Its been a while eh ?

[Kaisu]

Squint I am soooo elated to see you. Man - sounds like you've run into a shit storm my friend. My brother offed himself 2 years ago. It certainly shakes us out of our ruts doesn't it?

After he died, I just couldn't do it anymore. Every dead body I ever saw started running through my feeble little mind. Everybody I loved became a dead body in my brain. The joy of the job went out of me.

My husband is a Vietnam combat vet. He was in Hue during Tet at the end of an impossible to believe people could survive tour. I have a PTSD diagnosis from childhood.

Guess what? You learn to cope. You heal. My credo is that grass grows through concrete. Life is about growth and reaching for the sun. Even if you do nothing but just keep breathing from one day to the next, if a person gets some space and light, they heal.

I am in school again and loving it.

Once again, it is great to see you again

[Happiness]

Good to see you back squint.

Edited October 1, 2013 by Happiness

[island emt]

God Squint...just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water...

I for one have certainly missed having you here. I'm sorry my friend to hear of your troubles. But, you are pretty old, and that can happen. I mean, if Island feels the same, I see a trend here for dinosaurs...

Good to have you back. We need you both, spreading hate and discontent, to keep us kids in line...

Welcome back Brother...

Dwayne and others: It's not that the ghost have invaded my mind:

But the fact that after decades of doing this thing we call EMS it does take it's toll on our physche. I don't care how strong you are , or how little feelings you have for your patients.

I have always been one of those that could run the call no matter how bad and then move on.

Last year I spent quite a bit of time with an elderly friend who's body was failing him. He was a brilliant retired 3 star Air Force general and as the months went on he began to fail slowly but steadily. His wife had set up hospice care for him , so he could be at home per his wishes.

The last 36 hours of his life we took him outside to sit in his gardens in the warm sunshine and when the end was near , i called all his grandkids & told them to come say goodbye.

We sat for a long night & when morning came he was agonal and opened his eyes & thanked me for being there for his wife & family. He stopped breathing 5 minutes later.

Yes I cried and felt it deep to my core.

Been there when lots of folks have passed and never felt that way before.

Shortly after that worked a code on a friend who we got back over a dozen times and couldn't keep her going. We held her hands and then she would stop again for over three hours until we called it in the ER as the Doc and we agreed there had been too much down time over that long period. She was the wife of a very close friend who had died from cancer the previous year and she just wanted to go be with him.

Yes again we cried and put another mark on the closet of our minds dark side.

At our age it starts to be a guessing game of when your next friend, acquaintance of yours or former co worker will be the next obit you see.

I hope to be able to spend a few more years enjoying life to it's fullest and then you whippersnappers can come take care of me & squint and the rest of us old dino's.

[Joker21]

Hey tniuqs!

You're one of the biggest reasons I started into this career and you're the reason I am on this forum. I had a wicked bad day that will likely haunt me on the job this morning and even though I almost never post, and rarely read up, thanks to you I felt like this was a safe community to maybe talk it out.

I met ya when I was 17, and even though we don't keep in touch much, I often think about the years you've put in to this field, and that I hope to help as many people as you have.

I sometimes think of it as the science-y nerd that I am, in that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. So we deal with people who are surrounded by, dunked in, and sh*ting out bad energy. And a big part of our job is to comfort, connect and try to ease that negativity in their physical and mental conditions. But that bad stuff doesn't just go away. It seems to be transferred, in part at least, to us practitioners.

You are strong to have carried the pain of so many for so long and I am sure that any patient would agree that you take some of the burden off them during those nasty calls.

Don't carry it alone. You took on everyones pain for 12+40 years and now its your turn to release it onto something else.

Welcome back.

Edited October 8, 2013 by Joker21

[tniuqs]

Most seriously, I just do not know what to say with these posts (very atypical) ..but accept to say thank you all for firstly sharing your stories/ lives and being honest with yourselves ..

Joker21 .. I will never forget the day I met you at Junior Forest Rangers, your enthusiasm for learning AND better understanding of physiology and comprehention of the Rx interactions was in top 98% of EMTs and you were still in high school ! I so wish you could have met Rob Davis (Dustdevil) he would have loved you as his lil sister as do I.

btw Dustdevil spelt it "Shyte" .... this type doest wash off unfortunately.

For me know being "retired" unexpectedly I am really quite lost .. hey got a ton of medical/ climbing gear I have no idea what I will do with now.

chbare stated it best (mildly plagiarizing him) : .................. Just hope to have more good days than bad.

I started this thread (not expecting so much personal support) it has really floored me .. my short term goal is to help Kate walking from Canso causeway .. to OTTAWA , we have, through my many contacts, well she is a bit more at ease with the financial aspect .. she's doing amazingly well .. full ruc and bleeding feet to bring the message home.

cheers

Squint

ps you know how to get a hold of me, visit anytime could use the company .. just don't kick my raggedy old ass ..OK ?

[Joker21]

I'm really glad to hear that you're floored. That means the support is coming through! I'll gladly take some gear off your hands! And I'd love to meet your pup! Kate's mission is amazing, what a heartfelt journey. And I'm happy you're finding joy in supporting it! I'll definitely send some coin her way

[Chief1C]

A boat, eh time

[Kiwiology]

Good to see you are still alive mate

I have crawled out the black hole myself ... *dusts off pants and throws away lorazepams

Next time I an in Albertobianuckistanada I will be sure to pop by

[Just Plain Ruff]

Good to see you are still alive mate

I have crawled out the black hole myself ... *dusts off pants and throws away lorazepams

Next time I an in Albertobianuckistanada I will be sure to pop by

Are you going to behave this time Kiwi or do we need to retrain you????? :)

[Kiwiology]

... or do we need to retrain you????? :)

No but I will be more selective and thoughtful in my angry, deconstructive rantings