To: All EMS Personnel From: Chief of Operations

[EMS_GIRL]

To: All EMS Personnel From: Chief of Operations

Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to shit), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.

[pyroknight]

I REALLY hope that this is merely a humorous post that you created and not something that you copied from an actual official communique. These phrases have some gallows humor when bandied back and forth between crew members after a call, but obviously have no place in official documentation. If you stay in this business long enough, you will eventually wind up in court whether it is because of something you did or didn't do or because of someone else's mistake. Irrespective of the reason, I doubt anyone would want to explain their juvenile documentation practices in front of a jury. Every report should be written as if you KNEW you were going to court regarding the call, whether it is a patient refusal, an interfacility transfer, or a homicide.

If some idiot of a manager actually DID send this out to the troops, start looking for a new job NOW! Anyone who would rather send out an email or a memo instead of doing the work to find out whose documentation is a joke is not the kind of boss you want to be working for. If he or she will take those kinds of shortcuts, they are not going to invest much effort in maintaining morale or doing any other tasks that don't come easy.

[Michael]

merely a humorous post

I'll go out on a limb here and call it a big

[bassnmedic]

ummmm, let me see.....since this was found under the "funny stuff" category so I'm going with a ...............JOKE. If anyone were to think of this as anything other than a joke maybe they should reevaluate their sense of humor.

Good stuff EMS Girl

[Chief1C]

I REALLY hope that this is merely a humorous post that you created and not something that you copied from an actual official communique.

:roll: Oh my god. I had hoped you were being sarcastic, but I'm afraid you are not. That little "note" has been around for quite a few years, probably posted on here a few times before. Has the well of humor dried up on EMT City? It's not funny when it has to be explained.

[Richard B the EMT]

Out of the presence of the family, thank goodness, I heard a paramedic refer to a patient in asystole flatline as "no sails on the horizon."

[paramedicmike]

How many times has this appeared on this site now? I lost count.

It might've been funny at one time. Maybe. When you're brand new and don't know any better.

-be safe

[BushyFromOz]

How many times has this appeared on this site now? I lost count.

It might've been funny at one time. Maybe. When you're brand new and don't know any better.

Like that "When God Made Paramedics" or "Firefighters Prayor" rubbish that shows up in your email every few weeks :x

[BushyFromOz]

How many times has this appeared on this site now? I lost count.

It might've been funny at one time. Maybe. When you're brand new and don't know any better.

Like that "When God Made Paramedics" or "Firefighters Prayor" rubbish that shows up in your email every few weeks :x

[Chief1C]

Firefighters Prayor?