The Best Chief Complaint

[LasVegasEMTI]

some are calls I ran, some are other crews I work with...

*"I have the ceasar's" (seizures)

*"I have a rash between my legs" "For how long?" "Three months." "What made this an emergency at 2am?" "I didn't think the bus ran this time of day" (we're a mile from the hospital, yes, transported)

*"I'm tired." (yes, transported)

*"Can you change my lightbulb? I'm going to trip in the dark and hurt myself if you don't fix it." (yes, I actually changed it, I knew I'd be back otherwise)

*"I can't find my TV remote"

*"Why didn't you just drive your mom for this direct admit?" "I didn't feel like it so I called 911" (yes, transported)

*"My chest hurts" (3 times a day, at least 3 days a week, urban nomad frequent flyer)

*"I have a drinking problem. I drank too much." "How much did you drink today sir?" "Two beers." (yes, transported)

*Code 2 transfer, Respiratory Distress. Pt resting comfortably on 2lpm O2 per facility. UA, crew found Pt unconscious. "Of course he's comfortable ma'am!"

*"I have secret information the government wants from me. They aren't getting it." (yes, transported)

*Dispatch: "39yo F 7mos pregnant threatening suicide, in the laundry room smoking crack" (God bless my dispatchers ability to not laugh)

*"Why do you want to go to the hospital?" "I know you won't take me to the bar, but the hospital is closer it to in than here"

[LasVegasEMTI]

oh I forgot my favorite!!

Dispatched to older lady with foot pain. UOA found pt sitting on couch in living room. "Ma'am, what's the matter?" "My foot hurts." (looking at the two cars parked in the driveway) "So why didn't you drive yourself to see the doctor?" "Well, I don't drive. I was going to have my husband drive me but he wanted to go play horseshoes. I asked Jesus what I should do, and all of a sudden my foot started really hurting so I knew God was telling me to call 911. I told my husband he could go play horseshoes and I called you guys. God bless you guys, God bless you." (yes, transported, after walking patient out of house.)

[Timmy]

Got a couple:

Had a person come into the first aid post screeming there head off "I broke my leg, help me i've brocken my leg" Note she came walking in with a minor limp lol... nothing a bit of ice couldnt fix.

Had a motocross guy come up to me "dude I think I need some ice or something" His ankle was on a 90 degree angle...

"Excuse me just letting you know I'm pregnate" heres me thinking she was going to have a baby right there lol "oh no I'm just letting you know just in case"

Oh got a good one... at a concert had this guy come up... "hey I think I'm dying"

[ChrisT@ncare]

Well lets see i have a few

1. i have the flu was at the doctor about 2hrs ago but the tablets are not working

2. 3am back pain Q: how long have u had the back pain A: about 3 days

3. Ma'am whats seems to be the problem. A:I'm feeling sick

4.Dispatched to FALL FROM HEIGHT arrive on scene hi can u help me i fell out of bed and can't get back in

5.Dispatch pt has leg injury can't move. on scene pt walks to ambulance so much for the injury to the leg

[NREMT-Basic]

Dispatched as possible suicide attempt. Arrive on scene to find drunk husband and even drunker wife (pt) who has also just injested a box of cold tablets. Still A/o enough to make decision about hospital: Do you want to go to "central receiving"..."Oh no I cant go there...Im the crisis intervention counselor at that hospital." Go figger.

[JPINFV]

^

I had a transfer from an ER to the county's main psych evaulation and treatment center ("threatened suicide," long story). Apparently she was a case manager at the hospital we picked her up at.

[Niftymedi911]

Well, way down here in the south things get kinda crazy.

Had one guy walk into our station, found us then when we asked what was wrong he said his back hurt. assessment showed 2 gsw's to the lumbar area of back.

Another one, per our dispatch info on our screen "43 y/o m Y(awake) Y( Breathing) walked around apartment and stubbed toe" 0246 AM.

Last week this one probably top it. "I called 911 faked a heart attack so you guys would come here quicker, i dont feel right... I want my dilatin level checked". was off med's no more then 12 hrs. Only took once daily. Had mother on scene at home, had 2 cars in drive way and was less then 1/2 mile from ER..... (transported)

We had a 10-18 (lights and sirens) transfer from one of the cath labs to another one, let's just put it this way he was suffering from CTDRTF ( Circling The Drain Ready To Flush) syndrome. He was able to speak, said that he wasnt gonna make it to the hospital, less then 7 minutes later not even out of the elevator, he coded........

Last one, last duty day dispatched to personal injury. 50's y/o F Y Y hip pn from fall at ground level. No further. Comming from a local nursing home. UOA, LPN went to work drunk as a skunk tripped and fell disloacting her hip......

[Lone Star]

Toned to the residence of an 80-ish year old couple for ' a bee in the ear' of the husband. Time: 0530. Wife states 'it must be one of them big suckers, cause I can hear it too'. After visually checking the ear canal with a flashlight, nothing found. Pt stated that the bedroom must be where it gets 'aggrivated' because thats where it starts buzzing. The buzzing stops when I leave the room. Checked the bed room, and found the alarm clock set for 0530, and set to a low volume.

Amazingly, the 'buzzing' stopped when the alarm was turned off!

Oh yeah....almost forgot, we were dispatched code 3, because the husband is allergic to bee stings......

What a great way to start a day!

[Connie31079]

I was on OJT (on-the-job-training, for those of you unfamiliar with OJT), and we got toned-out for a cardiac arrest. Told it was 60ish year-old male, witnessed arrest.

Wasn't too far away from our station, we drove @ breakneck speed to the house, the 3 of us jump out, my preceptor, his partner and myself, and head for the house, hauling defib, A-kit (which weighs 50 lbs.), drug kit, suction, etc....

Enter the door, and find a woman crying hysterically, sitting on the couch in the living room. She has her hands covering her face, and she's bawling her eyes out, rocking back and forth.

We all stand there, yelling at the woman, "WHERE IS HE!?!?".....meaning the patient, of course.....she takes a hand from her face and points....."He's right there!! Can't you see him????"

We stand there, mouths open, looking around the living room, and ask her again...."He's right WHERE? We don't see anything!!"

She points to the floor of the living room.....wailing, and says in an aggravated voice "My God, he's dead on the floor, RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU! Can't you see him lying there????"

So, we proceeded to search all the rooms of the house, just to be sure......didn't find any cardiac arrest patient.

Learned later that this woman was just released from the local mental hospital. Neededless to say, police took her back!!

[fiznat]

Heard this call go out over the radio yesterday:

Unit 919, please respond to the cross of _____ and _____ for the reports of an open sharp on the sidewalk. Please obtain the sharp and put it in your sharps box.