Richard B the EMT Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Island, on a more serious note, a former girlfriend, then living on a Kibbutz in Israel in 1973, was walking with her fiancée in, I think, Tel Aviv, when the two of them were assaulted by a Palestinian with a knife. The Palestinian stabbed her fiancée through the heart, killing him probably instantly, then tried to attack her. Big Mistake. She was a Black Belt in Karate. She managed to not only take the knife from the Palestinian, but killed him with his own knife! (Side note- She's divorced now twice, and currently in her third marriage.) Quote
island emt Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 happy valentines day::: New Panties A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband sipping a glass of wine. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs wide enough that her husband asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile. "Thank God he said - I thought you were sitting on the cat." He never saw the glass coming Quote
island emt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 The Therapist The Special Therapist An Arizona couple, both well into their 80′s, go to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’ The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?’ The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.’ He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye. The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves. Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’ The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married; so we can’t go to her house. I’m married; and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all…. Medicare pays $43 of it.’ Quote
paramedicmike Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 How frozen are you up there, Ed? Dug out yet? Quote
island emt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 some where in the neighborhood of 96 inches so far this month. snowing again tonight, not supposed to be more than 8-10 " by tomorrow evening. Been digging and snowblowing and roof raking for the past three weeks almost non stop. It actually got above 20 degrees today for the first time in February. YEA Spring has to be coming :-} although it may take until May for the snow mountains to melt Quote
paramedicmike Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Today was the first day of spring training. Pitchers and catchers reported. While not everyone is a fan, it is a sure sign that spring in coming. That's a lot of snow. Quote
island emt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 We normally get between 60 - 110 inches per winter. This year we had a couple small storms in December , January was almost balmy until the 25th. It hasn't stopped snowing since. We surrender they made a big deal of getting footage of the red sox loading their equipment trucks in the blizzard 10 days ago for the trip south to Florida. Quote
scubanurse Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 We're supposed to get another 12-18" this weekend... finally New England isn't being greedy with all the snow and sharing with the rest of us! We're still looking at a bad fire season out here from the dry winter we've had :/ Quote
island emt Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Performing Community Service One day a florist went to a for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON ! Quote
island emt Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Ole Goes Goose Hunting He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin. Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his doctor, Dr. Sven. "Vell, Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of DA buckshot." "What's the bad news?" asks Ole. "The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye." Quote
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