Need help please....personal matter.....

[WannaBEMT]

Hey you guys,

I do not know if anyone noticed I have been gone for a week, so the people that sent me PM's I promise I will get back to you this week. I just got hired on at the largest level one trauma in our state, I was 2 days into my orientation and the EMS manager comes and gets me out of orientation to tell me that my sister was calling for me. My dad was rushed to the Gainesville Florida VA. He had a massive brain bleed, with stroke like S/S. The doctor could not figure out how he would have a stroke since he was on Plavix and ASA and some blood pressure med with some thinning properties to it. Anyways, long story short, they did an MRI, and found 7 masses in his brain the biggest at 3x3CM, one of the masses started bleeding causing stroke like S/S. They did a MRI and CT of his upper body and he has cancer that has metastisized (sp?) to his lung,spleen, brain and kidney. He has a poor prognosis less than 2 months! He does not want chemo, he was in ICU, but he wanted to go home, he is having no pain, and only a slight drag of his right foot, decreased PMS on the right side, but he was ready to go home. We convinced him to stay to get a biospy so we can find out where the cancer originated and to be observed overnight after that. Now we have him home here in GA where I live and my sister, and his sister live.

My mother just died of MS and Colon CA, so it is just me, my sister and my aunt is helping us out (his sister). I am the oldest my sister is 8 years younger than me so I am supposed to know what I am doing and I don't I feel like a child right now. I have never made funeral plans before, got hospice started, etc...Between me being a basket case with my emotions, being a daughter, sister, wife, mother and new EMS employee for the 1st time doubled with NO sleep the last week, I am a walking zombie.

Now if you have made it this far, I am sorry I got off on a tangent, can someone tell me the best place to go to get research done on what cancer of the KIDNEYS will do over time to my father? I am worried about his kidneys shutting down, and what to watch for, I am an EMT, BUT I do not know this info or the best place to find it. THAT is what I need help with. He has it in his brain, right lung whole upper lobe I think, spleen, and kidneys....So if anyone can direct me to a good informative site I would appreciate it, or if anyone can give me advice on where to turn for these issues.......

Thanks and sorry so long, and please if you believe pray for my father.

I appreciate this more than you know....

Jenn

[buckeyedoc]

You father, especially, and your family are in our prayers.

Here's what google has to say.

Cancer of the kidneys from Google

[scratrat]

I am sorry for your unfortunate situation. I really am.

I am not trying to be cruel, but if they know it has already metastasized (sp?), um, the prognosis is generally poor. Once that happens, it is usually too late for intervention. At this point, it is usually comfort measures and life what you can. Unfortunately, it sounds as if it spread too quickly, and it may be mute to continue running tests and subjecting him to torture. Just my thought, if he refused chemo, I think he is already at grips with the situation.

I think the best thing you can do, is comfort him, and just be there for him as mush as possible.

[M52EMT]

Jenn

Let me start by saying that I am very sorry that you are going through this. Even though I am far away (Indiana) and have never met you, please know that I will be thinking of you and your family. I have not personally had to deal with this particular illness either, but did a little research and found some things that hopefully help you. You can try www.kidneycancer.org (Kidney Cancer Association), or www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/kidney (National Cancer Institute). I found a support group type forum that may provide better information from people that have been through this at www.z2systems.com/kca/ which is also part of the Kidney Cancer Association. I hope this helps a little.

Shawn

[njmedic1485]

Jenn,

First off, I am truly sorry about the situation you're facing. The picture you paint is indeed grim, I don't think Renal Failure should be real high on your list of concerns. If your father is refusing treatment, as is his right, you need to accept that decision. You don't have to like it or agree with it, but you have to abide by it. You should begin by having a frank discussion with your father, Aunt and Sister about what is going to happen and how. This is where Hospice is a godsend, their whole gig is supporting the patient and the family through a very difficult period of time. Having lost my father at a young age and taken care of both in laws thru chronic illness I can tell you it's easy to get overwhelmed, but try and do as much as you can now (e.g. establishing a DPA or health care proxy, filing a DNR and having copies available to all comers, having an attorney review your fathers will making funeral plans.) when you father dies it will make it easier having a preplan in place.

