Unrealistic Expectations

[medicgirl05]

I recently was involved in a call that really messed with my head. It took me a long time to be able to sleep and eat after this call. I got to the end of my rope and told my supervisor that it was really bothering me.

I have been in EMS 8 years and have never been affected by a call this way. I think it was because it hit really close to home for me...anyway, my question is how do we in EMS become so callous that we don't care that someone is bothered? Why is it considered a weakness to have an emotional reaction to such an event? Have you ever been affected by what you have seen and how did you get through it?

And, I was not bothered while on the call, I was not affected until we cleared the scene and I thought about what had just happened. Patient care was not affected in any way...

Please don't chew me up and spit me out for saying I had an emotional reaction, I've already had enough of that.

Thanks.

[MariB]

We are human and will have emotions.

Yes I have felt emotion from a call. Instead of being told you are having emotional reactions you should have been offered a counseling session.

Its OK to hurt, be sad, scared etc. But you need to be directed to help so you know how to deal with those feelings so hopefully it gets easier for you.

I hope it gets better for you. I think we all have had those one calls.

Its OK

[miscusi]

Why is it considered a weakness to have an emotional reaction to such an event?

because emotional reactions takes up valuable time that you can spend on something worthwhile. Its best not to have emotional reactions, and there are people out there who just DO NOT get emotional. they are the assets, wasting time by any means is a liability or weakness.

[MariB]

Why is it considered a weakness to have an emotional reaction to such an event?

because emotional reactions takes up valuable time that you can spend on something worthwhile. Its best not to have emotional reactions, and there are people out there who just DO NOT get emotional. they are the assets, wasting time by any means is a liability or weakness.

No, they are robots

I have seen a phycisian cry, a medic tear. It happens.

After time you get used to seeing certain things. Sad but true. However there will be some things that will catch you off guard.

.

People without emotions aren't assets. I believe the word is psychopath

[Just Plain Ruff]

My first pediatric code each person involved in the call at the end was either crying or visibly upset. They were showing their human side. Every pediatric code or death I've ever been involved in has affected me one way or another.

You know, someone who tells me that they are not affected, is someone who is lying, plain and simple. I'm sure that some on this forum will take issue with that statement but that's to me the honest truth, if you can say that you are unaffected by the passing of a baby or a child then I don't think I'd want to work with you.

[ERDoc]

If you are not affected by the crap we see in this field then you are either burnt out and need help or you have no conscience and should not be in the field. We all have those pts that affect us. With experience we learn to shut it off in a part of our mind while we care for the pt and continue with the shift. Once you are safely away from pt care, you MUST open that box and deal with it. If you don't, you will fall apart. We all have different ways of dealing with it. Find a healthy way and do it (drinking doesn't count unless it is a single, therapeutic drink with a caring friend). Talk to someone who can understand what you are going through, talk to someone who can't understand what you are going through but will listen and support you anyway. Take up kick boxing or weight lifting, go for a run. Do something but don't keep it boxed off in your head.

[Richard B the EMT]

I don't know who wrote this, as I've heard it from many sources claiming authorship, but remaining unemotional, at least in front of the patient and/or family, is one test of "Professionalism on the job".

I want to tell you lies...

I want to tell that little boy his Mom will be just fine
I want to tell that dad we got his daughter out in time
I want to tell that wife her husband will be home tonight
I do not want to tell it like it is, I want to tell them lies

You did not put their seat belts on, you feel you killed your kids
I want to say you did not ... but in a way, you did
You pound your fists into my chest, you are hurting so inside
I want to say you will be OK, I want to tell you lies

You left chemicals within his reach and now it's in his eyes
I want to say your son will see, not tell you he'll be blind
You ask me if he will be OK, with pleading in your eyes
I want to say that yes he will, I want to tell you lies

I can see you are crying as your life goes up in smoke
If you would maintained that smoke alarm, your children may have woke
Do not grab my arm and ask me if your family is alive
Do not make me tell you they are all dead, I want to tell you lies

I want to say she will be OK, you didn't take her life
I hear you say you love her and you'd never hurt your wife
You thought you did not drink too much, you thought that you could
drive
I do not want to say how wrong you were, I want to tell you lies

You only left her for a moment, it happens all the time
How could she have fell from there? You thought she could not climb I want to say her necks not broke, that she will be just fine I do not want to say she is paralyzed, I want to tell you lies

I want to tell this teen his buddies did not die in vain
Because he thought that it'd be cool to try to beat that train
I do not want to tell him this will haunt him all his life
I want to say that he'll forget, I want to tell him lies

You left the cabinet open and your daughter found the gun Now you want me to undo the damage thats been done You tell me she is your only child, you say she is only five I do not want to say she wont see six, I want to tell you lies

He fell into the pool when you just went to grab the phone
It was only for a second that you left him there alone
If you let the damn phone ring perhaps your boy would be alive
But I do not want to tell you that, I want to tell you lies

The fact that you were speeding caused that car to overturn
And we could not get them out of there before the whole thing burned
Did they suffer? Yes, they suffered, as they slowly burned alive
But I don't want to say those words, I want to tell you lies

But I have to tell it like it is, until my shift is through
And then the real lies begin, when I come home to you,
You ask me how my day was, and I say it was just fine
I hope you understand, sometimes, I have to tell you lies

[paramedicmike]

If you are not affected by the crap we see in this field then you are either burnt out and need help or you have no conscience and should not be in the field. We all have those pts that affect us. With experience we learn to shut it off in a part of our mind while we care for the pt and continue with the shift. Once you are safely away from pt care, you MUST open that box and deal with it. If you don't, you will fall apart. We all have different ways of dealing with it. Find a healthy way and do it (drinking doesn't count unless it is a single, therapeutic drink with a caring friend). Talk to someone who can understand what you are going through, talk to someone who can't understand what you are going through but will listen and support you anyway. Take up kick boxing or weight lifting, go for a run. Do something but don't keep it boxed off in your head.

This. +1000

[miscusi]

No, they are robots, People without emotions aren't assets. I believe the word is psychopath

Yes, Yes, Psychopaths ! like Dexter of the TV show... Dexter.

but they are still assets. because if you don't spend a half hour crying after a call, you can be out on the next call. definitely an asset in my books.

nothing wrong with people who do not get emotional after a call. in the world, humans come in all different levels of emotional. you got the girls that cry and get upset over the every littlest thing, and you got the serial killer that wont blink an eye as they press the genocide button.

EMS and other emergency type jobs like police, military, are better suited for those who are LESS EMOTIONAL and they are assets here.

Jobs like consular, therapists, etc are better suited for those who have a higer level of emotional availability, and they are assets there.

I myself, am more towards the less emotional type, very little bothers me, never cried or needed to after a call, people dying after hours of CPR do not get me upset, I focus on the work, to provide the best quality care I can, and after that, I know that everybody eventually dies, its the way of nature. I'm ok with that.

[medicgirl05]

People dying after hours of CPR is a good thing, they have very little chance of being anything but a vegetable anyway. This call was nothing like that. I have done CPR on people for an hour or so, I have pulled bodies out of cars, I have seen some really traumatic injuries and never responded this way before.

My reaction did not cause me to miss any calls, or interfere with work in anyway.

And why do you have to make it a sexist thing when you say "girls that cry and get upset"? I don't think that has anything to do with it.

And yes I had an emotional as well as a physical reaction to the event, at least I waited until we cleared the scene. My MALE partner froze at the scene causing an issue where I had to work harder than I should have.