MY EMS Rules to Live By...

[ambulance_princess9821]

1. Cover your ass! (CYA)

2. Sometimes people will die despite our best efforts!

3. In the event of Rule 2 refer to Rule 1!

4. Just remember it's their emergency, not yours!

5. ASYSTOLE is a very stable rhythm!

6. Dead people very seldom get any better, but they never get worse!

7. If it felt good saying it, you probably shouldn't have!

8. A patients weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in a building!

9. Can you walk?...Have you tried?...Are you sure you can't walk? (see Rule 8).

10. If EMS workers never eat, sleep,or go to the bathroom... nobody would ever get sick or injured!

11. The amount of whining an injured patient does is in inverse proportion to the severity of their injuries!

12. Be scared of the child that isn't crying!

13. If you go on an MVA after midnight and don't find a drunk...keep looking... someone is missing!

14. All bleeding stops eventually!

15. Equipment will fail only at the time you really need it!

16. Expect to get screwed and you won't be disappointed!

17. If you have to ask, seek a refresher course!

18. Never ASSUME (because if there was ever a profession that it could bite you in the ass, this is it).

19. Never take a previous call with you to the next.

20. There is no I in the word TEAM.

21. Be able to turn it on and off like a bulb or it will catch up with you and burn you out!

22. If you drop a baby, fake a seizure!

23. The RULE of 3's-If it's 3am and there is 3 flights of stairs they will be 300+lbs.

24. Skinny people don't need ambulances!

25. The patient will always be in the most difficult part of the house there is to get them out of, ( up steep stairs, in the basement, or in the back bedroom of a house with a very narrow hallway) and the patient usually is 300+lbs.

26. The size of the car is in inverse proportion to the patient (it's always the 300+ people that wrecked their YUGO)!

27. "Air goes in, Air goes out, and Blood goes around and around" Anything other than that is a bad thing!

28. I go home at the end of the shift.

29. My partner goes home at the end of the shift.

30. Any variation of Rules 1 or 2 are NOT allowed!

31. If you don't recognize the rhythm, SHOCK it until you do!

32. An oxygen mask is NOT a source of entertainment![/font:a7edbdc1ca]

[MeekoBB]

12. Be scared of the child that isn't crying!

Had a baby approx 8 mos a few weeks ago that knocked the cooking spoon outta mom's hands and splattered hot oil on herself...The superficial layer of skin on the top of the foot was removed...We got on scene and the baby was screaming....We smiled happy that we heard the screams even before we saw the pt yet. We wrapped the foot best we can with the burn sheet as the baby was screaming and kicking. Enroute baby tires herself out from all the crying so i had to keep prodding her to stay awake and pinching her good foot to wake her and induce more screaming.

15. Equipment will fail only at the time you really need it!

Yup! 99.9% of the time its the stair chair...and usually when we have a heavy pt.