*Eating Tips for the Holidays *

[vivibonita]

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet

table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,

leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any

other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000

calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an

"eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it!!!! Have one for me.

Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your

mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or

whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car

with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control

your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other

people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello???

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while

carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself

near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the

center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave

them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat - have a slice of each.

Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always

have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some

standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or

get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips:

Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave

with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved

body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly

used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

[emtkelley]

I have read this before and love it!

Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave

with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved

body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly

used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"

A true testament to the way I live my life.

[BushyFromOz]

PAVLOVA! PAVLOVA! PAVLOVA!