My Partner: Socially? He's Great. As an EMT? ARGH!

[AnthonyM83]

Bolded for those of you who don't read long posts...you can scan.

I'm not sure what advice can be given other than getting a new partner, but thought I'd throw it out there in case anyone's had similar experiences.

So, I get along great with him when just talking on the ambulance. Similar interests, humor, mindsets, values. We really entertain ourselves to death and are constantly out of breath laughing.

BUT when we're on a call or even just discussing work/procedure related stuff, it's complete miscommunication. It's like a bad relationship. Conflict at every statement. On call, we cannot seem to coordinate the gurney. When we're first on-scene it's just a befuddled mess. Now, here's the critical part: This doesn't happen with my other partners when I pick up OT or he trades a shift. When I'm with someone else, it feels like a strong confident purposeful crew like I think we're supposed to feel.

I think part of it is that we get only 3 days of training when we get hired, so there's a LOT of ways of doing things that's left for individual crews to figure out. Another difference: I volunteered, then worked, at a PD (non-sworn) for over 6 years previously...I grew up in the culture, so we have different mindsets as far as emergency services. I'm liability minded (compared to at this job...at my old job I was comparatively very casual), I'm into progressing EMS field, have some experience in social/political dynamics of an agency.

Now, I HATE being the one correcting my partner. And statistically, I'm new too, so I'm going to be wrong sometimes, so I feel weird correcting him most of the time, b/c when I'm wrong he'll go "haha! See! I was right"...normally though it should be both of us correcting each other. Basically, I don't want to be anal, conservative-liability, admin-type guy.

Examples of arguments:

-Refer to the "How to not be flow and not be clumsy" thread (he'll turn gurney at his discretion, not checking if it's clear at my end, so I'm always jumping to prevent someone getting hit or bumping the wall)

-About it being unsafe to activate your L&S when an ambulance is passing you code 3

-Where to park when getting on scene

-Not parking with full code 3 lights going to preven accidents

-Not annoying dispatch by asking to upgrade to code 3 or change channels when we do a move-up all the time (I've trained in PD dispatch and seen dispatchers go off on units who ask for mundane extra things "If I wanted them to go code 3, wouldn't I have told them1? @#$")

-When we're first on, he's worrying about lowering the gurney and unstrapping the belts and prepping sheet before getting to patient, telling me to go ahead with pt...but if I'm first on, I need him to do VS while I get a Hx...or scene could be unsafe or help moving pt to start my assessment. FD responds to each call, so we'll have 8+ FF in minutes to take over while we get gurney ready then.

-Arguments, because as soon as he hit the 3mo mark, the scheduler (whom we get along with well) asked him to put in for FTO, because he's shown "drive and enthusiasm"...which is true...he (and I) will cover shifts whenever needed, always energetic, friendly. BUT they have no idea how he on scenes. We've only twice had a supervisor observe us on scene, both times I was attending. Yes, I admit, there's some jealousy...but it weirds me out he'll be teaching others when I keep teaching him a LOT of basic stuff (which I get from here or from my FTOs...basic as in whether heroin constricts or dilates pupils and other medical or basic policy stuff)

-He only has 3 weeks seniority...I can't correct him on stuff all the time and I shouldn't. BUT our company's VERY strong the idea that partner screw up together. If one messes up, the other one almost always gets in trouble for not having checked him. If he takes a certain route that I disagree with and we're late to a 911 call, we both get in trouble.

Thing is I'm new too, so I need his help too. He's older...so he can give me help on common sense issues. But it's just a weird dynamic now and often leads to long periods of silence after problems on a call. And it's hard to differentiate when I'm telling him something I know from experience and when I'm doing my best guess just b/c I'm a new EMT like him.

Seriously, it's like a love hate relationship...it stresses me and relaxes me. Ah!

[tniuqs]

Question before comment:

Are you both new grads...?

You stated 3 weeks difference in seniority?

What kind of service matches 2 new grads together on 911 calls in the first place WTF?

Oh yea your both right with the Heroin.

OD is constricted pupils.

Dead from OD.... is dilated.

cheers.

[Michael]

This doesn't happen with my other partners when I pick up OT or he trades a shift. When I'm with someone else, it feels like a strong confident purposeful crew like I think we're supposed to feel.

So how well does he work with other partners?

