trying to under stand

[Mediclcems]

Av-

I am also in EMS and my husband is not to fond of my job either. He hates the hours we have to work, we are on 24s. He doesn't like that I sleep in the same room with as many as 10 other men (who belch and fart and snore all night, what a turn on). And he's jealous of some of my co-workers. I have tried to have discussions with him about all of these things but he WON"T LISTEN. Listen to your wife. Try to get to know some of the people she works with and watch them interact and join in. See if her department has a ride along program and go with her one day to see what she does. I have tried to draw my man into the fold but he resists and refuses to even try. He doesn't support me one iota. And that is what is tearing us apart. I turn to my co-workers for emotional support I should get at home. IF your marriage was strong and healthly before EMS, it can be strong and healthly and survive EMS. Communication is always best...silence can kill.

Contact me if you want to chat more.

Good luck sweets.

[emswife]

Medic, I'm sorry to hear that your husband doesn't support you and is unwilling to compromise. In any marriage, over any issue, when spouses take a "my way or the highway" attitude, it usually spells a lot of trouble. I feel for the spouses married to you guys, I'm one of them. It can be very frustrating at times. But it's important to stay focused on the reasons you are together, the things that attract you to one another, and do what you can to nurture these things. It's easy to get bogged down by the negative issues we as married people face (long work hours, paying the bills, kids that aren't behaving that day, etc.), and lose perspective on how good we really have it.

It's not that easy to find someone that will love you for who you are, who can sustain a long term relationship in a manner that is worthwhile, but it can be done. Both spouses need to value and respect each other as the individuals that they are. Medic, would your husband appreciate it if he were pursuing something as important as your job is to you, and you weren't willing to support him? I don't think so, and you deserve the same consideration.

For the original poster, I hope things have improved for you and your wife. If the two of you truly love and respect each other (and yourselves, because I'd think being a spouse to someone in this line of work would be nearly unbearable to someone with low self-esteem), then you will find a way that works for you to resolve this. Counseling is certainly a valuable option.

As for the men joking, etc. with her, my husband worked with a sadly desparate woman who walked around in her underwear (and I mean very skimpy underwear) while at work to try to get male attention (I really hope that there isn't anyone here that really thinks it's appropriate to walk around in their underwear in front of their opposite sex co-workers, the nature of your job really does not resolve you of this basic decency). It wasn't my husband's fault, it was her's, and the company's for not discouraging her, if they were at all aware of what she was doing. Don't blame your wife, unless you feel she is encouraging truly indecent behavior, in that case you have every right to expect her to not engage in the offending behavior. She is only responsible for what she does or says. Don't create a situation where she will start to hide things from you because you get angry at her for what others do, that isn't fair.

[RogueMedic]

Whew!!!!!! Been there, done that, got T-shirts. I know what this is like. It really bites. My advice if I may is no different from what has already been posted except that I would add that you may be accused of being selfish on your part. Your wife has embarked on a new experience for her that you have already been properly indoctrinated into long before her. This is her time to break in and make her bones so to speak. Remember what it was like when you first started? I submit that it is THREE times harder for her because of the sometimes not so covert prejudices regarding women in this business.

I would also dare to interject that being married to you may have made the job even more appealing because you've been there. I've had to deal with it in the past to the extent that my wife(now EX) didn't like my spending 12 hours a day on a Bus with a Caucasian female as a partner. I even caught much grief when we planned days off for us to get together with my partner, her significant other and her children for the purpose to get to know the other. My wife accused my partner and I of creating a smoke screen to cover up a ficticious affair. Talk about your "Nut Job".

You are treading very murky waters. Understanding and tolerance as well as communication are the hallmarks that will strengthen your bonds with your wife. As far as competing with her younger peers, why should you. This is not WWE, so there is no defending your title. Who the heck dares to disbute the title of "Husband"?

I have long since done away with that type of stress because of who I partner with when I go to work. In fact, I refuse to deal with a woman who has those types of hangups. This is not the job for that. It has the potential to cause us to make very costly mistakes if we are distracted because of what our significant other may think or feel about who we work with. Do we not have bigger fish to fry these days?