Life is full of tough decisions..

[Kaisu]

Thank you for the prayers, good wishes and solid advice. I always appreciate the good comments. Captain Kick, Arctik and others that suggested I talk to the employer - great advice. I did, telling them what I had told you. The response was amazing. They told me that they admired my strength and respected my priorities and to let them know when I was ready. The opportunity would be there for me. I was so humbled and grateful. It was a validation of the effort I had put into my job, driving myself to be the best I could.

For those of you concerned that I am in fact "enabling". I totally hear you. I think when I was younger and stronger, that would have been an easier trap to fall into. Now that I am in my 50s, I can't afford to not take care of myself. I do appreciate your cautionary notes.

This environment is toxic. It almost destroyed me. The bottom line is I got out and healed. I became a productive and vital member of the human race and I am so grateful for that. I know what it takes to change a life and I also know that my kids and grandkid have something I did not - they have me. I don't think I am a superwoman and I know that it is their lives and their decisions and their ultimate responsibility. What I do have is the roadmap and the t-shirt and can often prevent the wrong turns.

Dwayne - sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. I love you big guy - always have, always will.

Happiness - you are my girl. I know you always have my back.

Mobey - I respect you so much. It means a lot to me that you would help me get a job.

I do have a timeline. When this house is done, I am out of here and after my own dreams.

Thank you again for your help and advice. I don't know what I would do without you people. I am just kicking myself that I carried this so long by myself instead of coming to you all sooner.

Keep those prayers coming.

Love

Kaisu

[emtdennis]

CM,

In reading your last post, I am glad to see that things can work out with your employer. It will be nice to eventually hear that you got a position that you worked very hard for.

There are a lot of great suggestions among the various posts, and you have to decide which are best for you. I struggled with being the "white knight" for many years, Is taking me awhile, but am slowly getting past it. I am in my early 60s and finally did something I have always wanted to do (became an EMT) and am working with some really great people.

Hang in there and don't give up your dream!!!!!!!!

[Cookie]

Dwayne, Happiness and Mobey give good advice all around because these folks care. I do sincerely hope that everything works out for you and your family. I was at that point sometime ago and I know where your are coming from. I am glad that your able to keep doing what your doing and moving forward. Best of luck and success for you.

[paramedicmike]

I can't offer anything that hasn't already been said. Glad to hear that the air service will keep a spot for you.

Good vibes are coming your way. All the best for you and your family!

[HERBIE1]

CM-

So sorry to hear about your troubles. To say you have a full plate would be an understatement of epic proportions.

It's funny- in our business, we tend to always put others first- whether it's our patients, our family, or both. We can solve problems- at least short term- of our patients, and we move on to the next. Nice, except we have no real obligation to them after we drop them at an ER. In the case of our personal lives, the problems are ongoing, and often seemingly endless. I'll offer advice- sort of- and take it for what it's worth.

I understand that family comes first, but to be honest, as a couple folks have mentioned here, sometimes there is only so much YOU can do, and the other folks need to step up to the plate and take care of themselves. Point them in the right direction, give them encouragement, support, and some level of assistance, but do not forget that ultimately it's THEIR problem to handle. This is akin to the empathy we show our patients- be involved, but not TOO involved.

I've been going through some major personal issues myself over the last 8-9months now, and interestingly during this time, I reconnected with an old friend who is in a similar situation. We compared notes, I offered her advice- which she described as spot on, and very helpful. I was able to boil down her issues to the basics and clear up the superfluous BS that was clouding her decision making process. She was simply too close to her problems to have any perspective. Unfortunately she could not offer me similar help, and my struggles continue.

I mention this not to blow my own horn as a budding therapist, but to show that often times we may be able to see others problems far more clearly than we see our own, and sometimes we cannot- or will not- take our own advice.

You need to take care of yourself first. Unless we are talking about dependents, then at some point folks really do need to work things out on their own. In the end, they will succeed or fail on their own- our help and support is really only a small part of the equation.

As strange as it may sound, I think sometimes we need to ignore our hearts and follow our heads.

My nickels worth...

Good luck.

[island emt]

Kaisu: Here's hoping that you find the peace you're looking for and the answers to the riddle of life as we know it.

Stay strong for yourself and your husband.

Family matters, but not at a cost to your own health & sanity.

Glad your friends are true friends and willing to hold the position for you!

[DwayneEMTP]

Yeah, here's the problem with allowing her family to look after themselves.

She's a medic.

Before she was a medic she had a medic's heart and attitude.

She's lost her brother to suicide in this same geographical space.

She pig headed to the extreme.

She loves way too hard for her own good.

She will gladly trade her health and sanity for those she's caring for, all the while telling herself that she's so strong that neither could ever be at risk.

Do I really need to go on? Because I could...

You know what Kaisu? I truly love you back. What an amazing person you've been in my life, over and over....And I miss you.

I'm not going to ask you to do the right thing and look after yourself because you don't listen to that kind of advice..

But I will ask this favor. A true favor, as your friend...that you don't stay gone. That you stay connected to your friends here and elsewhere, and that you ring my phone, or answer my friggin' phone calls once in a while.

You need a place to stay centered and to find your balance sometimes. It tends to be your way to run away when you get tired and sad, and I just wish that you wouldn't do that this time.

Yeah, I know that this kind of stuff belongs in a private message and that I risk ruining your whole 'tough bitch' persona with mushy yacking. If anyone asks just pretend that you have no idea what I'm talking about and swear that I must have confused you with someone else.

Just as long as you know better...

Hey! And consider making a stop in Colorado between AZ and Mi, Ok?

Good luck girl.

Dwayne