[emsbrian]

Alright so you got a lot of problems to deal with there. The company I used to work for had a rotating partners policy. Of course I've had static partners to. Both offer difficulty, but I always feel patient first. The number one issue to deal with is quality of care. If anything your partner does effects quality of care the you have a real problem. I agree, who puts two newbies together? This first problem was created by your employer. As far as dealing with problems bite the bullet and talk to your partner. Sit down lay out the problems. While your friends with him your also partners. Depending on the outcome of this, you may have to go to your supervisor. Old school thinking is that in EMS/FD you shouldn't nark. This is a more professional job then that. If there is a true problem its your responsibility to bring it up with your superior. An FTO will have an immense amount of influence on new medics and should be professional, intelligent, hard working, and good at the job. When I went supervisor I appointed a guy I hated to work with as FTO. He was anal, weird and nit picked ever detail. But he was a good medic. While I as a super, was anal about alot, he was anal about everthing. So those who trained with him learned only good things. One of my good friends wanted to be FTO and had seniority over the other, but he had a bad habits (simular to your case.) As a supervisor new employees has a sort of fear for me, so it was hard for me to get a hold on where people were. Rearly would partners come to me with there problems (the previous supervisor felt they should work it out.) Many times these problems could be worked out. Personally I would think that y'all simply need to change partners. While we rotated partners, there were pairings we avoided. Just ask, I know EMS is still back asswards, but if your lucky youll get a profesional listining to your problems. Hoped this helped.

[AnthonyM83]

Question before comment:

Are you both new grads...?

You stated 3 weeks difference in seniority?

What kind of service matches 2 new grads together on 911 calls in the first place WTF?

We're both new EMTs....I got certified a year ago, but needed to finish up the school year my old job. I think he's more recently certified. This is our first EMT job for both. I just hit the 3 months on the job mark a couple days ago.

And yeah, along with the short training period, I think it's a real flaw in the company. This leads to more mistakes and figuring stuff out in the field on the fly. They also originally placed us in THE hardest area to navigate, spaghetti hill they call it. We had a 16 min response time once, b/c on the map there were two main roads that lead directly to the call. One was a straight high speed road, another a wiiiindy slow one and you can't back turn around once you're on it. No way to know from the map.

[chaser]

So how well does he work with other partners?

I think this is an excellent question. Might prove to offer a lot of insight.

I did not go back and review those previous threads (so I apologize if I am repeating what someone might have said), but have you sat down and talked openly with your partner regarding your issues? Check out some sites on conflict resolution for some ideas (http://www.crnhq.org/twelveskills.html). Be prepared, outline out exactly what you would like to achieve.

If you have to, have a third party there to act as a mediator to keep things civil, focused, and on task.

Just food for thought as this obviously is causing you distress.

Good luck.

[AnthonyM83]

I don't think I want to bring a supervisor into it. For one, who knows how much he'll car and want to work things out with us rather than just splitting us up. But mainly, it would just be incredibly awkward and I don't think either one of us would feel comfortable working together ever again. I mean working 12 hour shifts with him and getting along great (when not on a call) for the past three months, he's now a friend...in writing it seems simple and logical, but in reality it'd just be really weird. PLUS, if others got wind of it, they probably wouldn't want to take on a new partner who got his previous one in trouble.

The solution might just be putting in for a new shift (it'll take awhile to get it). I feel like it's like a relationship where two people are totally incompatible, but they try to make it work, constantly trying to make it work, because they like each other, but neither person really changes. What I need is a 3rd person watching us all the time and writing down exactly how we end up in arguments.

BTW, I don't know how does with other partners. It's hard to have time to talk to people he's worked with b/c we usually do OT at different stations.

[emsbrian]

I hate to be harsh but I have a rule, if your gonna complain do something about it. I started as a basic newbie at this company made friends but worked my way to the top. While people would get pissed when I called them out they respected the fact that I worked hard and cared. I personally understand the want to keep it from the supervisor, so then your left with confronting him. While you may piss him off for a while its better in the long run. If you can't resolve partner problems your gonna have a lot more problems soon. Take advantage of when your in-charge. If its your patient your the boss. Everything that happens is your responsibility. I now own a company (training and consulting) with a man who has been in EMS for 35 years. We can but head big times, were great friends. But when we make calls if I'm in-charge he respects the fact that it all comes back to me. This is life saving, not about making friends. While we spend up to 72 hours living with these people, we spend 30 minutes working with them to save a life.

