Was behavior appropriate?

[EMT-B 55]

Just over ten weeks ago, I worked the back of the ambulance on a transfer from an area hospital to home Hospise care. This PT was 94 years old and had been diagonosed with two different types of cancer. On the trip to her home, the PT told me that over the last 6+ years, I had treated/transported her 32 times. Most was for GLF's with skin tears and/or hematomas. SHe said that she keeps a diary and could verify her statement. With 30 to 35 minutes for transport to the hospital,we talked about a lot of things including family, hobbies and life in general. this lady was a realalist with apositive outlook on life. Well, last week I read that this ladt had died. because I did respect this person, I attended the visitation. The former PT's daughter was glad I paid my respects. One of my co-workers was a neighbor to this lady. He told me that may attending the visitation was inappropriate because I was not family, a neighbor or a friend. Was my behavior appropriate? Then earlier in the shift, this lady's daughter came to the base. SHe had a small wood relief picture that was in the ;ady's home and I made a comment that the plague was real nice looking. The daughter said that her mother had indicated that this plague should go to me. Same co-worker that told me that I was just the EMT that treated/transported her and did not belong at the visitation hit the ceiling and told me that it was inappropriate for me to honor this lady's request. Again,was my behavior appropriate?

You input and judgements requested

[ERDoc]

I won't answer your question for you but will ask you this:

Do you think it's wrong to be a caring, compassionate provider?

Edited August 2, 2012 by ERDoc

[Cookie]

Obviously your personna left a lasting impression on this lady and her family. I see nothing wrong with the visitation, and the gift, I see it as a thank you for all you did for this lady, even though you were doing your job, apparently this lady thought otherwise. Is your co worker jealous of the fact that someone remebered you for your kindness and caring and they weren't? Now if this was a habit of yours going to all the visitations of folks you transported is a different thing altogether. I may be in the minority here, but I see nothing wrong with paying your respects to someone you had gotten to know over the course of several years.

[Arctickat]

The mouthpiece isn't a co-worker, he/she is an insensitive asshole. Funerals, wakes, or visitations are for the living, the dead don't care who attends. Now, I do disagree if you wore your uniform, because this is a very personal event, not a business one.

I think your coworker needs to be informed that you were affected by this patient too and that you developed a relationship with her that had a profound effect on you. The family has gone out of their way to express her sentiments and you have the right to attend any event you wish.

[DFIB]

The complexities of the confluence of human interaction and professional boundaries are part of the tapestry of the health care providers life. These interactions involve all of our feelings, glee, sadness, insecurities, happiness, compassion, anxiety, awkward, love and pain.

One of the great fallacies of EMS training, is the fueling of the superhero, adrenaline junkie, I can handle it BS mentality. The truth is that often we cannot handle the flood of emotions that are evidenced in each call. We need to express our feelings.

The very nature of EMS denies us the opportunity of affectionate relationships with our patients that other more long term providers can attain. Consequently there are very few times we have the opportunity to have an affectionate relasionship with our patients as EMS providers we get to find closure in a case where a relationship has actually been cultivated.

Visitation is a time when the family provides a platform where all of the people who were touched by the deceased have a chance to come and say " You mom was a great lady, she made an impression on my life". For EMS providers it gives a chance to experience that elusive release of closure.

So you decide if what you did was inappropriate. You decide if paying your respective is wrong. You decide if manifesting your feelings and solidarity with your patient ant her family is wrong.

If only the world had more caring people....

[Happiness]

You attending the service is perfectly fine. You need not explain your actions to anyone. Most of the services I attend are those of my pts.

Sounds like the partner needs to have a few lessons in compassion and may even be a bit jelous of yours

[Just Plain Ruff]

Ignore your co-worker.

If your co-worker has anything more to say, then make sure you have a supervisor involved so they know who they have working for them.

OTherwise, go on with your life and don't let that "mouthpiece" as another said it ruin your day.

Just let it go.

You did NOTHING wrong by either going to the memorial service or accepting the gift.

I have more to say on this matter but this is a public forum.

[cscboulder11]

Everyone has pretty much said it already. The co-worker was an asshole.

The family knows your former pt's wishes much better.

[EMT-B 55]

Thanks for your input. and yes, I believe my actions were appropriate

[tcripp]

Note: I stopped reading your post just at the part where you stated, "One of my co-workers was a neighbor to this lady. He told me that may attending the visitation was inappropriate because I was not family, a neighbor or a friend." Nor have I read any of the other responses (at this point). All I have to say is...

HOGWASH!

'nough said.

Toni