing him what a noble calling it is is going to make him happier about it.

Rid's right. You need professional counseling for this. Otherwise the resentment is going to grow on both sides and you're doomed.

Men do like stability and so do women. I know that you can make it work to where both of you are happy. Counseling is a good thing..maybe that will help you both understand each other....either way there needs to be total communication and understanding on both your idea's and views on your marriage and your career's. EMS life can be very demanding and you need to know if both of you are willing to except that and the sacrifices that come with it. Again I wish you luck and a happy marriage.