The Best Chief Complaint

[medic403]

I have a couple that come to mind.

1) called to a 21 yoF c/o cut finger can not control bleeding. On scene found a 1/4 " cut no longer bleeding. ask how long the finger was bleeding. pt stated "about an hour. I would of called sooner but we wanted to eat our lobster and corn on the cob first." wrapped and left.

2) called for a 40 y o F c/o splinter in finger. Removed and left

3) teeth are itchy. transported psyc

4) called for a 75 y o F not feeling well. on scene pt stated "my vagina feels tight". bls pt to hospital

5) my favorite ones is getting called for a 10-48 (unwittnessed death). first time I was called to a 10 48 I touched the pt and she woke up. family could not wake pt up by shouting across the room. (Can you say heart failure?) 2nd time I was called to a 10 48 in progress. I dunno how they came to that conclusion but they (dispatch) did. Lady was alive and yes we did take her for some other medical reason.

I could go on and on. but those were some that stuck out. Hope you enjoy them

[itxtme]

Heres one with a bit of a story,

Dispatched P1 to respiratory arrest. The call was about 5 minutes down the road, so off we go L&S, arrive at the address and someone starts honking. Hop out the back of the ambo and follow the car down the address of the call out. O/A the pt hops out of the drivers side and tell us he will be one minute. He is not in respiratory distress in any way shape or form. So we ask the wife who was passenger what the deal is. She tell us he is finding it really hard to breath and so they went to the doctors. The doctor unsure diagnosed the pt with “respiratory distress” said he would get an ambulance to come pick them up and take them to the hospital. The pt told the doctor he needed to get an overnight bag so the doctor said he would get the ambulance to meet them at home, then called 911 and got us out P1!?!?!?

On the way to hospital the pt said that he had saw us blaring down the main road and knew we were for him so followed us P1 at 70kph in a 50kph area.. When asked why he didn’t drive himself to hospital he said he didn’t want to leave his car in the car park.

NOTE: The pt was not admitted and told to go home..

[medic_ruth]

A couple of years ago while working an area that has State Prisons in it, I was called to one of them for a beta blocker over dose. Arrived and found that the prisoner had taken half a bottle of his blood pressure med. he wasn't doing well, we did our thing, took care of him and went back in service. The medic who was coming on to relieve me that evening had the nerve to laugh at me when he came in for having such a crappy call. he was still laughing when I walked out the door......2 hours later my patients bunk mate took the other half of the beta blockers! ha ha oncoming medic. what goes around comes around.

[emt_FABULOUS]

My favorite C/C from a pt: "I had a fifth of vodka with breakfast." (yes, transported)

Good stuff i've heard over dispatch recently...

Respond Pri 1 to intersection of ___ and ___ for the male with psych issues. The unit asks for a description of the patient. Dispatch: "Yes, he is reported as the male wandering around with no pants on."

and... Respond Pri 1 to ____ for the 17 yo M who injured his pinky finger.

[Michael]

"I had a fifth of vodka with breakfast." (yes, transported)

Assuredly; a fifth of vodka will transport anyone.

[uglymedic]

Dispatched to local residence priority 1 for 57 y/o female choking, unable to breathe. Husband on scene has medical problems and cannot help, neighbor on scene too small and cannot help.

A fast paced walk inside and we come to the husband pointing down the hallway (it's an old single wide trailer) saying, "she's in the bathroom."

Enter bathroom expecting the worst and find a lady standing 6'3" and 250 lbs. (no wonder they couldn't help) standing in front of the toilet gagging, coughing, and spitting. She is PWD and moving air well. I ask her what's going on.

"I took a drink of my pop and didn't notice there were ants in it and swallowed them and one is stuck in my throat."

Yeah, OK...

So, I look with a flashlight and sure enough! There's a black ant clamped onto her left tonsil. Attempts to remove with a q-tip aren't successful. Laryngoscope with #3 miller and Magill forceps are used to extricate the ant. Pt. is very thankful and feeling much better.

We clear the scene and advise central that the ant was successfully extricated from the patient's throat and we were available.

The dispatcher tried unsuccessfully to not laugh as well as her colleagues in the background.

On the way back to the station, I questioned how one could drink ants in soda. My partner says while they were standing there, he noticed about fifteen ants on their bed.

My partner, myself, and our ride along all caught a good case of "the creepy itchies" for awhile.

On a side note, one of the dispatchers knew "her". Apparently she wasn't a large woman, she was a former man.

God I love my job!

ug

[Eydawn]

Ggghaaaah! That gave *me* a case of the creepy itchies and I'm not even in the same state!! lol...

This happened to a friend of mine who was another medic at the camp I worked at this year... fortunately they were both dudes

15 y/o male:

"Uh... well... (whispers) my balls hurt and I don't know what to do"

Medic:

"Were you around some attractive female?"

15 y/o male:

"(whispers) yea"

Medic:

"Let me guess... got a little excited?"

15 y/o male:

"(whispers) yea"

Medic:

Go to sleep and then "remedy the problem" in the morning.

15 y/o male:

"(really embarrassed) ok"

Kid comes back the next day...

15 y/o male:

"I feel great!"

Medic:

ROFL after the kid leaves

Wendy

NREMT-B

[vs-eh?]

Enter bathroom expecting the worst and find a lady standing 6'3" and 250 lbs. (no wonder they couldn't help) standing in front of the toilet gagging, coughing, and spitting. She is PWD and moving air well. I ask her what's going on.

"I took a drink of my pop and didn't notice there were ants in it and swallowed them and one is stuck in my throat."

Yeah, OK...

So, I look with a flashlight and sure enough! There's a black ant clamped onto her left tonsil. Attempts to remove with a q-tip aren't successful. Laryngoscope with #3 miller and Magill forceps are used to extricate the ant. Pt. is very thankful and feeling much better.

WHAT

THE

FACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is the last straw.

My faith in EMS is absolutely destroyed. Especially American EMS...If others are reading that and say "What is the problem?" I pity you...Tell me where you work uglymedic so I can forward this to your medical director.

I don't believe this...I hope you are joking...And if you're not, you are an absolute and total idiot.

[MeekoBB]

Dispatched to residence for an assist...Elderly male wanted us to pick his pants up from around his legs. Hx of Parkinson's.

Dispatched to residence for welfare check...Handicapped bedridden female dialed 911 because she was excited that her daughter was coming to visit.

Another crew dispatched to residence for "medical"...Get there and there is an unbearable stench in the air...PD on scene notices dead flies on window sill (doesn't meantion it til later), Pt, wants to go to ER to get his legs checked out...He said he doctor told him 3 months earlier that his legs had gangrene and would need to be amputated. Pt didnt schedule surgery b/c he thought it would go away. He did his own bandaging...papertowels & duct tape...Crew was not willing to remove bandaging because the stench was so horrible...At the ER crew chief gives report to RN, "Elderly male w/ gangrene to both feet"...RN "How would you know it's gangrene?" "It's gangrene! Would you like to SMELL??" RN starts to approach pt in a huff, gets a wiff, and put pt in the resp iso room. The poor clerk started to come into the room to get pt info, gets to the door, gets a wiff, "I'll be right back", and returns wearing a mask. After the crew started taking bets if there were maggots inside....Sure enough, they return later with another pt and yup...maggots.

[theotherphil]

Call to a female Police officer, returned home from work to find dog has eaten her tortoise. The only thing left was a part of the leg.