Be sure to check out Number 11..........

[windsong]

When someone puts in for Child Support in the UK, the proper thing to do is find out who the father is and see why he is not providing support.

The following are all replies that women have written on

Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's details.

Or putting it another way..... Who's your Daddy! These are genuine

Excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out Number 11.......... It

Takes the prize and Number 3 is runner up.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was

Fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father

Of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was

Being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I

Can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the

Party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was

Conceived at a party at 36 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex

With a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good

That I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you

Send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a

BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.

Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if

he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am

Awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception

Was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to

Do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic

Implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you

And right by the country. Please advice

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the

Same to me.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him,

Can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also

Borned at the same time....well I don't have a clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney

World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember

For sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the

Evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going

To the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained

Unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all

When you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.