Surgery details

[Michael]

A fisherman of whom I am a customer just emailed his clients this account of a recent ordeal. I thought it was so well written that I asked and received his permission to post it here. Some of us wonder exactly what happens after the patient is dropped off at the ED. Now you know. Warning: It's a bit graphic.

"Today I had the interesting experience of having my thumb tendon released from its sheath, which as you know was causing me trouble. The surgery took all of 5 minutes, I think it was.

"The surgeon used a miniature DeWalt (heavy-duty) circular saw with thin-kerf diamond encrusted blade to slice open the meaty tissue at the base of my thumb. A bit noisy but tolerable - remember, I had the benefit of local anesthesia. Then, he placed several hooks (they looked like fishing hooks to me) around the nerves and stuff that he needed to hold out of the way. These hooks were connected via stainless steel cables to pulley wheels on the ceiling, and were controlled by a foot pedal. I thought that was a bit of a dicey procedure, but I couldn't get up the courage to ask what happens if he accidentally stepped on the pedal too hard. Then, he hooked up a pair of hydraulically powered scissors to snip through the tendon sheath, which apparently is pretty tough tissue. While in the waiting room, I had wondered what the periodic "thumps" I felt as vibrations through the floor were, as I helped my Mom do her crossword puzzle. I put 2 + 2 together, and figured it out.

"The most interesting thing was sewing up the incision - the surgeon placed my hand in a special cradle and actually used a small Singer sewing machine to sew up the wound. This machine had a horizontal needle pattern, as opposed to the usual up-and-down that our home machines have. But first, he ran by me a selection of different stitch patterns from which I could choose - you know, zig-zag, butterfly, and on and on. I told him I couldn't care less and was perfectly happy with the standard zig-zag. The thought of walking around with some type of girlie stitch pattern in my hand didn't sit too well with me (no offense meant to my female customers - you know I'm not prejudiced, just realistic).

"The surgeon was very happy and has no doubt I will be 100% functional (not sure if that's a double-entendre or not), with no chance of re-occurrence. Meanwhile, as the anesthetic wears off, I am indeed in quite a bit of pain and am completely stressed out by the whole experience (Mom's french toast w/tupelo honey didn't arrive until I had practically finished my scrambled eggs w/bacon, at the Stone Mill Bakery).

"I would be truly grateful - I actually hate to ask - for ... a triple-layer double chocolate layer cake, or chocolate brownies w/gooey chocolate icing and also w/unmelted chocolate chips contained within the brownie (just like my wife makes up at the fish site) will also be greatly appreciated from the bottom of my heart."

The PRN sucrose Rx was a joke, but many took it seriously, poor guy.