JOKE OF THE DAY

[windsong]

“Mommy, one of the kids at school called me a sissy.”

“So what did you do, Benny?”

“I hit him with my purse.”

[becksdad]

Two peanuts were walking down the road, and one was a salted.

[CoyoteMedic]

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"

The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight and is sick most mornings."

The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, "Well,I don't know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant - about 4 months would be my guess."

The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?"

Darla says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

[uglymedic]

Mrs. Smith is teaching her third graders about science. In part of her lesson she tells the children that humans are the only species that stutter.

Little Bobby raises his hand and says, "Mrs. Smith, I had a cat that would stutter!"

Mrs. Smith, loving the cute little stories that children tell, asked him to proceed.

"Well, one time we were in the back yard. The neighbor's rottweiler got a running start and jumped the fence! He headed straight for my cat. Well, my cat starts going, 'Fffff', 'Ffffff", and before he could say "F*ck, the rott ate him!"

ug

[paramedicmike]

An artist was commissioned to do a painting of what was believed to be Custer's Last Thought before he and a good portion of the 7th Cavalry were massacred at Little Big Horn.

So she goes and does research and brain storms and finally comes up with an idea for a painting.

She let's no one see it before it's unveiling.

At the day of it's dedication to the museum, there are crowds of people present for the event. The mayor, senators, congressmen, even the govenor are all there. Speeches are made. Applause is given. Finally, the unveiling.

The head curator of the museum pulls the cord removing the curtain covering the painting. Immediately the crowd is disgusted with what they see.

The painting shows a huge lake. Out of the middle of the lake jumps a fish with a halo around it's head. On the shore of the lake, and as far into the distance as can be seen, are couples of natives having sex.

The curator furiously demands an explanation from the artist.

She replies, "Well, the way I figure it, the last thing to go through Custer's mind was 'Holy mackerel! Where'd all these fucking indians come from!'".

-be safe.

[Ridryder 911]

Subject: MATH TEACHER ARRESTED

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a ruler, a protractor, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of eval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president

R/r 911