Money And Sex

[island emt]

my wife & I have been through times when I was on the road five days a week, & times where i was deployed for 9 months at a time. We always kept the lines of communication open even when a phone call from Okinawa or guam cost $3.50 per minute.

After that we have both worked rotating shifts or opposite shifts.at times. We always made time for each other and still do today. I works mostly days , but try & stay up for her when she comes home from the hospital at 1 A.M., Even if it's just for a hug and small talk.

Communication is very important in longevity of a marriage . Good sex is an added bonus.

Can't advise how kids fit in the equation as we decided very early on that it was not a world we wanted to bring children into as we had just come out of the Vietnam war and all the violence associated with it.

We raise and breed AKC Labradors instead. They are our kids

[dub]

Hearing people from the firefighter and EMS profession speak on marriage money would be the least of their worries. My wife and I speak to couples in this profession and affairs are the number 1 cause of divorce. I am speaking from experience as well as from hearing testimonly on this issue.

[DwayneEMTP]

I would question your qualifications as speakers and councilors based on the above statemement...

Affairs are a symptom, not an issue alone. Both choosing to have one, and being unable to overcome the effects of it in a marriage.

Not having enough money is a symptom, not being faithful to your partner is a symptom, not being interestesed in sex is a symptom, drinking to much is a symptoms, to consider any of these things a stand alone issue and hold it up for blame is just simple, shallow thinking...

[dub]

Affairs are affairs,,,period. No way to sugar coat it. We are not counselors although we have worked in ministry yet we do not proclaim to be anyone of higher value other than an unimportant couple that has been there hoping to help other couples. Simply speaking from experience is where we are, going on 24 years of marriage. We did not "both" choose to have an affair although we "both" suffered the distruction it had on our marriage.

A "symptom" is a sign of a bigger issue or disease. If your nose is running you could have a cold, the flu or a number of things. The running nose is not what your diagnoses is, it would be what is causing your nose to run.

We are not "thinking" this is a stand alone "issue" as you say to hold up for blame...it's proven. I have been in the fire service for almost 30 years and have seen more divorces happen because of an affair than not.

Fire and EMS service are in the top ten professions of having the largest divorce rate.

[island emt]

Many members of the EMS & Fire profession are type "A" personalities & have the morals of alleycats.

Just my observations from 40+ years in the business.

[scubanurse]

I "think" it's fair to say that affairs can "lead" to a divorce, but not that the fire service is to "blame" for the affair. Look at the population as a whole and then tell me that the fire service is to "blame" for affairs occurring.

[dub]

Please understand, we are not saying it's the "fire service" that causes the affair. The stress, the rush and everything else that "can" bring the affair. Just as working 24 with the opposite sex. There are so many diffenent situations that can cause the affair but we are not say the profession itself causes it. Affairs happen everywhere although high stress jobs have a higher risk. Hospitals, police, ER's, Military ect... We just help marriages get through it or hopefully prevent it.

[DwayneEMTP]

Affairs are affairs,,,period. No way to sugar coat it. We are not counselors although we have worked in ministry yet we do not proclaim to be anyone of higher value other than an unimportant couple that has been there hoping to help other couples. Simply speaking from experience is where we are, going on 24 years of marriage. We did not "both" choose to have an affair although we "both" suffered the distruction it had on our marriage.

A "symptom" is a sign of a bigger issue or disease. If your nose is running you could have a cold, the flu or a number of things. The running nose is not what your diagnoses is, it would be what is causing your nose to run.

We are not "thinking" this is a stand alone "issue" as you say to hold up for blame...it's proven. I have been in the fire service for almost 30 years and have seen more divorces happen because of an affair than not.

Fire and EMS service are in the top ten professions of having the largest divorce rate.

I'm fully aware of what a symptom is. That is why I chose that exact word, and rightfully so, despite it not fitting in with whatever lecture you're used to giving.

So, in your experience, couples with a passionate, kind, loving, sexually fulfilling relationship with excellent communication sometimes have one or the other mate that simply decide one day, out of the blue, to have an affair?

Nonsense.

Affairs happen because of damaged relationships. Damaged relationships happen for many reasons. One of the many, and more severe, symptoms of those issues is a mate looking for emotional/sexual fulfillment in another.

Thus, an affair is a symptom of a larger issue, not an issue in and of itself.

"We are not "thinking" this is a stand alone "issue" as you say to hold up for blame...it's proven."

This is EMTCity, a professional forum where it's expected when you claim a proof that you then site it. I will gladly admit to my ignorance and wash your car naked for a week if you can site a respectable scientific study that proves that affairs suddenly, spontaneously erupt in the middle of healthy, happy fulfilling relationships.

Affairs don't happen because of the rush of EMS, nor the sharing of an ambulance or quarters with the oposite sex for 24 hrs, they happen from a need(s) not being fulfilled at home. Does this imply fault? Sure, but certainly not purposeful fault. Sometimes people and/or couples have little idea of what they need, or how to communicate those needs if they do. Often, in my experiences with those that have done so, it's the cheater that's not made the effort to resolve the issues before taking an easier route. I've sometimes been shocked at the simple things that Babs has needed to feel fulfilled that were invisible to me before she explained them. And I'm sure the opposite is true.

For the record, this coming from a man married 25 years with easy, hideable, access to the oposite sex, though no affairs.

Just sayin'...

[chbare]

Infidelity is a complex situation involving many factors potentially. While it certainly may be an indication of overall relationship issues, that's not the only factor to consider. Take a rather esoteric example, but valid nonetheless: Take a person with a personality disorder. This individual may engage in such behaviour regardless of the overall status of the relationship. Additionally, defining infidelity seems nebulous in some cases. Take the concepts of "open" relationships and the "swinger" lifestyle. Clearly, this behaviour probably falls outside many mores and norms, depending on the environment, but now we have to be very careful how we define infidelity in these cases. It's not necessarily a physical or even psychological phenomenon, or at least not using the common criteria many here would apply. It may even vary from relationship to relationship or even person to person. This further complicates the picture.

[island emt]

WHOA Dwayne :: Thats a visual We really don't need to see.