Sorry, just need to vent tonight

[fire911medic]

Hey there everyone,

I just got off a bad shift today, had it really rough. Had the call that sticks with ya, a little girl was killed because her mother drank and drove. Had a DUI suspended license already. Beautiful 6 year old. I don't have kids, so normally I don't have as much of an issue as those who do, but this one really struck me as this poor child died because of a mothers stupidity. Also, to make matters worse, she hit a state trooper who was escorting our other ambulance to a possible code (turned out to be DOA due to an overdose - 19 y/o, what in his life could be THAT bad?). I love my job, I truly do, but today I just wanted to cry for those poor kids.....sorry I don't mean to go soft on you all tonight, but needed to settle my mind before I tried to sleep.

[JakeEMTP]

Hey fire. I'm truly sorry you had a terrible shift. I wish there were some inspiring words I could come up with, but everything sounds so cliche. When kids are involved it is a true tragedy.

I hope you can take some solice in the fact that I feel your pain. That's is what this extended family at EMTCity as well as your entire EMS brotheren are here for. We are only human. Sometimes traumas get the better of us. If you can't vent to us, who can you vent to?

Your reaction to your shift just proves your human. No worries here.

Peace

[Ridryder 911]

Ditto... there are days that you do questions things... but, none of us ever have the answer. I can empathize, I worked an arrest on a 35 year old yesterday, while her children watched... yes, some days are definitely better than others... hang in there...

Be safe,

R/r 911

[emswife]

I've watched as my husband has struggled with various calls over the years, and I've seen the internal struggle and fear associated with expressing emotions when faced with the horrible things you face regularly on the job. I am so very glad that you are able to share this here. I sincerely hope you also have people close to you that you trust enough to share this with (don't be afraid to do this, it is not a burdon when someone you care about shares their darkest moments with you, it is a gift of trust, and I hope the people in your life recognize this).

You never know when something is just going to "click" with you, when something is just going to get under your skin a little more. Maybe you will find yourself associating something personal with a call , maybe you'll just get overwhelmed by the enormity of the tragedies that surround you. I think it is normal to feel this way from time to time, you are most certainly not alone. So don't feel guilty or ashamed, or think that it makes you weak, it just means that you are human. If you didn't feel this way, then I'd be worried.

Take care of yourself, and I hope tommorow is a better day....

[buckeyedoc]

If you can't come here and vent, where can you go. There are dozens of people who have been through similar incidents and know how you are feeling. Especiall those of us who've been around a while **Dust**. It is tragic that the mother murdered her daughter by drinking and driving.

Doc

[medik8]

You are not going "soft". You are just being a human with feelings. We all go through this. Around Christmas, I was a basket case. I had lost a baby, and had several successive deaths...in the days before, ON and after the holiday. My partner wasn't much help because he was in just as bad a shape as me. It was a few here on the City that talked to me and helped me out. That's what we're here for...please don't ever hesitate to talk to me about anything. I also think I can speak for everyone when I say that any of us would help you out. Just say the word...

There are tough times, indeed. You WILL get past this and it WILL happen again... You just have to take comfort in the fact that you were there, you care, and you did all you could do.

:wink: It will be ok...I promise...

Here if you need to talk...

xoxoxo

Luv, 8

[Mediclcems]

Hey Fire...it's ok to be mad/sad/frustrated. That's one of the side effects of EMS. Calls with kids that are hurt or dead are the worst. That is a call you will never forget, but you will get over...promise...Her pathetic parent gets to live with the fact that she murdered her child.

I'd love to tell you that you'll never have a call like that again, but we both know that you will someday. Maybe a worse one. And that's going to take over the slot of 'worst call I've ever had'. I remember calls from 4-5 years ago because they just stick in my head. I like to think those calls have made me a better medic and person. Not to get all religious on you, but God will never give you more than you can handle.

Stay strong, stay safe.

[hammerpcp]

I am glad you posted this. I think everyone who has worked this job for any length of time has ghosts. But they do fade with time. The most important thing is to take care of you. Literally. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. Eating right and exercising are so important I can't stress this enough. Yes CISM has been pretty much debunked as of late. But what has been found with recent research, is that those who have a stress management strategy in place (can be as simple as eating right, exercising and talking to friends or family when you need to) deal much better in both the short and long run with stressful situations such as those, that you describe. We don't need any more burn outs in this field.

Someone mentioned above, that it is these calls that make you a better person and medic. I couldn’t agree more with this. No matter how jaded or callous people in this profession appear at times, they inevitably have an insight into life and the human condition that the average person is lacking.

It can be a high price to pay for this insight. Is it worth it to you?

I have wondered lately why people seem to be so much more affected by calls involving children. I used to think that kid calls would not get to me because I don't have any myself. In the meantime though, I have found otherwise. One of my worst calls ever also involved a young child who died senselessly.

But please continue to vent. It is not only good for you to let it out, but it is good for me to hear that others have similar feelings and experiences.

[RaceMedic]

firemedic,

In 1995 My brother lost his 3 kids in almost the exact same scene. his Ex wife was driving drunk to take our niece ( sisters daughter) home from babysitting their three kids while she was working. she blew a stop sign on the by-pass and was T- boned by a tractor trailor. Killed the little ones and perm. damaged our niece.

This accident caused me to leave EMS for a couple of yrs. I was scheduled to work that night and had made other arrangements to be somewhere else. good thing as it turned out.

Your not going soft. it is a normal responce. On a good note, my brother is now a Graduate nurse waiting to take his NCLEX

Im incredibly proud of him !!!!!!!!!!!!

Race

[emswife]

I think it was Hammer that said she didn't think that calls with children would have bothered her, but had found otherwise and wasn't sure exactly why. I'd say there are probably a multitude of different reasons for everyone. However, one thing I'd think you'd find in common is that we are aware that children are dependent on the adults that are supposed to protect them, and when those adults fail, or are outright negligent (or worse), and the children pay the consequences, the unfairness itself can be maddening. They are innocent, and at the mercy of the decisions made for them. That six year old didn't have a choice, she died because of her mother's decision, and she had so much in life she hadn't even had a chance to experience.

It is understandable why calls involving children will bother anyone more, even if that person doesn't like kids (my husband tells me he has worked with a few people that don't :? ). I think it is frustration at the flagrant disregard of responsibility for something so vulnerable that we have in common.

As for the nineteen year old that commited suicide, perhaps there were mental issues, and for some reason he just couldn't see "the light at the end of the tunnel". I don't know. Anyone who truly values themselves will most likely have a hard time wrapping there head around that one. I'm just sorry he wasn't helped before he took his life (not saying that the people around him didn't try, or were even aware that he was contemplating suicide).