Its been a while eh ?

[tniuqs]

Greetings ALL .

Ok so no fear any more no hiding from the world .. I have not posted for a LONG time ... sorry all.

So WHY ? .. well 37 years as a REMT-P and 12 years on top of that, in ICU ... Well it caught up with me, PTSD axis 1 cluster B .

Robs and a non member of EMT city Peter Mitchell in the UK (took his life) well these deaths death hit me so very very hard ... so anyway I have a new hero.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JwoqUl90BM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odXWyEk2O00

https://www.facebook.com/Thelongwayhomemm?ref=stream

If anyone is on facebook please give Kate a holler minimum ... if you can spare a couple of bucks well she really needs it.

Kate was "saved" and god I hate that word BUT a civy Paramedic made a huge difference in her life, she's running for all of us that wake up at night in a cold sweat. Because once that zip file you THINK is closed in your head opens up .. the Operating system runs amuck .

cheers

Squint

[island emt]

Hey squint::::

Glad to hear from you.

Sorry that the skeletons in the dark closet of your mind are sneaking out to the forefront.

I have some of the same issues after 4 decades plus and have just recently decided to retire at the end of the year before the classic burnout syndrome hits me, and starts to cause me to make errors in my care.

Hope you can see the light and let a few of the black dreams out of the cobweb of your mind.

[DwayneEMTP]

God Squint...just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water...

I for one have certainly missed having you here. I'm sorry my friend to hear of your troubles. But, you are pretty old, and that can happen. I mean, if Island feels the same, I see a trend here for dinosaurs...

Good to have you back. We need you both, spreading hate and discontent, to keep us kids in line...

Welcome back Brother...

[tniuqs]

Thanks island .. the culture of EMS is oblivious .. better said, hides behind the "suck it up princess syndrome" we are just humans and after all the pain/suffering and cruel deaths we are subjected to0, its no wonder really, we are not superhuman but are expected to be, by employers.

So 4 different experiments with SSRIs .. they did not help they made it worse, a pill does not take the years of memory away or make one feel "less depressed" I believe after all the research I have done is that constant bombardment with endogenous catecholamines, the crappy shifts, long hours without sleep (I believe now this adrenal rush we get) well it eventually screws up synapses between Cerebral Cortex and Amygdala ..well that's my theorem and like hell im taking any more meds other than anti anxiety and pain rx (my shoulder needs a new plastic one) lifting so many phat people under major stress situations wore it out prematurely.

This Kate gal s doing her damnedest (last year she made a Guinness world record .. see the links) I feel so compelled to support her as she has more physical strength and moral fortitude strength than I do .. its the least I can type a few emails and give her a few pesos ...

I know this sounds strange (ps I do not believe in any god) but I do believe in Karma .. I keep thinking, did I screw up and kill someone in error and now being punished ? I dunno .. realistically with chance vs anti chance in over 12 + 40 years its more than likely (like your very rational fear).. maybe I deserve this and I should have been a Plumber instead ?

I would not wish this on my worst enemy .. some days death seams the only escape .. I now understand why regular folks do themselves in .. I now understand that Mental Pain can worse than Physical, that said living with both is very difficult .. Rob and I talked about this a lot, frankly I thought Rob knowing in depth about his disease would take this route, if there was a God .. WHY oh Why would s/he invent such suffering ? ps I will not respond to I will pray for you crap.

The one thing that keeps me going (is my new rescued red nose pit bull) YES they are not all monsters .. and my Grandfather who was a POW in France in WW1, he lived to be 96 and enjoyed every day and sharp as a tack till the end .. well, I just can't comprehend the atrocities he saw and how he was treated .. it gives me solstice, well ... some days .

Oddly enough we can help many many others in this life but I think we forget just how to help ourselves.

God Squint...just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water...

I for one have certainly missed having you here. I'm sorry my friend to hear of your troubles. But, you are pretty old, and that can happen. I mean, if Island feels the same, I see a trend here for dinosaurs...

Good to have you back. We need you both, spreading hate and discontent, to keep us kids in line...

Welcome back Brother...

OLD ? well f u ! ... dinos wtf ? LMAO !

Dwayne your a prick but I still love you man and btw Dwayne is a Cool Name !

Edited October 1, 2013 by tniuqs

[chbare]

Welcome back, hope you are feeling and doing better. I wish I had an answer to the question of suffering, only to say that I have no particular belief that it is due to any sort of supernatural being's supreme plan. However, I am not here to talk about such things, only to welcome you back.

[paramedicmike]

Welcome back, Squint. I hope you can continue to heal and put things in their proper place.

[tniuqs]

Welcome back, hope you are feeling and doing better. I wish I had an answer to the question of suffering, only to say that I have no particular belief that it is due to any sort of supernatural being's supreme plan. However, I am not here to talk about such things, only to welcome you back.

chbare thank you very much brother, you are one of the most non judgmental, brilliant and kind man I have ever had the pleasure to disagree with, but you just made me cry again.

ps Don't tell Dwayne I said that !

[chbare]

No worries mate, have a great night. Hope to see you frequent the forums.

[mobey]

Holy $hit man welcome back! What a treat for the nOobs here (and us not-so-nOobs)

I have thought about you a lot over the last year but refrained from calling because I was afraid of stirring up some old stressors. I hope that does not happen here at the City!

look forward to chatting it up again bro

Take care

Marc

[uglyEMT]

Welcome back.

I can't imagine the pain you are fighting.

Please read my signature and hopefully the words will give you some strength. They have for me in my time of darkness and doubt. Hang in there brother... no need to even think about the dark side or the easy way out. Hell if it gets that cold and dark give me a call and we can walk through that darkness together, I'll hold the torch for you.

Stay strong brother.

Edited October 1, 2013 by uglyEMT