Remember this. . .

[windsong]

There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee.

So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary.

He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision.

So he called in Jack, explained the situation and, of course, Jack said he didn't want to lose his job,

but he understood the boss's situation.

Then he called in Mary, and said, 'Mary, I've got a problem;By the end of the day,

I've got to lay you or Jack off...'And Mary says, 'Then you're gonna have to jackoff,

buster, I've got a headache!'

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Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names.

"That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there,

Cha-Cha."

Send email to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."

Send email back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate.

Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

Send email messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom.

When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say,

"oh you've got to be faster than that.

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