when work carries over into more?

[Ridryder 911]

I still say the old philosophy of determining if it is wrong or not is if your mate was with you, your discussion and touching would not offend them, then it would probably be allowable. Becoming "too close" is a serious side effect of EMS and never has any advantages. In my past nearly 30 years, I have seen so many "deep or close friendships" end up in affairs. Save the talk, etc. for your mate and counselor.

Chances are if you would talk to your mate as well as you do your partner, things would not be as bad.

Remember, your partner is your co-worker, and then friend. Unfortunately, we have allowed EMS and the working situation to be a an excuse and blame for problems. In reality, it probably has very little to do with the real problems, the problems were already there hiding. Be the responsible one. I have yet seen any successful "close relationships" at work, within time someone is going to get hurt and everyone will have to pay for it.

R/r 911

[MidWestMedicWife]

It's not the hours you spend working with her. You've had other female partners that I did not mind. It's the other things that we have discussed. I am not unreasonable and I had no problem in the beginning with you working with her. It's what has happened since that makes it difficult; beyond the rumor (which I do not believe) that circulated through your work.

What is jealousy anyway? Google can give some amazing answers at time:

Jealousy

• *Jealousy is an emotion experienced by one who perceives that another person is giving something that s/he wants (typically attention, love, or affection) to a third party. For example, a child will likely become jealous when her parent gives sweets to a sibling but not to her. While the child's jealousy might be assuaged if she also received candy from the parent, such is typically not the case for a jealous lover, who wants the beloved to give some kinds of attention exclusively to him.

*On an interpersonal level it is a felt threat from an outsider to an important relationship in which one is involved and produces feelings of anger and fear.

I understand co-ed trucks. More and more women are entering the EMS world. And I say Kudos to them! In reading some of the posts here, it's obvious that the stress and/or adrenaline related to these jobs do make people more vulnerable to becoming intimate (do not confuse with sexual) with their partner. The attachment that one has to their co-worker can be harmful to both their home life and their job. Perception is a picture that someone paints. A picture is worth a thousand words.

[itku2er]

. The attachment that one has to their co-worker can be harmful to both their home life and their job. Perception is a picture that someone paints. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Preception like beauty is in the eye of the beholder....but sometimes the eyes can decieve us and make us think that something is beautiful when in reality it the ugliest thing in the world....same with preception...we see it the way we want to

not the way it is in reality....some times we choose to see things the way we want to ...COMMUNICATION and TRUST are what is needed here.....just my thoughts here

[MidWestMedicWife]

Preception like beauty is in the eye of the beholder....but sometimes the eyes can decieve us and make us think that something is beautiful when in reality it the ugliest thing in the world....same with preception...we see it the way we want to

not the way it is in reality....some times we choose to see things the way we want to ...COMMUNICATION and TRUST are what is needed here.....just my thoughts here

Very true indeed. And communication and trust are what help you get through the rough times.

[Dustdevil]

Start hiding your assets today, bro. :?

[pmedic623]

Over 11 years ago when I started I was talking to an old shift supervisor who imparted these words of wisdom to me. "If two people want to screw it don't matter how many walls and partitions you put up or how many rules you lay down their going to get it done". It all comes down to what people want to do. I've heard the excuses that people become emotionally attached (and they do) and I've worked with my share of attractive EMT's and medics and have remained faithful for 9 years to my wife. It all comes down to what you want to do...............

[emswife]

I agree with what Rid and Medicwife wrote about saving the most intimate things for your spouse. I have always felt that friendships between opposite sex couples are fine as long as those relationships do not take away from the marriages that the "friends" have with their spouses. One way that can happen is when the friends start sharing so much, that the spouses in the "friendship" no longer feels the need to confide in their spouses. I mean, why have to repeat it, right? You already shared whatever was troubling you...but the problem is, you didn't share it with who you should have, the person you promised to share your life with. Then after awhile, that spouse just doesn't seem to understand you the same way your friend does, I wonder why?

Intamacy is based on trust and comunication. If you want to be intimate with your spouse, I suggest that you treat them like your best friend. It may not always be easy, they might not like what they hear at times, but working through those things are what make relationships stronger. I have seen way too many marriages fail, and I see plenty of marriages in a sad state, because the spouses start to treat each other like the enemy, like someone they have to hide things from.

Take Rid's advice, if you're married, keep the working relationships professional. If you need to have deep meaningful relationships with someone other that your spouse, then have those relationships with your same sex co-workers. Having an affair is a choice. Choose not to go down that slippery slope. And emotional affairs can be just as damaging, if not more, than physical affairs. I am very lucky to have a husband that loves me and treats me like a friend, but I am very sad to see this scenario played out over and over again with people we know.

[itku2er]

"If two people want to screw it don't matter how many walls and partitions you put up or how many rules you lay down their going to get it done". It all comes down to what people want to do. I've heard the excuses that people become emotionally attached (and they do) and I've worked with my share of attractive EMT's and medics and have remained faithful for 9 years to my wife. It all comes down to what you want to do...............

This is very true if people want to have an affair it will happen no matter what....and it takes two to tango...affairs only happen when 2 people agree to it...there is no excuse for anyone to cheat on their spouse...if you want to play this cheating game get a divorce and become single and then SCREW AROUND.....623 I agree with you 100% it does all come down to what YOU want to do....In all my years in ems....i have seen it happen to some from very good freinds of mine some male and some female so it goes both ways....affairs are a PERSONAL choice and this excuse it just happened isnt worth crap....HURRICAINES happened, MVC'S happen, CODES happen, but AFFAIRS are a choice......but what you need to do MidWestMedicWife is to decide what you believe....I have been on the end that got cheated....although I never cheated myself.....it is a pain that dont heal easy...but there is some advice I have found that held true in my case.....If it waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck and LOOKS LIKE A DUCK.....then it is probally a duck...but that too is in the preception of the person seeing the duck...

[chbare]

I tend to agree with Ridryder911 and some of the others posts. (itku2er and pmedic623) Some people are quick to blame their stressful work conditions for their poor decisions. Infidelity is not like tripping over your feet while walking, it is not an accident, nor is it something that just occurred in a moment of weakness. It is an intentional and deliberate action in which two willing parties participate.

Take care,

chbare.