island emt Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Fire dept. cites safety, revenue in condom machine installation The department is calling the move a firefighter safety initiative in light of rampant on-duty sex in its firehouses Today At 6:01 AM HORNAYTOWN, Tenn. — Hump day at the fire department has taken on new meaning. The fire department this week installed condom vending machines in all of its fire stations, billing the move as practical response to an ongoing problem. Exasperated by his failed attempts to stop firefighters from having sex while on duty, Chief Andy Kavedin is touting the vending machines as both a way to protect firefighters from disease and boost the fire department's ailing budget. Union officials plan to raise objections to this change as it infringes on firefighter freedom of choice as a means to boost condom sales. "If you watch the footage from the fire station surveillance cameras, and you can on most Internet pornographic sites, you'll see these folks are going at it nonstop," Chief Kavedin said. "They are doing it all day, all night, in every conceivable combination and location." Chief Kavedin said he, conservatively, expects condom sales to add an additional $30,000 per year to the department's budget. "That's our turnout gear replacement line item right there," he said. Union officials are pressing city hall to boost each shift's food per diem by $3 per shift to cover the cost of condoms. Fire station condoms are $1 each. "We believe Chief Kavedin is accurate in portraying this as a firefighter safety issue," the union said in a formal statement. "We wouldn't expect firefighters to use their own money to buy other personal protective equipment like helmets or boots, so how is it right they should have to buy their own condoms? The city should not be padding its coffers on the backs of firefighters — especially when those firefighters are on their backs." The city fire commission will consider that proposal at its next meeting along with the department's revised standard operating procedures. The new SOPs layout disciplinary steps for firefighters caught having sex without approved condoms. Union officials plan to raise objections to this change as it infringes on firefighter freedom of choice as a means to boost condom sales. The union said it was not going to idly stand by as the firefighters got screwed. Quote
Just Plain Ruff Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 What do you expect after 250 pages and 18thousand views. What do you expect after 250 pages and 18thousand views What do you expect after 250 pages and 18thousand views Quote
MedicAsh Posted April 2, 2015 Posted April 2, 2015 I'm alive somewhere......I think *checks pulse*.....................Yep it's still there Quote
Violyn Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 New to the site (sort of) . Too lazy to see if something on page 5 has already been posted. Quote
island emt Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 don't worry:: Be Happy:: It's just richard Quote
paramedicmike Posted April 3, 2015 Posted April 3, 2015 No. Seriously. Two hundred and thirty two pages. Read them. All of them. Before you post again in this thread. All of them. 232 pages. Get to it. We'll wait. It's ok. We've got time. But not too much time. So. You know. Don't dawdle. Just kidding. 1 Quote
island emt Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 OLE part three ::: Ole the Norwegian Wrestler!! A Russian and Ole the Norwegian wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has". Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, Ole and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen. Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" Ole answered, "Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in front of my face... I had nuttin' to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could." So the trainer exclaimed, "That's what finished him off!" "Vel not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own nuts!" Quote
medicmole Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 No. Seriously. Two hundred and thirty two pages. Read them. All of them. Before you post again in this thread. All of them. 232 pages. Get to it Ok I'm done....only problem is, I'm old and forgetfull so I still don't remeber what was on page 2. 1 Quote
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