You might work in emergency medicine if:

[mffrhorne]

You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac...

You believe the waiting room water fountain should be fitted with a valium proportioner

You have ever reffered to a new ED Doc as a shit magnet

You have ever eaten chocolatte pudding out of a chux to see if you can make the new resident puke

You have ever had a patient look you directly in the eye and deny any knowledge of how some foreign body came to be in some orifice of their body

You have ever asked a patient if she is sexually active and she answered "No I just lie there"

You believe chocolate is a food group...

You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group...

You believe a good tape job will fix anything...

You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...

Your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint...

You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis...

You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce...

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...

You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm...

You are totally astounded when someone on a convalescent home's staff is understandable...

You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers ...

You have ever referred to someone's death as a "Celestial Transfer"...

You have been called out on a police tactical response and the call turned out to be for a shooting pain...

You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"...

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...Doing It Right"...

You have ever had to leave a patient's side before you begin to laugh uncontrollably...

You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form...

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience...

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"...

You carry your own set of keys to the "leathers"...

Your idea of gambling is an blood alcohol level pool instead of a football pool...

Your bladder expands to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank...

Your feet are slightly flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's...

And finally:

You might be an EMS professional if you find any of this funny!

[Richard B the EMT]

No matter how many times I read this same stuff, I have to decide if it's not funny but true, or hilarious!

[fire911medic]

You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac...

You believe the waiting room water fountain should be fitted with a valium proportioner

You have ever reffered to a new ED Doc as a shit magnet

You have ever eaten chocolatte pudding out of a chux to see if you can make the new resident puke

You have ever had a patient look you directly in the eye and deny any knowledge of how some foreign body came to be in some orifice of their body

You have ever asked a patient if she is sexually active and she answered "No I just lie there"

You believe chocolate is a food group...

You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group...

You believe a good tape job will fix anything...

You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see...

Your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint...

You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis...

You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce...

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered...

You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm...

You are totally astounded when someone on a convalescent home's staff is understandable...

You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers ...

You have ever referred to someone's death as a "Celestial Transfer"...

You have been called out on a police tactical response and the call turned out to be for a shooting pain...

You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"...

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...Doing It Right"...

You have ever had to leave a patient's side before you begin to laugh uncontrollably...

You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form...

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience...

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"...

You carry your own set of keys to the "leathers"...

Your idea of gambling is an blood alcohol level pool instead of a football pool...

Your bladder expands to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank...

Your feet are slightly flatter and tougher than Fred Flintstone's...

And finally:

You might be an EMS professional if you find any of this funny!

I hate to say this, but in my time in the ER of a very busy level 1 trauma center I definitely believed every bit of this was true ! It's an old circulation, but still rings true and I still laugh every time I see it.

[BillKaneEMT]

I'd say over a third of these apply to me and I haven't even been doing this that long yet. Funny stuff.

[emtdennis]

I think this needs to be made on poster form and hung on a few walls.. A majority of them are too true. I have used the one "Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"... quite a few times.

[ducktapevoodoo]

holds true in army medicine. im gonna print this for our coffee area.

[Richard B the EMT]

The 9-1-1 call taker had someone tell him that he'd been shot, so the operator sent Police, Fire Rescue, and EMS to the scene, where they discovered the man had a 2 hour stomach ache.

He also hadn't lied, as he HAD been shot.

Outside Da Nang, South Viet Nam, in 1969, while actively in the USMC!

[DFIB]

You might be if EMS if dropping tones stimulates micturition.