I want to say this again and will capitalize for emphasis SET UP HOSPICE CARE TODAY DO NOT WAIT I apologize for cyber shouting, but it really does make a difference. Finally, realize that as hard as this is for you it's equally as hard on the rest of your family, so when nerves get twanged and the tempers start to flare remember you're all in this together .

good luck,

bob

[chaser]

...He has a poor prognosis less than 2 months! He does not want chemo, he was in ICU, but he wanted to go home... can someone tell me the best place to go to get research done on what cancer of the KIDNEYS will do over time to my father? ...

Jenn,

I am sorry to hear about your situation with your father. Here's a site with good info- http://www.cancer.gov/, however, I think your focus is misdirected. Concentrate on the time you have with him right now. Remember to listen. Seek out help from hospice and social workers.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Andrewtx]

I said a prayer for you and your family..best wishes for you in this very difficult time.

[Scaramedic]

Jenn, your family is in my prayers.

I lost my father to prostate cancer that metastasized to his kidneys in 2005 so I can understand what you are going through. If you would like to talk about my experiences please feel free to E-Mail me, I would rather not post personal experiences on an open forum.

I agree that you contact Hospice, they will help you and your family through this. I have never met such compassionate and wonderful people as there are in hospice.

Peace,

Marty

[WannaBEMT]

You guys thank you so much for all the links, that is what I needed, I do not think my brain is functioning right from lack of sleep and actually FINDING an informative link is one thing. I know how to search on the internet but you guys providing direct links for me is so very very helpful and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart, I will go look at them all now.

On to some things that were mentioned. I know as I work as a insurance case manager for a large oncology practice for awhile that his prognosis is very poor and it is a matter of a few weeks, the doctor told me that. I want to do what my dad wants to do and if he doesn't want chemo, testing, doctors visits, etc then that is OK by me. If he can accept it and this is what he wants, no matter if I disagree which I do not with the chemo part, it really doesn't matter because I know I might have selfish reasons for wanting him to be here a little longer and not wanting to be with no parents any time soon, those are MY selfish thoughts I have to come to terms with. I will do and agree and go along with, with a smile on my face to make him feel OK and not feel sad for me, then when his time comes I can fall apart after.

We did the DNR and Power of Attorney in the hospital, it was very important to him to get it done RIGHT AWAY, so the coordinator they had for that came up to our room, helped us fill out the paperwork, got the witnesses in the room, notarized it and that is done, my sister and I have duel power of attorney and we have our copies, and my sister and I are VERY close and feel the same way at this point, so that aspect is made a little easier.

I just wanted to know about the kidney part, because I was wanting to know how I as a caregiver will tell when renal failure is starting, I want to know for myself, what I can do to make sure he is not in pain, or how to make it easier for him. I guess Hospice helps you with that all, I do not know, never had to use them or their services, my mothers death was quick.

I am calling Hospice tomorrow to get them started and over to the house. My dad is with my aunt, his sister right now about 45 minutes away, mine and my sisters job right now is to make his house here in GA a home again as it has been empty after my moms death and he was trying to sell it, but that is where he wants to be, so we are trying to get it all furnished and "homey" before he is here on Tuesday. Hard thing to accomplish when a house is empty, but we will get it.

Thanks for everything guys, the prayers, and the well wishes, it means alot to me.

Jenn

[chaser]

Jenn,

Never underestimate the importance of closure. We are not always given the chance to say goodbye.

I know searching for answers and treatments helps keep your mind occupied. Recognize you are not being selfish, you are being human. Don't feel a need a to put on a front, just be honest. Delegate what you can so you can focus on him. I empathize with you; this time last year one of my very best friends died of esophageal cancer. He was dx'ed at stage iv, and given 6 months. He lived for 13 months. But I was able to kiss him goodbye, and tell him what he meant to me.