Burn out and cumulative stress

[wrmedic82]

Everyone,

This is a topic that is really near and dear to me. Why? Because this almost ended the career I love. I am hoping to share a little piece of me in hopes that someone reading this might know that they are not alone, and maybe helps someone not make the mistakes I made that almost made me hang it up and walk away.

As EMS providers, we all to some degree have this thing called pride. Some more than others. It is something to a degree we all need to keep confidence in what we do. But pride has a funny way of sometimes biting us in the butt.

5 years ago I started my EMT career in Ft Worth with Medstar EMS. it was a high performance system with very little down time. During my time there I wanted to be the best of the best. I wanted to be able to make the worst paramedic look like an all-star by knowing all the drugs, equipment, taking advanced level classes to get on the same page as my medic partner. I will go even as far as to say I wanted to be an equal to a paramedic as a basic. I know that your reading this and thinking this is absurd. You are right. But back then you could not tell me that. I was the best and nothing was going to convince me otherwise no matter how absurd or unrealistic it was.

To make matters worse, I loaded myself up with hours. Sometimes working over 120 hrs in a work week!!. With the unrealistic expectations I had for myself, my ego, and the lack of time I left for myself it began to take it's toll on me mentally and physically. I ended up gaining over 50 lbs, I became irritable, argumentative, self-righteous (or foolish). Eventually this trickled down eventually to my patients. Began thinking they 99% were drug seekers or not really worth my time and that it would be better spent on those " real emergencies" where people were really on the verge of death. Not the 2 am run for abnormal labs, or the "I have a toothache". I honestly found myself judging someone else's emergency to some standard in my own mind of what I considered a "real emergency" to be.

It really came to a head after I ended up getting divorced, later finding my one true love ( married now for 2 years) and her telling me in a brutally honest fashion how silly I was sounding as I came home and began talking about my day at work. I really began hating my job. I dreaded coming in to deal with the routine bs. Started loving and hating days I didn't have to do patient care. Loved it because all I had to do is drive. Hated it because half the time I felt my partner was inept at best. It was shortly thereafter I made the decision to leave EMS.

I took a job as a EKG holter technician with a company called Spectocor. When I started we had 4 Ethiopian doctors who all they needed to do is re-do their residency to practice in the U.S. I took their EKG class and got straight to work. Although I changed scenery, I still brought over my ego and arrogance that I had while still on the ambulance. This became eventually a tug-a-war between my self-righteousness (or foolishness) and the doctors who have been to medical school. Eventually one of the doctors pulled me out and had a candid discussion with me. He asked me why I felt the need to always be right? Why I felt the need to argue over small stuff? And why was I so confrontational? Long story short it came down to my pride, fear of being wrong, and wanting to again be THE best. The doctor then told me some words that I still remember to this day. "When you know what you are doing, you will learn to talk less". This struck me as odd because I thought if you knew something you should pass it on to everyone who will hear. He then told me and I am paraphrasing that when you know something, when it is fresh and new it is exciting and perhaps at times incomplete knowledge, but through experience and practice you learn to talk less, listen, learn,and just do what you are trained to do. This was the turning point for me as a burned out EMT. I had a couple other mentors who began to surround me shortly thereafter who began to teach me to be humble when it comes to medicine. That same Dr that spoke with me earlier began to question some of my field experiences. One of the things he always asked me was " so Will why do you think that was not a emergency?" I never could answer him completely. Even with the stubbed to scenario !!

I took 2 years off of the ambulance to allow myself some time to re-focus, go back to school and get my paramedic licensure. During that time in school, I reflected alot about how I thought back when I was running with Medstar and realized the silliness of it all. how dangerous I could have been. And thankful for the teachers that helped me along the way, This entire experience has taught me a few valuable lessons that in closing I want to share with you.

1. Keep a firm grip on reality.

2. Keep pride in the form of confidence instead of arrogance

3. Stay Humble

4. Make the time for yourself, and your family. Vacation time is golden

5. Do not have so much pride that it disables you from speaking up. If you are wearing thin, SAY SOMETHING!!! There is always someone that has been there that will help you.

6. Do no harm!! This goes both for yourself and your patients alike.

I cannot wait to join ya'll back in the field as now a new baby medic as soon as I heal from my injuries. If you feel anything I described on here. Feel free to message me and I will write you back and forth or try to find resources to help you. If you have been there and done that, please share your experiences. Again I hope this helps someone who is where I was, and that your not alone.

[emtdennis]

Don't give up!!

[Just Plain Ruff]

It takes a firmly grounded person in themself to admit that they were wrong in how wrong they were. You are on the road to recovery from being a burned out provider to a new born medic.

What you have learned from that one doctor set you straight brother, and what you needed was that kick in the pants.

It takes a strong person to realize that you have some growing to do and you are doing just that.

Now what you do with that new chance is what will be the key. I am humbled that you chose to share your journey with us here at the city.

Just realize that you can fall back into the trap of where you were at all over again so it is incumbent upon you to not go back there again.

Just keep your priorities straight and I am sure that you will do fine. You have a core group of people here who have probably been in your shoes before and you can lean on this medic here as I've been in your shoes. I did take some time off due to being burned out. I lived a similar story.

And came back a better person for it.

But there are others here with similar if not deeper stories as well.

Thanks for sharing and if it helps another EMT or Medic out, you've helped out immensely.

Goodluck on medic school brother. Good luck.

[island emt]

Know that your trip though the brotherhood is not alone.

Many folks start out with unreal expectations and find out that it's eating them up, because it doesn't happen according to the script. Then a touch of reality sets in.

The patients we care for today are different. They may only have a "minor" illness or injury. But to them it's very traumatic and upsetting.

We need to remember not to judge our customers and do our job.

Yes in many systems there are a large number of seekers and abusers of the system. But thats part of what we are expected to handle.