boyfriend/work

[AJ]

my bf and i (6 mo) met at work - he was a volly emt (3rd on MICU) for us and i was paid (BLS/MICU). a few months ago he went paid with us and was put on wheelchair vans because he "didn't" have hazmat ops or evoc (he's from VA and it's all rolled into the emt card, no separate certs). when he did get the certs they kept putting him off and telling him they couldn't do his prehire test (to move up to BLS) for a month or two. he went to a neighboring company and put in an application. short of the story, he got the job (got further with them in 3 days than in the 2 years he was with us - volunteer time included) and started his orientation last week; he'll be on BLS trucks when he gets out of orientation with no wcv, which makes him (and me!) happy.

i'm really glad he got the job, esp since he wasn't getting anywhere with us, but i've been getting the flack from some of our providers about him leaving. yesterday (while i was doing medic student time on our hospital based unit) he brought a pt in and i was helping him and his partner put their truck back together and one of our emts walked past and made the comment of "you're in the wrong truck" to me. i've mostly been ignoring it bc it's really not worth answering and it's not worth making any of these people mad at me, since i have to work with them, but its getting frustrating and i can't vent to the bf because then he feels bad and feels like its his fault, etc.

also, a couple ppl told him he spends too much time on his phone. we talked maybe 5 or 6 short times (5-10 min) in 16 hrs. i hardly get to talk to him, much less see him, between my schedule and his, and i don't like it. we'll be able to talk more once he gets off orientation but i still won't see him very much. anyone have any suggestions as to how to deal with not seeing him much or spending a lot of time with him? i don't want our relationship to suffer because of any of this....and i know he feels bad because he told me yesterday he feels like he's been neglecting me and then i feel bad because he feels bad and i don't know how to help him and i don't like it when i can't do anything.

thx for letting me vent......

[Just Plain Ruff]

Unfortunately your relationship already is suffering, which is unfortunate. But it's not a lost cause at all

On your day's off spend it together. If you don't get days off together then spend the time between your shifts together.

If it is meant to be it will happen but EMS is a hard life on relationships and many fail.

I wish you luck. spend the little time you have together and cherish it. Just be glad you aren't travelling 4 days a week and your sig other works the other 3 days. It's hard but it works.

[hammerpcp]

I will share with you my general advice for all relationship problems.....Dump him. This strategy seems to resolve any and all problems immediately and with out the headache or extra effort. And I mean come on....That's where its headed anyway. :wink:

[Eydawn]

You can explain to your coworkers that it doesn't matter where he works- if you want to help put his rig back together, it's not because you have loyalty to his company, but because it gives you a minute or two with him in the middle of your day. Remind them that it's not a given that you will see someone when you get home at night because you never know what can happen, so one of these days it might actually be the last time you get to see him. (Not saying this is likely- just going with the appreciate the moment thing).

Also ask them to put themselves in his and your shoes- what if they had had paperwork snags that had prevented them from working as they wanted to? Wouldn't they have pursued other options? What if one of the girls instead of you had been dating him- how would she feel?

Unless talking brings more conflict, sometimes people just need to have the simple stuff pointed out again, whether they listen or not.

Wendy

NREMT-B

[medik8]

Making comments about you helping someone put their truck back together is juvenile. If someone looks as if their hands are full...or they are busy...and I'm not busy at the moment...I help. It builds camaraderie...friendships...you get to meet people from other services that you may not know... Besides, it's just friendly. Not to mention, sometimes needed. I walked over just the other day to a truck and helped a female EMT who was pregnant, and cleaning up the back of her truck. Her stretcher was sitting outside the truck, (obviously she was directed not to lift...which makes sense). She was waiting for her partner. I walked over and offered to put it in the truck for her. She smiled and said thank you...it took me all of 1 minute...

Now, I use my brain...I don't go messing with their drug box or anything like that, and I don't literally get IN their truck...but as far as the example I mentioned above...or something simple like that...what's the big deal? I think it more stems from the fact that you are helping your BOYFRIEND...not a fellow EMS worker. Some things you have to ignore. As long as you are not shirking YOUR duties to help him...then I don't see a problem with that.

xoxo :wink:

8

[Dustdevil]

Both of you need to put the stupid phones down and do your jobs.

When you're at work, work. When you're off, you can feed your adolescent lust.

Bottom line.

[Ridryder 911]

There are some services that have loyalty clauses.. that patronizing with the competitors can be held against you.. wrong yes, but legal.

I agree, with Dust do your job. We are considering not to allow the use of cell phones at work, because of actions like you described. I have seen medics stop tx to answer....

As both of you are new to the profession, be sure you keep the reputation of business like. Since your BF is new to his company, he might want to keep personal business down as well, once every 3 hrs. is quite a bit. Like I discussed most health care professions do not allow any personal phone calls, unless it is a life threatening emergency.

Good luck,

R/R 911

[EmergencyMedicalTigger]

I could see why someone might make a comment about you helping another service clean their truck. They work for another service and you're company as well as theirs might not appreciate you being on their truck. It's one thing to be friendly or hold a door open when someone is coming through with a stretcher, but it's a completely different story when you're helping clean and put their truck back in service!

As far as the cell phone, depending on company policy, it shouldn't be a big deal to talk on breaks. Maybe he's getting flack b/c he's answering at inappropriate times (ie, en route to a call, while on a call, when he's supposed to be working).

Just some thoughts. You're working for different services. I'd keep it professional and save lovey-dovey behavior for your days off.

[JakeEMTP]

Helping someone else ready their ambo is a nice gesture, provided your own unit is ready for service. He works for a different company. Your responsibility while on duty is your own unit. I can understand your partners point of view on this.

As far as the cell phone issue, 5 or 6 times is way to much, especially while working.

20 or so years ago, nobody had a cell phone and we got along just fine. We'd talk to our spouses, live-ins, or call our gf/bf, then say" I"ll see you after work". Professionalism is what we strive for. Stealing an hour from your employer, which is what you're doing since you are paid, is not professional at all.

[basic2be]

Give me a break dust! If your not driving and without pt. what the hell is wrong w/ saying hi on the phone. Some of you holier than thou's on this website really make me laugh. Do you ever sit back and wonder why people consider you hard to approach, you only get one ride around on this rock and aslong as your not hurting anyone, LIVE IT UP!!!!