I stress again ITS ABOUT PATIENT CARE AND YOUR SAFETY.

Again I say EMS is not as professional as it should be (a post for another thread) So your right if you go up about this, other will worry. In truth though there is NOTHING wrong with it, it is the right thing to do if patient care is compromised. I had a partner who had bad stretcher habits, easy to confront him about, even though it took many times talking to him, which got him mad at me for months. But if care and safety is compromised and it cant be resolved, DONT run from it. You need to fix it not just leave him to cause harm. You say you worked with PD then being bossy shouldn't be a problem. Ive been pissed off by many people and ive pissed off many people, but it comes down to care.

[AnthonyM83]

I've tried. Like for the gurney I said early on:

Me: "So, I think we're having some problems coordinating the gurney. I think we should come up with a system...like certain phrases so we know exactly what we mean."

Him: "Uh, I think we have enough trouble communicating as it is. A system's just gonna confuse us more."

Me: "Well, I need a way to tell you when we're about to hit something and you need to stop pushing to stop it right away. We're alway almost hitting stuff and if I yell, 'stop now', it's going to seem weird to everyone around us and ER staff like I'm yelling at you like some asshole. Maybe "hold up" could mean stop right now!...simple stuff like that, not like Code 321-alpha"

Him: "We're not always almost hitting stuff." (and here it derails...but I go with it to try to get to bigger issue)

Me: "Yes, we are, we're always like an inch from bumping either nurses or the wall. I wouldn't care about the wall except we get a lot of people in pain and it hurts them to bump."

Him (louder faster tone): "Look man, we're an ambulance company. We're not in the comfort business (cliche). There's going to be bumps."

Me (louder too): "But we don't have to have these kinds of bumps and the we don't want to be crashing around the ER. That's why EMTs are seen as clumsy."

Him: "Look, just worry about your job and not about them. We can't make everyone happy"

Me: "I'm not TRYING to make everyone happy. It's just simple stuff."

Him: "Look man, if you want your little system, fine! let's just have codes! Let's be the military."

Me: "Nevermind...we'll try to listen to each other when pushing the gurney"

We both feel like screaming at this point...actually half the time we actually do end our conversations by (in half joking way) just yelling at the top of our lungs to relieve stress (not yelling AT each other, just in the air)...then we go back to social friends. Argh.

(Notice how we never even addressed the gurney problem. Though less often, I'm still always rushing to stop the gurney b/c someone walks in front of us and he's looking around and still pushing, so I have to basically stand in front of it and half get rammed to stop it with my body weight...or just yell stop loudly...which would get stares from nurses and docs.....OR he's rotating the gurney and just looking at his end without making sure my end is clear...I mean maybe I should just always be jumping to hold my end when I see him start to move it...but when I'm pushing it, I always look to make sure there's room at the other end.)

It's like he feels there's no real problem. Oh, I've also been chewed out by FD for almost dropping a patient (this was much earlier on) b/c he turned it to fast from the rear. SOME stuff we've been able to work out, but it's so case by case instead of solving the overall problem...like getting him to not just let go of patients when pushing them into an elevator...leaving me to try to stop the momentum to prevent gurney from hitting elevator wall. But it's hard to go through every single situation with him...and i sound anal again.

PS

I think also a difference with us is the FTO I had was very precise and way into patient car. He had me pulling up on the gurney (not lifting, just so there's less weight) at EVERY little bump on the sidwalk saying each bump is felt stronger by the patient. My partner was probably taught by someone like my 3rd FTO who just swings it around roughly (though still in control)...but in his area they get waaay fewer geriatrics or delicate patients and high call volume. So, that's an example of how I can't bug him to do things the way MY FTO taught me b/c for him it's going too far on being careful and delicate...at least i can't without seeming like a jerk.

[AnthonyM83]

Additionally, my fear about getting a new partner is being stuck with a real jerk. There's a lot of guys who aren't in it for patient care at all, just want to get into FD (though many are in it for both). They're super alpha male serious who sit back and talk about FD. Hard to have what I call 'real' conversation and have some bond with the person I see 12 or 24 hours a day.

My partner is actually a good guy and has genuine concern for each and every patient we see. Not once has he gotten so annoyed with them (or their smell), that he just detaches and does the call to go through the motions like other people I've worked with when we get drama or repeat patients. Only worked with a few people like that (them usually being premed or preparamedic track).