Funny calls

[craig]

drunk teens, dustbuster and a stupid prank... poor bastard cracked a chubby once the thing started sucking and in a panick withdrew quickly, slicing it open on a a sharp bit of the plastic shroud

did you cry bushy?

[HERBIE1]

So many...

One of my faves- 3AM, call for the injured person. Drunk clown had broken into a liquor store after hours, climbed out of a roof vent, made it down- 2 stories. Apparently at that point he decided to consume some of his loot before he continued. Bad choice, since his last obstacle to freedom was a 10 foot high wrought iron fence, which he climbed, but promptly impaled himself on it and was not moving. He looked like a scarecrow. Got a ground ladder, climbed up, and as I was checking for a pulse, the guy opened his eyes, looked at me, and said 'What the fuck do you want??" Scared the crap out of me and I nearly fell off the ladder. Turns out the injury was superficial- he was mostly impaled through his pants leg. He was able to climb down the ladder on his own, and was promptly arrested.

2nd-

Had a guy who was a flight attendant with an uncontrollable epistaxis inflight. Apparently an old ER nurse was on board and gave him a couple tampons to stick up his nose to stop the bleeding. Bravo- old school trick. The guy had a towel to his face, but it appeared the bleeding had stopped. His BP was a bit elevated, he was quite upset, and was talking to his boyfriend on his phone, who was trying to calm him down. The patient handed me the phone, and the boyfriend told us our patient was pretty dramatic and a bit of a sissy(his assessment, not ours), but I assured him this was a legit medical problem, so we calmed him down, worked him up, and transported. Brought him in to the ER, gave report to the nurse, and I left to complete my report. My partner and I returned to the room to drop off the run report where our patient was and found the doctor, waiting for the patient who had gone to the restroom down the hall. I gave the doc a quick report, said his BP was elevated, and the doctor said- "My BP would be elevated too if I had 2 tampons stuck up my nose." We all laughed and just as we started to leave, the doctor looks behind us and says "Oh my gawd!" We turn- since that's generally not something you hear from a seasoned ER doc- and we see our patient proudly strolling down the hallway with the tampon strings swinging back and forth from his nose. We literally ran out of the ER to avoid laughing in the guy's face. My partner's assessment: he looked like some demented gay walrus. We nearly pissed ourselves laughing, and was completely unable to function. 10 minutes later, even the doc had to come outside from the ER to compose himself.. I can honestly say I have never before laughed so hard at work.

[BushyFromOz]

r

did you cry bushy?

i did, i belt so bad for you i couldn't help myself

[Richard B the EMT]

One of the first 25 calls I've done, over my 38 years...

1 AM (ish), late May of 1974. Responded for a car versus elevated train line pillar, with the Volunteer Ambulance Corps. Municipal EMS already on the scene on our arrival. My VAC crew had never worked together, and this might have been our very first call at all, so we were more than a bit uncoordinated.

EMS had one on the stretcher, told us we could take the second, walking, victim. We placed her on the long backboard, already on the stretcher (a Ferno 30TC, in the low position), effected full body immobilization, and loaded her into the ambulance.

About 4 minutes later, we arrived at the hospital. First off, all 4 of us thought someone else had the release handle to "drop the landing gear", so we bobbed up and down a few times, before somebody pulled the release. Then, we bobbed a few more times, until that someone remembered to release it, locking it in the highest raised position (I honestly cannot recall if I was the one on the release or not). Then, we rolled it into the ER. and were directed to place the patient onto an examining bed.

We released what we thought were the straps to the 30TC, and attempted to move the patient, on the backboard, to the examining bed, but the board only moved a few inches, and stopped. We pulled harder, and the patient complained. Oops, we'd undone the long-board straps!

We released all the straps, and moved the patient, on the board, to the bed, and stood around, as we'd never recalled instructions on removing the board. After a quick check of the patient, the Doctor told us we could remove the board, which we did, but in the process, we managed to pull the patient's wig off!

Somehow, we managed not to laugh at our situation until we got out into the corridor again, then we almost ended up rolling on the floor with laughter at our ineptness. Our timing was off, as that happened, just as an NYPD Highway Patrol LEO walked in, and wanted to know what was so funny, only to be greeted by more laughter from us.

FYI, of our quartet, myself and one other eventually retired after years of service with the Municipal EMS, even after the merger into the FDNY. Another went on to briefly be a combat medic in the Israeli Army. I don't recall who our 4th riding crewmember was.

[PamelaAnn]

At least twice a week, my partner and I get a call an hour before our end of shift

For CPR In progress in a nearby park...one of our local homeless persons finishes his second bottle of Vodka around that time and goes to sleep...his girlfriend always tells someone in the park that he is dying, and yet again one more innocent good Samaritan initiates CPR on this guy. (shaking my head...). That guy always has one or two broken ribs, but always has a smile on his face when we load him up to go to the ER.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

Edited June 3, 2012 by PamelaAnn

[emtdennis]

It os some of these wacky calls that break the stress and could make the job "fun". I am not implying I like to see someone hurt in any way, but that is what most of our calls are for!!

[CPhT]

I'll start it out with the 22 year old psych pt... She arrived via our bus to the local ED. I told her "ok, you just need to change into a hospital gown" and before I could finish my sentence, she flopped her sundress to the floor. Nothing on underneath, and she was definitely not bad looking. Took me a minute to regain my professionalism, but I threw the gown over her and tied it closed before the rest of the room got a show too.

Then, transporting a 99 year old lady back to a nursing home. She was completely non-verbal, non-responsive, and ignored basically everyone in the room. We sheeted her to the cot, strapped her in, and headed for the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, she went AOx3 and said "thank god you guys showed up, that bitch in the next bed wouldn't leave me alone. I had to play dumb to get her to shut up".

Finally, had an older lady call 911 for chest pain at 0-dark-30. Showed up to a lady on her front porch with suitcases packed, who stood up and started towards us with a "what took you so long?". When asked about her chest pain, she said, "oh, my chest is fine. I have a headache though, and they always give me vicodin at the hospital". I said, "ok, we're on the way to the hospital, we just need to make a quick stop off at the police station so you can talk to them about the proper use of 911".

[DFIB]

We were IFT with a pre-eclamptic patient with no insurance from a rural clinic to a hospital. We had been to two hospitals that had turned her down. The Mag Sulfate was working and her BP was better as well as other symptoms. Before we arrived at the last chance hospital for definitive care I tell the patient what the symptoms for pre-ecampsia are so she can affirm them when questioned. We arrive at a government, teaching hospital. After a 30 min wait in the hall a Dr. that looks like he is 12 y/o steps out to consult our patient. Her BP is back up a little as "Dr. Houser" asks her If she is seeing spots in her vision. The patient replies "What? I can't hear you because my ears are ringing, look at my hands how swollen they are!"

I secretly laughed all the way back to the station.

[Richard B the EMT]

We had been to two hospitals that had turned her down.

Wow, imagine the lawsuits if that had happened in New York!

State law is interpreted as, a patient presented, or presenting themself, at an ER MUST be seen, at that ER. Admittedly, that doesn't take into account a "walk-in" arriving at a hospital on "Diversion", and the delay before they're going to be seen.

[DFIB]

Wow, imagine the lawsuits if that had happened in New York!

State law is interpreted as, a patient presented, or presenting themself, at an ER MUST be seen, at that ER. Admittedly, that doesn't take into account a "walk-in" arriving at a hospital on "Diversion", and the delay before they're going to be seen.

Socialized medicine isn't all it is cracked up to be.