If you are religious, you'll understand these.

[windsong]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”

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Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians".

Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said,

"Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

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Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

“Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

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Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.”

"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing? "

”Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes,

but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror!”

[akflightmedic]

Hmmm, despite what your title implies, I found I was able to both understand and laugh at the jokes.

[Asysin2leads]

You know, its funny, Catholic Heaven is much like every single one of my family get togethers in the last 20 years. Except for the dancing part, and Jesus doesn't show up much anymore.

[itku2er]

:-k :-k :-k

[vs-eh?]

Lol...Mormon's...

PS - This is pretty funny if you haven't seen it and I invite you to "google" this religion. The hilarity will ensue...

[Connie31079]

LMAO! I love South Park!!!

[iMac]

Disrespectful

[vs-eh?]

Disrespectful

Scenario -

123 Main Street.

Bravo (This is a call priority) - Psychiatric

You are called to a downtown street corner for a MALE mid 40's wearing a "funny hat" and "5 OTHER PEOPLE" who appear to be "preaching" on a major downtown street corner. They are saying things like (referring to the man in the funny hat - call him F-MAN) "F-MAN is the one true god, observe his hat!" "Tell me who could make a hat such as this?" "I have seen him do many many things to help people, these people forget, and he has told me not to tell you specifics, but I tell you I have seen miracles and happiness come from this man!"

F-MAN says "Thanks, my followers"

They are not harassing people, being fairly benign (say as benign as Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking repeatedly on your neighbors door), but they are "acting strange" and "they appear that they have mental problems"...

So what do you do? Do you respect these people?

Do you respect a person that is asking his mother to preach to God with him in their apartment? The mother feels scared (for no other reason than she is "scared" because he is acting "strange"). He is not being violent or anything, just chanting, asking for God, etc...

Do you respect these people?

Do these people go to the hospital with you and/or the police?

These people are "psych" no?

EDIT - DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM!

[Chief1C]

South Park puts everything into prospective...

[Eydawn]

It depends on the body language and actual behavior of whoever the entranced "fanatic" may be, no matter what religion they ascribe to. If they're acting really nutcase and not tracking correctly, off they go to the psych eval! If they can respond appropriately albeit seeming really ridiculous or strange to you, then they don't get to go off to the psych eval. All a matter of degree and nature of disruptiveness.

If you start sticking up the 7-11 or physically threatening someone all in the name of God (or Allah, or Joseph Smith, or I could go on forever) then you're a psych case. If you're preaching on the street corner and not threatening anyone, just being your normal weird self, then you're fine. Until you take off all your clothes. Then you're a psych case.

Be whoever you want to be.. just don't act too far outside of what's considered "appropriate" in public and don't threaten anyone else.

Yes? No? Maybe? Do you see my point?

Wendy

CO EMT-B

MI EMT-B