Money And Sex

[mikeymedic1984]

I know this will ultimately get shut down, but thought I would give it a try. We all know that most marriages end in divorce because of finances or sexual incompatablilities, so I ask, DO YOU have any tips about either ? Or do you have any questions ?

We are all adults, so we should be able to discuss the sex topic just as we would any other, the money aspect is probably more important. The rules are that you must keep the language clean, dont' be too graphic, and be serious.

I will offer a money tip:

There are two months in the year where you get three paychecks instead of two. I knew someone who was able to put both of those "extra" checks in savings, and it paid for his Disney trip every year. If you can't save it all, try to save 50% of both checks.

[Chief1C]

Nope.. I'm broke and I literally have no sexual determination. I find it boring, in fact; I'm not impotent by any means, but I find no interest in it or desire for it. Dunno why. Maybe I'm just uber depressed? Hard to say.

[Arctickat]

I read a statement at one time that sex and money are not the root cause of of most marital disputes, but that it is who has dominance in the marriage. Sex and money are used as passive weapons in the fights with each partner using is as a weapon to exert dominance over the other. Spending or controlling money...exerting dominance, withholding sex...exerting dominance.

[craig]

As a hard working paramedic ......money and sex....will I don't get enough of either..........lol

[island emt]

" We all know that most marriages end in divorce because of finances or sexual incompatablilities, so I ask, DO YOU have any tips about either ? Or do you have any questions ".

I would dispute The cause of "most" divorces being caused by money issues or sexual incompatibility.

In my view most folks are not willing to put the energy into making a relationship work. You need to develop a relationship on common interests and trust,

not how good a roll in the sack they are.

Far too many marry the person who provides them with great sex or can buy them what they think they want. what happens when the great sex turns dull????

If they aren't friends and companions first then the marriage is doomed. Many folks that end up divorced have the morals of alleycats.

Some of the causes are loose morals and a lack of commitment to your spouse. It's easy to cheat on a relationship and many don't feel they owe it to their spouse to be faithful.

I say this as a friend of my wife's, thats been married 38 years and we still enjoy having fun together doing many different activities.

the sex is still good after all these years, maybe even better than when we were young

We have many friends our age that have been married as long:: only they've been married to several different partners.

[MariB]

That's interesting. I left my ex after 2 years of marriage because he was an ass. Not because of money or sex.

What's worse, is I married him blinded obviously by my immaturity at the time.

[Lone Star]

Sexual incompatibility? Nah, I would have to list one of the major causes as sexual infidelity. My ex wife turned out to be a lot like Will Rogers....you know, never met a man she didn't like. The biggest problem with that is that she 'liked' them even more when I wasn't home.

I never 'strayed' while I was married, and was working double shifts as often as physically possible to keep her 'in the money'. Unfortunately, I wasn't home as much. When I would lay off the doubles, then she'd complain and nag because we didn't have as much money as when I was out busting ass on the doubles......just can't win for losing,I guess.

There are far too many people out there who are in love with the idea of being 'in love' that they tend to forget that ANY relationship takes work to make it work. Nothing of any value in this life comes 'free' and you're going to pay for it one way or another.

[ERDoc]

Sex...yes please. Money...don't depend on the govt to take care of you when you are older (or now for that matter). They will find some way to destroy social security. Be responsible for your own future and don't be a burden to your kids. It doesn't take much effort to learn how to invest for retirement, even if it is in index ETFs (read how to be a defensive, value investor as described by Ben Graham). If you can learn anatomy and physiology you can learn basic finance. Don't spend more than you make, and have an emergency fund.

[DwayneEMTP]

I absolutely think that sex is a good barometer for a happy marriage. And that comes from someone that's been happily married for 25 years this year.

What happens during good sex? (Other than orgasm of course) Trust, intimacy, vulnerability, curiosity, kindess, communication, bravery, openess...all of the things that make a great relationship great, right? Only compressed...When one of them is broken, the relationship is broken, and that can often be quickly seen through the lack of a happy sex life.

If you're spending more time working on your relationship than you're spending getting naked, then you need to stop and see which of those things are broken, figure out how to fix it, and then get back to the business of 'getting busy' again...

Money? When you're getting laid on a regular basis, who cares about money?

But truly, when the rest of your life is firing on all cylinders, as shown by a healthy sex life, then talking, and planning to solve the money issues really aren't that big of a deal...

When you hear "Sex isn't that big of a deal, you need a relationship built on more than a roll in the hay..." that's partially true, but when you hear sex described as "just a roll in the hay" then I guarantee you that they're doing it wrong..it's truly much, much more than that..

If your sex life is boring, then you need to figure out why you're uninterested in spicing it up for your wife? Heh, yeah..you're pissed because she won't spice it up for you, right? This is a 'you get what you give game', it doesn't work the other way around. If your wife feels loved, sexy, appreciated, desired, then she's gonna wanna rock your world...if she doesn't want to rock your world, figure out why she doesn't feel sexy and fix it...

See, all of this is easy!! Ok, not so much..but it is doable. And the good news? The steps that you need to take to fix your sex life are exactly the same steps that you should be taking every day anyway, just to have a happy life. They're just more easily seen when viewed through sex...but isn't everything?

[scubanurse]

I haven't been married as long as some here, but I think communication is the biggest barrier to a relationship. I know when hubby and I are working opposite schedules and don't communicate, we tend to argue more. We both know it is an area of our marriage that will always need attention. Obviously sex isn't an issue for us though and we do ok financially, especially now that I am out of school.

I think marriage is hard. It takes a lot of attention and focus to keep it working and happy too. I have been enjoying reading people's views though and I am curious how my own marriage will change in 5 months or so when we have 3 instead of just 2!