runswithneedles Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Last weekend I was dispatched to a residence to transfer a hispanic woman who was actively dying to hospice. Upon arrival all of the family was present. Their was something floating in the air other than the amazing Mexican food they were cooking for dinner. Their was a ocean of sadness. It wasnt the typical scene of a woman actively dying. They were all very quiet. Very solemn. The 2nd eldest son arrived shortly before us loading their mother onto the stretcher. He requested if time permitted a family prayer be done before we take her to hospice. My partner and I agreed to it. At this point this massive family gathered into the room and join hands and bowed their heads. We were not asked to leave or stay so to not cause a stir me and my partner bowed our heads in silence. The entire prayer was 2 minutes long and entirely in spanish. Through out the prayer the room remained silent. Not a cough, throat clearing, or sniffle. After the prayer was complete we loaded her onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. The 2nd eldest son asked if he may ride; my partner and I had him sign the 3rd rider release and were on our way. I asked him how he was doing. And he just told me hes hanging in their. We continued to talk back and fourth. I learned from him his mother was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer only 6 weeks ago. The doctors determined it was too late to treat it as it spread throughout the body.And as I continued the short transfer I had this huge urge to cry. But being professional I was barely able to hold it back. Once we arrived to Hospice and transferred care I went into the room where the family was waiting to see her. I gave a hug to each and everyone of their family members and wished them best of luck. Including the son who rode with me. I have never gone so far as to offer a hug to family members. I usually tell them best of luck and head on my way and maybe shake their hand and offer kind words and condolences. But for some reason this run really hit me emotionally. Why did this one hit me and not others?
CPhT Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 It's hard to say why you reacted the way you did. Maybe you were reminded of something subconsciously... maybe the family reminded you of a friend's family, or maybe it was just the atmosphere of it all. Who knows why we react the way we do, except maybe your shrink or your significant other. The good thing I would take from the experience is that you're still a caring person and that EMS hasn't robbed you of your humanity like the horror stories we sometimes here from burnt out medics. Take some time and reflect... relax... be proud that you're still human. 1
Eydawn Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You did the right thing. We care for our patients both psychologically and emotionally... and in this case, the family was your patient just as much as the woman who was dying. You recognized that need... and you responded to it, professionally and compassionately. It's OK to cry, too. You were moved by the tragedy that hit this family... that's normal. Blubbering mess, no... shedding tears in empathy with a patient? Sure. Who can say why this particular call got you... but it did. And you responded very well, IMHO. Now, if it starts waking you up... then it's time to see someone to help you process it. But if you move on from this knowing that you were able to use your compassion and that you still recognize your patients as human beings, rather than just puzzles, then this was a good experience for you. Maybe there was something you were meant to learn on this call. *Shrugs* impossible to say for certain. Pancreatic cancer is a bitch. They caught it at stage I in my father in law, and he died just a little over a year from diagnosis after nano-knife surgery to get at the tumor... surgery went well, his body couldn't cope with the stress of it though and that was all she wrote. It's one of the most deadly cancers out there, and it is brutally painful as well. Wendy CO EMT-B
mobey Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Funny how that works sometimes. I consider myself an expert at keeping emotions at an arms length. I rarely attatch any emotion to any call. I just approach it as a clinical job, and fake the genuine concern. My patients know no different, and I carry on without losing sleep. Every once in a while though, I really get hit hard by a patient. I remember recently a young redhead girl giving birth, and going into a life threatening post partum hemmorage. Over the next few days I caught myself holding back tears as I recalled her lying there asking how her baby was, all the while making a speedy trip to the grim reaper herself. Other people can code right in front of me, and I don't bat an eye. I can't explain it either, but as always, if you stop eating/sleeping it is badness. Sorrow is natural.
Happiness Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 In the Haida world when someone is dying or is sent to the hospital everyone from the village shows up. It is a bit overwelming to those who dont do this in their own culture. You have just discovered one of the best things in EMS and that is feeling compfortable enough to stay for the prayer, comunicate with the family and to be able to give that family a hug. The hugs can be few and far between but you will remember every one of them.
paramedicmike Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Why did this one hit me and not others? Because you're a decent human being. Don't lose that. At some point in your life you might find it's the only thing you have left. 1
runswithneedles Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 mobey nailed it right on the head. I dont like showing my emotions during a run. Because Im concerned of starting a emotional chain reaction on a scene. But also I was touched and in some way in awe. The Mexican culture is so amazing in many ways. One of key points is that they are still extremely family oriented as a whole. And to see all of them come together as they did, it reminds me that even in a materialistic monster most of society has turned into. That some individuals know and understand what truly is important in this world. And by knowing what is truly important they can enjoy it as this family has clearly done so before like it goes away. Money buys alot of things in this world. But they knew money does buy time lost.
MongoMedic2 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 This is what EMS is about right here. As we advance in our carreers in EMS, some of us simply become jaded and hardened to the feelings of family members. We never intend for this to happen it just does. We need to pay special attention to request of family members in times such as this. By allowing them to have that extra 2 minutes of spiritual connect with their mother, you and your partner experienced the bond that probably holds that family together. By talking with the son, while driving to the hospice center, you connected with him during what is a difficult time for him. In all honesty they will probably remember the experience with you and your partner longer than you two do. By connecting with this family the way you did, you experienced the emotions that family is going through as they have now accepted their mother dying. That in itself is a powerful time and to see that closeness, that love that they feel for this woman, and the presence of the God that they believe in, and this is sure to stay with you for a long time to come. As Paramedic Mike said, don't loose that compasion. It is what will make a difference in other people's life that you come accross not only in this job, but also your life. MongoMedic
mikemedic999 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 May i chuck im my 2 pennies.... We meet people when they are at their most vulnerable,and make them feel like holding their hand is the ONLY thing that matters... Congratulations your a decent caring human being.... Relative:your a nurse?i always wanted to be a nurse...what do u make Nurse:you ask what i make? I make holding your dads hand the most important thing when he is afraid...i make my family wait for tea,so that i can make sure someone else has theirs. Today someone may throw a critically ill baby into my arms,and i will save them...you ask what i make...I MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
Kiwiology Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Somebody is just jealous nurses are a band above on the Agenda For Change That Will Not Appear in Your Back Pocket
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