How can I make my husband understand?

[emtek]

Thank you all for the good advice. We did sit down the other night and I asked him why he didn't like the idea of me becoming a EMT. And finally he admitted that he feels like he has had to go to a job that he doesn't really like to support his family. He said he doesn't get to follow his "dream" like I am doing because he has to put food on the table and a roof over our head. So I guess in a way he is jealous, I think he also thinks that I wont have time for him anymore.

[Ridryder 911]

Glad you are at least discussing this. As I have posted above I believe counseling should be required for married EMT's and EMS students. It is very hard for couples as well as those with prior relationships when entering EMS.

As you have pointed out " he appears jealous" that he is not able to follow his dream... etc. There appears to be more involved than just your change into profession. Again, these private matters are usually more in-depth than one realizes and good counselors are able to find them out and help couples address and work on them; hopefully before trouble arises.

We wish you the best of luck,

Ridryder 911

[emswife]

I'm very glad you found the courage to sit down and have an honest discussion between the two of you. It's not always easy, sometimes you're afraid you'll make matters worse, only it's usually the opposite. Don't be afraid to pursue your dream, if he truly loves you, then he will ultimately respect you more for doing so. I hope he finds the courage to pursue his dream, sometimes insecurities hold us back from doing so, just be as encouraging as you can be for him. It's not always easy working with the schedule of an EMS spouse, especially if there are children involved. I have spent many long drawn out years pursuing my educational and career dreams, trying to be the stable one for the kids. It can be frustrating at times, but I will accomplish my goals, it may take a little longer is all. Alot of people spend most of their lives working jobs they hate, and that makes me sad for them. Each of you need to work at your marriage; you are partners, equal and whole. No other relationship should ever come before the one you have with your spouse, it is the foundation you have laid for everything else to come. Don't get too caught up in all the negative relationship talk you'll hear in regards to your job (high divorce rate, affairs, etc.); relationships can and do work for alot of people in your line of work, and the reasons for that stuff isn't necessarily related to the job. Just keep talking, don't be afraid of letting each other know if something is bothering one of you, or if you feel neglected. Stay connected, and good luck.

[emt-bkyohwv]

I see it has been a while since this subject was broached, but I have to say I have been married to my husband for almost 15 years. He has been an emt for the last 10 years ( and we both love it), he was truck driver b4 this, and we never got time together. Now he still works the long hours usually 90 per week, but when we are both home we actually have something to talk about other than the kids. I love to listen to him talk about the crazy frenzy of it all; from the emergency calls to the doctor hauls, they may do. I hope things have and do work out.

[icebergmedic]

I've been in EMS for almost 20 years, last 13 maried to a nurse... just lucky I guess... if your hubby has a firstaid/CPR ticket, encourage him to do a ride along... or get involved with any comunity events with your service. good luck with this and don't let your EMS Love consume your life...

[mamamo899]

Glad you seem to be working this out. Sounds like you belong to a volunteer agency? When I decided to become an EMT, then the further CCT (at that time I was told NO MORE school until the baby was in kindergarten!) As I was working 48 hours as an EMT then gone 3 nights a week, I have been there and done that. The absolute key is to keep the lines of communication open without resentment for what is being said/felt. I wish you the best of luck!

[medik8]

I doubt it is that complicated. Men aren't complicated creatures. quote]

:shock: You mean I've been wrong all this time? HUH? lmao...

Sorry dust...just having fun...

Anyway...

Yeah...don't let this go. Take it from someone who's been there...Depending on your situation, it may or may not get worse...but chances are it will. This thing rears its ugly head all the time in marriages of EMS/Firefighters/Police/Doctors...etc. The spouses almost never seem to understand. And those that do, are very rare. It's not that they're bad people...it's like dust said...stability is important in a marriage. Not having a normal routine, dinner time together, conversation time, sleep/snuggle time. All that takes its toll. It's not the dream people have when they get married, and it gets old quick. Sometimes to the point of no return/no fixing.

If you love him and want to make this work, you've got to try to put yourself in his shoes. He, likewise, needs to understand that this is your dream/passion, and to try to be happy for you. You may need a third person. There are going to be a lot of emotions that may make you feel angry, make you feel like he is being selfish, make you feel guilty...the list goes on. I hope you work things out. But don't make the mistake that so many of us do...and that's to ignore it. It will NOT go away. You can bury it as deep as you want to...and it will keep resurfacing. You have to talk this one out.

Wish you lots of luck...deal with this and I'm sure it will be just fine...

:wink: 8

[emtkelley]

deleted

[Guest]

good luck with this and don't let your EMS Love consume your life...

I think that is great advice!

My husband is a full time EMT-B with a private company and also attending school to become a EMT-P. In the beginning it was really hard for me to get used to him being gone so much. For the past 7 years he was always home with me every night. I felt lost, lonely and scared.

However now I have gotten used to it somewhat. I have also started taking classes myself to become an EMT-B.

[PrissyEMT]

It's really rough when your significant other doesn't understand what you're going through, and isn't quite as supportive as they should be. It's eventually what drove my ex and I apart. Now granted, I wasn't married, so it wasn't as big of a commitment I was leaving... but we just couldn't work things out. I felt like he started to resent me for going to EMT and Paramedic classes, and never had one supportive or positive thing to say about it. And he then decided to use the "you're never home" excuse to cheat on me, and expected me to understand and forgive him for it (because, after all he's just "a man with needs" LOL).

If things were different, and I were married, or even if he hadn't cheated, I probably would've put more effort into resolving our problems, but everything in life happens for a reason, and in my situation, I'm much happier to be going through Paramedic classes without him. I've got all the support of my wonderful friends, and I can honestly say that right now in my life, I couldn't be happier. But then again, that's not to say I'm not still looking for Mr. Right who understands my drive for EMS! LOL :wink: