The Best Chief Complaint

[chazmedic]

3 am. Called for a guy who had a cigarette lighter stuck in his anus. Why was a cigarette lighter stuck in his anus you ask? Because he had been found guilty of something and had a 40 day stay in the county jail. They don't allow tobacco in the jail. Quote time:

"I could get $10.00 for the lighter and $2.00 a cigarette." Ah yes, our boy was a highly refined smuggler of prohibited goods. Bringing joy to cons everywhere.

When he got there, the jail was overcrowded so they just released him with a fine. It's now 12 hours later and he wants the lighter out.

At the hospital, X rays revealed...no lighter. He forgot to mention the big poop earlier that eveing. And yes, we asked him that one.

I always wondered where the cigarettes were hidden.

"Hey man, these don't taste like menthols!"

[Star09]

Not my call, but my partner's. A patient who said she "lost all time and space". She didn't remember falling asleep.

[GAmedic1506]

aaaaa

[NREMT-Basic]

Dispatched C3 to attepted suicide. Arrived on scene to find EDP very drunk and high on cold medicine. Her husband was tired of dealing with her and called us. After telling us she wanted to go to the hospital, we gave her her choice of any one of the three EDs and she informed us that she couldnt go to any of them because she was the crisis intervention social worker for all three. The week before, she had signed a refusal to go to ED because she had a headache, but informed EMS that she was a brain surgeon and didnt want anyone taking care of it but herself--that is self brain surgery to remove the offending whatever. Because of AMS we couldnt have her sign a refusal. Transported to the hospital while she slept in the cozy ambulance...on her way to a 72 hour psych hold. Gotta love those EDPs.

[redwolfef6]

In the system I work the Fire dept. is the medical authority. They called in one of our ambulances for toilet paper stuck in the nose (5 y/o).

One night we got dispatched on an possible OD with Fire. U/A pt stated she thought she might have accidentally ODed on her evening meds and wanted checked out... happened around 2300. :roll:

[sickbxy]

dispatched 4pm 22y/o f sick person. on we climb a steep set of stairs greeted by a guy at the door, there's a female on the bed.

Medic asks "what's going on?, she states "my cervix hurts"

"how do you know it's your cervix?" "I'm really in touch with my body"

"Um... What time did your cervix started hurting?" "midnight last night"

(boy friend starts squirming about this time)

Medic asks "what were you doing last night at midnight?" "we were having sex",

"Can you walk down the stairs to our gurney?" "no"

"Can you stand with our help?" "no"

When we got to the ER she was put in the OB room, closes the door and asked suspiciously

"what is going on with her?" "ummmmmmmmmmm.... (whispering) her boyfriend banged her too hard last night"

Nurse asks "Is he here?" "He said he'll be here, I think he's just calling all his friends first"

Nurse almost fell on the floor laughing...

[napave]

a] [/font:34bccd151e]Allergic reaction at the yearly town festival. After fighting our way, code 3, through the crowded downtown streets that were blocked to traffic for the festival, we find the 'patient' inside the train depot. She was holding a cold pack to her forehead. Turns out one of the men displaying his model train had noticed that this female had a red forehead. He convinced her that she had an allergic reaction to having her eyebrows waxed. She had never had them waxed before that day so she didn't know that they would turn red. The man was a first responder in a neighboring state who just so happened to have his jump bag inside the depot with him. To make things even worse, we had to wait for a full size freight train to pass before we could leave the depot and return to the ambulance that was parked on the other side of the train tracks.

[temsp40]

dispatched for impaled object in finger.

Arrived to find 6 y/o male with a staple through the figner nail -- embedded through the tip (i.e. white part that gets cut off) to the cuticle -- take leatherman, extract staple, mom signs refusal and promptly trims fingernails.

..... :shock:

[emtpsaveu911]

My partner and i actually got toned out for a Dog being hit by a car! We sat there and look at each other for a minute then the phone rang -dispatch-sure enough-PRthing a lady called and said her dog had been hit by a car and didnt know who else to call could we come and look at it. So off we roll ( no L & S) :wink: anyway we get there and this little mut has his eyeball hanging out and the lady is crying and her three kids are running around screaming and we are saying there is not much we can do other than --the dog actually let us keep the eye moist with saline while my partner called local vets at home --mind you its like 2200 noone will come in to help until morning. So then all of the sudden this lady's drunk ass husband comes home-pissed off that shes called an ambulance for the dog hes stumbling every where yells hes gonna go and get his gun and we were outta there! :shock: Enough PR for us. see ya . We called county to check the situation out cause he was pretty out of control when we left.

[rdelisle]

I wasn't on this one but I was on duty when the call came in. Dispatch received a call from a twenty something year old female for an uncontrolled bleeding call. Upon further questioning from dispatcher the bleeding was said to be coming from her boyfriend's genitals. A unit was dispatched (after a small fight over who would take the call) and on arrival located a twenty something year old male with bleeding from the shaft of his penis. After more questions it was determined that the female had gotten a little exuberant in her lovemaking and tore the males foreskin :shock: . Patient was transported while maintaining pressure on injured part and received an "emergency circumcision" at the hospital. Patient was released the next day.