Shit at work meets shit at home

[rat115]

Help! Some of you know me from the time I've been on here. Those of you who do know that I've had some issues in my life. To keep this part short, I've got an ex with SERIOUS mental health issues to the point of having PNES, mentally and emotionally abusive to me and my kids. I kicked the ass out after a search that made me worry about my daughter.

What most don't know. This year my mom, who was an alcholic was killed when she caused an MVC by driving the wrong way on the area interstate. My ex pushed during that time. Stress combined with lack of insurance had me down with H. pylori for 3 weeks. My 2 early teen decided they thought they wanted to move in with dad. (Think this had to do with him pressuring them. Actually know it's what it was for the older of the 2.) Now, the older (my daughter) wants to come home and has FINALLY admitted to me that dad's touching her in ways that are not right.

Now, work.... 2 years ago, I ended up having surgery on my knee after being thrown into the back doors of the ambo because the EMS director/ALS provider threw a pulse ox and told me to get it and the driver gave a major diesel bolus. The driver and I have talked about it. The director/ALS says that his behavior had no impact on my being injured. He's being nasty and short toward me since I returned.

I'm at the point that I don't know what to do. I want to confront the director, but I know he can be a stubborn ass about things like this. I am having a horrible time since my mom died because my mind keeps playing over and over "what if I'd gotten killed when I got thrown" and "my kids would have to live with someone who's really not mentally healthy to raise them". I'm in counseling to work through the issues that have come up, but it's really hard to get this counselor to understand the mentality in this volly department (there is no "paid" service within reasonable driving distance of the small town that I live in). I've actually had the counselor tell me that between what I went and am going through with my ex, the loss of my mom and my injury, she believes that I'm battling PTSD.

Thoughts on how to get this individual to talk about this incident and take responsibility so that he will look at his behavior and lack of leadership qualities? Anyone else ever been through anything close to this?

I know someone's going to crack about getting rid of the ex. Please don't. Things are actually that bad there. I don't want anything, even jokingly, that someone might find to say that I encouraged something (even his suicide, which he's threatened repeatedly).

[paramedicmike]

If the kids aren't in therapy get them there. Talk to a lawyer. Your family is going to need the services of both professions before this is all over.

Document *everything*.

Keep hanging in there.

[Happiness]

I am going to put this in short form. Your stuff is what my mother went through and I went through what your daughter went through. 1. Have your ex charged 2. Get a restraining order 3. Move 4. Get counceling for your children What your wanting from your director is not going to happen and has become a distraction to the more serious issues going on in your life. Dont waste your time and energy on him. I know it is easier said than done, but that is what my mother had to do. I dont want to sound harsh but your child needs all of your energy. I hope things start to look up for.

[rat115]

Happi, I want to move SO BADLY. My husband doesn't because of his parents. His dad is starting to really show signs of dementia after having had a stroke about 6 yrs ago. Because of that, my husband wants to stay here near his mom.

I am working on getting things taken care of with my kids. I'm having a hell of a time getting the local LEO to actually do anything. I am meeting with an attorney tomorrow to see if she can/will help me since I don't have $$ for a retainer. (The attorneys I've talked to want around $3500 for a retainer.) I'm also going to talk to DHHS to see if they'll get the ball rolling.

I'm not letting this slide this time. I'm going to fight like a momma bear.

Thanks for the hopes. Keep us in your prayers please.

Edited January 23, 2013 by rat115

[paramedicmike]

Any resources through the kid's school you can tap into? School counselors?

[MariB]

Police! If he is touching them inappropriately, call the police!

[MikeEMT]

As a former cop myself I will tell you that Police involvement isn't always the best. People often misunderstand what the police are for. Criminal charges can be brought forth without police involvement. If this alleged touching occurred recently then by all means call the police. However, if this has occurred months ago then police involvement is not likely going to help. A lawyer can do what a police officer can as far as recommending charges, getting a no contact order, etc.

I am going to be brutally honest, both as a former cop and a as a former private investigator working on cases like this. Your daughters' word wont have much weight in a court of law. Courts rely on Physical Evidence which can be proven. While hearsay and circumstantial evidence can be used to get a conviction it is much more difficult. In addition, the legal process is NOT kid friendly. Your kids will be cross examined on a stand. They will be called liars and other terms by the defense. It is what they do. Many kids who testify require extensive therapy afterwards. I have been associated with lawyers on both sides as a PI. It is ugly.

I do NOT want to discourage you from going forward with legal proceedings if you feel it is necessary. However, I feel that people should be aware of what they are about to get into. It wont be fun for you or for your kids. If you have any questions about the process feel free to PM me.

I wish you the best of luck.

[MariB]

As a former cop myself I will tell you that Police involvement isn't always the best. People often misunderstand what the police are for. Criminal charges can be brought forth without police involvement. If this alleged touching occurred recently then by all means call the police. However, if this has occurred months ago then police involvement is not likely going to help. A lawyer can do what a police officer can as far as recommending charges, getting a no contact order, etc.

I am going to be brutally honest, both as a former cop and a as a former private investigator working on cases like this. Your daughters' word wont have much weight in a court of law. Courts rely on Physical Evidence which can be proven. While hearsay and circumstantial evidence can be used to get a conviction it is much more difficult. In addition, the legal process is NOT kid friendly. Your kids will be cross examined on a stand. They will be called liars and other terms by the defense. It is what they do. Many kids who testify require extensive therapy afterwards. I have been associated with lawyers on both sides as a PI. It is ugly.

I do NOT want to discourage you from going forward with legal proceedings if you feel it is necessary. However, I feel that people should be aware of what they are about to get into. It wont be fun for you or for your kids. If you have any questions about the process feel free to PM me.

I wish you the best of luck.

she stated "Dad is touching her" it is currently happening and her daughter is still living with that man. He is a danger to a child. What good would leaving a child in a dangerous situation do while screwing around and trying to get a lawyer when she clearly stated that is not an option right now?

[paramedicmike]

Mari, did you read anything Mike wrote?

[MariB]

Yes, he apparently missed the part where she stated this touching was still going on. It wasn't done a long time ago, the child is still living with the father and the father is still molesting the daughter. He missed that part

Most of the time, kids will not need to testify against their parent in court. Their testimony can be done privately behind closed doors. The court assigns people to protect the children from being raked over the coals.

Edited January 23, 2013 by MariB