Lets get this party started! Post something here so we know you're alive!

[Richard B the EMT]

So you're not claiming authorship to that?

Hey, first on page 102!

[paramedicmike]

Sometimes I wonder about you, Richard.

[Richard B the EMT]

I don't suffer from insanity.

I'm actually enjoying it!

lol

[island emt]

OK richard: Not my original but this ones for you

The Confessional Deal
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.

The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show what to do. The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are in the confessional....

A few minutes later, a woman comes in and says: "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
The priest asks: "What did you do?"
Woman says: "I committed adultery."
Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.
He says: "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery."
Priest: " How many times?"
Man: "Three times."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so the priest leaves.

A few minutes later another woman enters.
Woman: "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
Rabbi: " What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery."
Rabbi: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times....we have a special this week, three for $5."

[Richard B the EMT]

Ouch, my "PC" RADAR just snapped on. Caution!

[Caduceus]

The other day my grandmother (Who works at a church) was typing up the newsletter for the church members. But instead of Sunday, she put, "Sinday Mission"....

Lol grandmas.

[Shamanwolf]

Post...hmmm.. Kind of makes me think of that hot nurse.. You know... The one standing to the rear of the pt with a POST in his bum.. Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[island emt]

Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.

She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Terry, a very handsome man, with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six-pack abs, and she felt quite certain she could bounce a fifty-cent piece off his well-oiled butt. . . .. She figured, What the heck, no-one will ever know! I'll give him a call

Good evening Ma'am, how may I help you?

Oh my! He sounded SO sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated she said: I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my hotel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone, and all I want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything. I'm ready, now how does that sound?

He said, that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line!

another one for richard::

TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY

PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER,

" WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"

THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED, "INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."

"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED,

AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT.

THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED

WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER.

"WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY,

WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO.

WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER, PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER. HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID:

"THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."

[Richard B the EMT]

Island EMT: Was I the "Richard" the second part of your posting was for? I don't see why. BTW, that WAS funny.

Just remember that it is perfectly all right to kiss a Nun, just don't get into the Habit.

[island emt]

well your PC radar went off on the last religious commentary

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cellular phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free
speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops
to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the
club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful
leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy
it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN:
"I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one
I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN:
"$90,000."

MAN:
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the
options."

WOMAN:
"Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that
the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for
it.

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an
offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the
extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so
much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths
wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"