Kaisu Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Here I am struggling with a personal decision (again) and this is the one true place where I can just let it all hang out. I have been working towards a flight medic position since I started EMS. The job became open a few days ago. I am honored to count the base manager and the most influential member of the selection team as a friend. (He was a newbie about 6 months after I started at an eat-your-young type service and we became friends). His number 2 man is my best friend's husband. The manager told me that although they had 1000+ applications, I am at the top of the list if I want it. I go into all this detail so that you know that this job is as much in the bag as anything can be. I would be thrilled to be doing it. The problem - my family is in big trouble. Since I arrived here in Canada, I have supported and assisted my youngest child's (21 yom) decision to become sober after 3 years of daily pot smoking. He has been clean for 2 1/2 weeks and has a job interview tomorrow. My granddaughter completed a treatment program 3 days ago and I am home schooling her to get 2 credits so that she can go to a regular high school in the fall. My eldest daughter faced financial difficulties because of poor relationship decisions and cannot get her mortgage renewed. She is paying interest only at 12% for a year. I have several months work on her home to get it into condition to sell so she can get out from under and get her equity out for a fresh start. My mother and father are both very ill. I have been supervising their medical treatment and making sure they are compliant and as well as can be expected. My husband is alone in Arizona currently. He also has health issues. I am flying back to AZ at the end of the month and bringing him to our home in WI for the summer. He resents the time and energy I am spending on my family and attacks my efforts to help as "enabling". Most of you know that my brother committed suicide last August. I cannot live with myself if I abandon the people I love when I am truly being helpful and something awful happens. I have pretty well decided that I will tell the flight company that I would love the job but would not be available until September. I'm pretty sure that means I am kissing the job off.... I would appreciate any comments you may have. Thank you so much for listening. I love you all. 1
Just Plain Ruff Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Crapmagnet, I truly cannot know what you are going through. But here is what I would do with your two friends on the helicopter service. Sit down with them, they obviously know what you are going through. There are some times when you just have to sit down to a come to jesus meeting and this might be it and talk to them. Tell them your story, tell them you might not be available till sept. See what they say. Ask them if they will hold the job? If they want you bad enough they will hire someone for this current position and then keep the next one open for you. If the job is meant for you the job will be yours just not on a timeline that is right this instant. On a alteranate note, Maybe it's time to put yourself first for once. I'm an outsider looking in, having read y our posts here, I only see your side but as an outside looking in you've provided many many chances to your family and you've been there for them and maybe like the mother robin, it's time to help them to help themselves. I have no idea how you will do that or if you can even make yourself do it but there comes a time when your pitcher becomes empty and you have to fill it back up before you can begin to pour it out again. But that's all I really have to help you on this journey as I don't have the same common frame of reference as you. I'm sure others can help you more. All I can offer you is a kind word and a few short sentences in a prayer said a couple of times a week. Michael 2
Arctickat Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 If these two are the friends you believe them to be, they will understand. Opportunities will open up for you in the future and if you're as much as a shoe in as you've been told, it would likely be better to wait for the next opportunity. How will you feel if your new employer has to consistently search for a short term replacement for you because a crisis has developed with a family member? I have a philosophy of never hiring a friend because it's a great way to end a friendship, and I have few enough to begin with.
