The Laws of EMS work

[tskstorm]

The First Law of EMS:

All emergency calls will wait until you begin to

eat, regardless of the time.

The EMS Law of Gravity:

Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least

accessible place possible.

The EMS Law of Time and Distance:

The distance of the call from the hospital increases as the time to

shift change decreases.

Corollary 1 - The shortest distance between the

station and the scene is under construction.

The EMS Rule of Random Simultaneity:

Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.

The Axiom of Late-Night Runs:

If you respond to any motor vehicle accident call after midnight and do

not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking - somebody is still missing.

The EMS Law of Options:

Any patient, when given the option of either going to jail or going to

the hospital by a police officer, will always be inside the ambulance

before you are.

EMS Rules of the Bathroom:

A. If a call is received between 0500 and 0700, the location of the

call will always be in the bathroom.

B. If you have just gone to the bathroom, no call will be received.

C. If you have not just gone to the bathroom, you will soon regret it,

because the probability of receiving a run increases proportionally to

the time elapsed since last going to the bathroom.

The First Principle of Triage:

In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is

inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming

produced by that patient.

The Gross Injury Rule:

Any injury, the sight of which makes you sick, should immediately be

covered by 4x4s and Kerlix.

The EMS Law of Light:

As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of

light to examine that injury decreases.

The EMS Law of Space:

The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies

inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.

The EMS Theory of Relativity:

The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any

given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the

patient's illness or injury.

The EMS Theory of Weight:

The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases by

the square of the sum of the number of floors which must be ascended to

reach the patient plus the number of floors which must be descended

while carrying the patient.

Corollary 1 - Very heavy patients tend to gravitate toward locations

which are furthest from sea level.

Corollary 2 - If the patient is heavy, the elevator is broken, and the

lights in the stairwell are out.

The EMS Rules of No-Transport:

A Life-or-Death situation will immediately be created by driving away

from the home of patient whom you have just advised to go to the

hospital in a private vehicle.

The First EMS Rule of Bystanders:

Any bystander who offers you help will give you none.

The Second EMS Rule of Bystanders:

Always assume that any Physician found at the scene of an emergency is

a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise.

The EMS Rule of Warning Devices:

Any ambulance, whether it is responding to a call or traveling to a

hospital, with lights and siren, will be totally ignored by all

motorists, pedestrians, and dogs which may be found in or near the

roads along its route.

The EMS Rule of Rules:

As soon as an EMS Rule is accepted as absolute, an

exception to that Rule will immediately occur.

[AnthonyM83]

At our station, as soon as your head hits the pillow, the red phone will ring within 3 minutes (if not 30 seconds) guaranteed. We can stay awake in station for two hours with no calls, but the second we decide to lie down, phone rings.

Like seriously someone should do a study on this. I'll warn people we're going to get a call b/c I'm about to lay down, and ring ring there's the call.

[spenac]

EMS LAWS OF COMFORT

1. Remove duty shirt call within 15 minutes.

2. Boots also off call within 10 minutes.

3. Totally naked immediate call.

I honestly think some people watch for lights out then wait 5 minutes then call.

[Dooger]

I'm still trying to figure out how ya'll find the time to take off boots/shirt etc or use a pillow for anything except lowering the volume of a screaming drunk. Naps in our service tend to come while you're waiting at a red light or trying to catch up on paperwork (although that usually ends up making the paperwork a bit wrinkly :roll: )!

[AnthonyM83]

We usually get in 2 - 3 hour's sleep between 4AM and end of shift at 7AM. That's on 24 hour shifts. Often we get no sleep, though.