Lets get this party started! Post something here so we know you're alive!

[island emt]

you just don't understand Newfie jokes Richard.

You need to get out & try some screech at least once in your life .

[Caduceus]

No Island, this joke was spectacularly terrible. I laughed, I love it, but it's still really really terrible.

[island emt]

here's a few for the two of you:

-A newfie was having a hard time attracting women at the beach, so he decided to ask his friend the lifeguard for advice.
"It's dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey're years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos--about two sizes too small, and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm telling ye, man.. .ye'll have all de babes ye wants!"
The following weekend, the newfie hit the beach with his new Speedos and his fist-sized potato. Everybody he walked past immediately covered their faces and started gagging.
The newfie went back to the lifeguard and said, "I did what ye said, but it's sitll not working."
"Lard-Tunderin' Jeezus b'y!" said lifeguard, "the potato goes in the front!"

-Two newfies are in a car enjoying a bottle of black horse, when a cop pulls them over. The newfie in the passenger seat says "He's got us now by, what are we gonna do?"
The driver says they have nothing to worry about and tells him to follow his lead and say nothing.
The driver peals the lable off the bottle of beer, licks the back of it, sticks it to his forehead, and puts the bottle under his seat--the passenger follows suit. The police officer approaches the drivers window and asks for his licence and registration.
As the driver gives the officer his info the officer asks whether he or the passenger had been drinking at all that night, at which point the driver points to his forehead and responds, "Oh no sir, we's on da patch ya see!".

-A newfie's wife passed away and he called 911. The 911 operator told him that they would send someone over right away and asked him where he lived.
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive," the newfie told her. The operator asked, "Could you please spell that for me?"
After a long pause, the newfie said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

[Caduceus]

***GROAN***

Here's a real joke for you guys.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Edited April 27, 2014 by Caduceus

[island emt]

A Newfie went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks.
He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive
home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who
didn't like Newfies.
The game warden ordered the Newfie to show his hunting license,
and the Newfie pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and
picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't
from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin'
license, boy?" The Newfie reached into his wallet and produced a
Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the
second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck.
This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"
The Newfie reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting
license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck,
sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Ontario duck. This
here duck's from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia huntin' license?"
Again the Newfie reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova
Scotia hunting license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he
yelled at the Newfie "Just where the hell are you from?"
The Newfie turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said,
"You tell me, you're the expert."

[Caduceus]

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!

[Richard B the EMT]

"Newfie" jokes? You could just as easily say Cleveland, Chicago, New York, SoCal, or Miami Beach. They're good "Groaner" jokes.

(;p

[Caduceus]

I don't even know what a "Newfie" is. What is it?

[island emt]

a citizen of Newfoundland Canada

just google newfie

expand your world knowledge :-}

spent some time there in the 70's while in the navy

[Richard B the EMT]

Just don't confuse a "Newfie" with a "Newbie", while a Newfie can be a Newbie.

Somehow that sounded easier before I typed it...