mikeymedic1984 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I agree with arctikat in that there will be other opportunities in the future, so this may not be the time to take on a new job. But if I may suggest something, it sounds like it is time for a family meeting (the whole extended family), to discuss everyone's role and responsibility in these situations. If you want to help any of the kids/grandkids that is fine, but you should not be obligated too. As I read it, all of their problems were caused by their poor decisions and I am guessing this is not the first time they have been in trouble; if they continue to not have to pay the price for those consequences, the cycle will never stop. Where are your brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, your other children that are grown ? Meet with them and ask them to share the burden. If that fails, consider moving everyone into one big house somewhere, so that if the kids/grandkids cannot find work, they can atleast help with the healthcare and chores around the house. Remember that counseling is not a bad thing, and there may be support groups out there that can help you. But if you choose to bail everyone out, I would set a date specific for when it ends, and say, "I will help your for "x" months, after that, I need to get back to living my life". There is treatment for drug addiction if they want it, and the house may take years to sell, you could be on the hook for years if you do not handle this right. Remember, you do have a life, and you do not know how many years you have left. What would they do if you were not here ? Sorry all this has happened to you, will put you in my prayers, good luck. 1
cscboulder11 Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Tough times. Sorry that you're going through all of this. Although everything you listed is a pressing issue, I feel your husband's resentment needs to be addressed immediately. Left unchecked, that's just going to fester and make an already bad situation worse. For your daughter, has she talked to a finical adviser? Beyond that, I'm not sure what she can do. For your son, there's not much you can do beyond giving him some help for his interview. Assuming the flight medic job would pay enough, I would take it and hire a caretaker for your parents and spend the extra time with your husband and daughter. It sounds like you're dangerously close to becoming completely burned out. I understand that you want to take care of everyone, you also need some 'you' time, which is not selfish at all. 1
Happiness Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Hey CM me again . You are doing right now what you feel you Need to do, and that is perfectly ok. You will eventually need to do what you want to do for your own sanity. There is the saying "After me you come first" this says to me that you can't do anything productive for others unless you take care of yourself first. I know you will make the best decision for you and your family. If this position is not available under your terms then it isn't the one for you, and there will be more jobs out there. Take care Happy ps you know how to get ahold of me if you need a vent
Arctickat Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 BTW, if you're not too picky about where you'll be a flight medic, STARS is expanding into Saskatoon and Winnipeg. I think they still have positions.
DwayneEMTP Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 ...I cannot live with myself if I abandon the people I love when I am truly being helpful and something awful happens.... I don't have the slightest idea how to talk you past that, or what I would say if I did, and then something awful happened. If you can afford to stay, and you feel that you need to stay, then you should follow your heart. I won't say that that's the right thing to do, as it sounds like a pretty toxic place if most everyone in your family has been damaged there...Man...these are never easy decisions. I know that you're going to stay, and I wish I had a way to convince you that the flight job was shit so you wouldn't play the 'what if' game later. Yeah, I don't. Screw flight. Do your thing at home until you're done, go remote, have some big fun and make a small, but real, difference...
mobey Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 I am not really good at these situations as I have recently proven to my family, so I am no one to offer advice but, this right here Most of you know that my brother committed suicide last August. I cannot live with myself if I abandon the people I love when I am truly being helpful and something awful happens. is a red flag in my books. I am not so sure you should be investing that much into ANYONE elses choices, that you have accepted responcibility for thier actions. In my opinion, and experience, the answer is right here: Screw flight. Do your thing at home until you're done, go remote, have some big fun and make a small, but real, difference... BTW: You're in Canada? man I'm behind..... What province are you in? Perhaps I can offer advice on other air services that may offer you some casual. 1
Just Plain Ruff Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 Yeah, I didn't think about what Mobey said, what would the possibility of your friends offering you a per diem job with them. A part time casual job. You get your love of flying and taking care of patients as well as time to take care of your family. What I am deathly worried about is this and remember this comes from the heart and it's not meant in a negative tone at all CM But here goes and take it as you will but I'm worried that you have spent so much time helping and bailing out your family members from so many situations that I'm afraid that you in essence have become your families enabler. You keep helping them and not forcing them to face their bad decisions head on and it seems like the only one who is hurting in these situations is YOU. Maybe you need to step back, play the role of paramedic and look at the situation from a detached point of view and say "enoughs enough" It's time that I work on me. Take that advice however you will. It's ok if you think it's the wrong advice. I just dealt with that regarding one of my best friends, and he told me to F off and now he won't talk to me but in my heart, I know my advice to him was right. Either or, my prayer list got a little bit bigger since your original post.
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