EMS Mysteries......

[hartzap7261]

I have been in EMS for nearly thirty years. My tenure in EMS has revealed some of the secrets of this challenging profession. I would like to start the discussion by giving examples of a couple of these timeless mysteries. I hope that other EMS people who have experienced the same phenominon will dare to share.

Mystery # One: WHY DOES THE AMBULANCE ONLY GET DIRTY BELOW THE SOLID COLOR STRIPE? Did you ever notice that when it comes time to wash your rig....it is only necessary to wash the lower half...the part below the solid stripe. Hmmmmmmmm.

Mystery # Two: WHEN YOU COMPLETE A CARDIAC ARREST CALL...THE DRUG ADMINISTRATION TIMES ALWAYS SEEM TO MATCH THE CURRENTLY ACLS ALGORITHM PERFECTLY i.e.: epinephrine 1:10,000 IVP @ 13:20, epinephrine 1:10,000 @ 13:25, epinephrine 1:10,000 @ 13:30 Hmmmmmmmm

Mystery # Three: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER KNOW WHO LEFT THE MAIN OXYGEN TANK ON? One theory is that hung over elves turn on the tanks when the rig is not in use...and they take turns sucking down high flow O2 to cure their elfen hangovers. Hmmmmmmmmm

Mystery # Four: WHY DO EMESIS BAGS HOLD 500 MLS WHEN THE AVERAGE STOMACH HOLDS 750-1000 MLS? An obvious design flaw Hmmmmmmmm

Please feel free to add to the "mystery" list... :wink:

[Scaramedic]

Mystery # Two: WHEN YOU COMPLETE A CARDIAC ARREST CALL...THE DRUG ADMINISTRATION TIMES ALWAYS SEEM TO MATCH THE CURRENTLY ACLS ALGORITHM PERFECTLY i.e.: epinephrine 1:10,000 IVP @ 13:20, epinephrine 1:10,000 @ 13:25, epinephrine 1:10,000 @ 13:30 Hmmmmmmmm

It is amazing how that worked out on all of my arrests too. :wink:

Another mystery is how come if you get a good nights sleep before a 24hr shift, you only run one or two calls, but if you stay up all night with the intention of sleeping during your shift you end up running 27 calls?

Peace,

Marty

:joker:

[hammerpcp]

Why do Pt's always start experiencing chest pain after you have given your report to the triage nurse at the hospital saying that they are not having any chest pain? Or more critical pt's, who's symptoms miraculously resolve as soon as you pass through the ER doors.

[ERDoc]

Why do Pt's always start experiencing chest pain after you have given your report to the triage nurse at the hospital saying that they are not having any chest pain? Or more critical pt's, who's symptoms miraculously resolve as soon as you pass through the ER doors.

Don't feel bad, it happens inside the hospital also. A pt will c/o toe pain when the med student goes in, then abd pain when the resident goes in and finally chest pain when the attending goes in. When the admitting resident comes to see the pt, the pt will wonder why he is being admitted for toe pain.

[medic53226]

1. Why does every pt you pickup that has been drinking, has only drank 2 beers, but the truck he was driving has a trail of beer cans a city block wide.

2. Why when you ask a pt if he/she is in pain and they say yes, but are allergic to q OTC pain med but can handle anything else.

3. I found it is amazing that a pt can't feel his legs, and can regain feeling the second the doctor puts on his glove to check his sphincter muscle. WOW

[Dalformer]

Mystery # Two: WHEN YOU COMPLETE A CARDIAC ARREST CALL...THE DRUG ADMINISTRATION TIMES ALWAYS SEEM TO MATCH THE CURRENTLY ACLS ALGORITHM PERFECTLY i.e.: epinephrine 1:10,000 IVP @ 13:20, epinephrine 1:10,000 @ 13:25, epinephrine 1:10,000 @ 13:30 Hmmmmmmmm

:

Never look at the clock anyway... So we just make it look good.

Besides, it usually doesn't matter. The person codes out in the ER after a short and ill attempted resuscitation the second we enter the ER.

[Asysin2leads]

Why do the drug times always match the ACLS guidelines? Because otherwise, we get sued and buy some greaseball lawyer another bag of cocaine to do off a $1000 a night hooker's ass. Anymore questions?

[AZCEP]

Why do the sickest patients live the furthest from medical care?

Why is every bystander at a scene a former healthcare provider of some level?

[Ridryder 911]

1) Obese and large patients are subjected by the size of the room or house. The larger the patient the smaller the room and hallway.

2) All patients living in trailer houses have to be > 300 pounds and there can not be < 10 cement blocks in height with stability for a porch.

3) Projection of vomit/emesis is calculated by doubling the square feet distance between stretcher and you. Please double if wearing white.

4) Lower G. I. Bleeds occurs more often in temperature >95 degrees and A/C unit is not fully functioning, upper G.I. bleeds please refer to number 3.

5) When searching for address or location it is easy to find by looking for the crappiest, run down house. Add 2 points if it has a ramp, and a 1 more if it is steel re-enforced. Bonus if there is a "No Smoking, Oxygen in use " placard on the front door.

6) Why do motorist forget which way left is, when pulling over?

7) Inability to have air transport increases chance of having major trauma patients on the next MVC.

[SSG G-man]

The more severe your need to urinate, the greater the likely hood of a call in the next 30 seconds.