The Man Rules

[aussiephil]

We always hear ' the rules ' From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[itku2er]

Phil those RULES have all changed now you forgot the most imporant one anyway

THE WOMAN IS ALWAYS RIGHT

[mrmeaner]

...as in RIGHT OUT OF HER MIND?

[itku2er]

:pain10: :mumum:

Meanie that was MEAN

[WendyT]

We have no idea what mauve is, you've got that part right, because you'll see the odd man wearing it-color blind. :salute:

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. (Because so are men, beer belly, & bald and LAZY when they are asked to take the garbage out and mow the lawn.)

You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself, (That's how it is always done never can get the lazy fat butt (man) off the couch)

If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. (seems you are insensitive towards women).

I am in shape. Round IS a shape! (So is BALD!!) :wink:

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. (Yes all alone with no-one to cuddle with, sad, sad). :crybaby:

[Happiness]

aussie you are just so delusional and your meds must be upped soon or you will end up with a window bed in the assylm. I really liked your rules they made me laugh and I think I will print them off for my nefews wedding so all the men there can atleast dream. After I read your #1 rules it explained to me why you are always complaining about lack of. If you were nice to us always PANTYLAND would open up for you. Well Dr. Phil I hope your rules do you well and I will be the first one in line for your future relationship talk show. :shock:

[Happiness]

Phil Its me again. Just know that I truely adore you but here are some things you should know.

In response the the UCO group...."things guys wish girls knew" which is overly obnoxious and a prime example of why most girls are manhaters.THINGS GIRLS WISH GUYS KNEW

1. Don't ever lie to us, we will find out.

2. Girls are petty. Get over it.

3. You don't have PMS so don't act like you know what it's like

4. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.

5. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.

6. Be spontaneous. Dinner and a movie gets old.

7. We are drama queens. Never forget that.

8. We absolutely do not care about trucks, paintball, hunting, or anything else you and your friends talk about.

9. Shave! No matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. We like clean-cut men.

10. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

11. Size does matter

12. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a hoe.

13. No matter what you say, your friends are idiots.

14. If we slap you, you deserved it.

15. We don't want to pay. Be a man, throw down the cash.

16. There are no signs on us that say "Stare at my boobs/butt" or "Grope me, I want it."

17. Don't ask for a Guys Night then bitch about Girls Night.

18. Our friends know EVERYTHING. If we say we didn't tell about your little "problem"...we're lying.

19. We compare you to our ex-boyfriends...and always tell you that you're the "best" .

20. Don't expect us to look like Pamela Anderson if you don't look like Brad Pitt.

21. We will think you are gay if you wear tightie whities on a regular basis.

22. If you want head, give it.

23. Playing the guitar will help you get laid.

24. Our Daddy can, and will, kick your ass.

25. We fake it. Yes with you. End of story.

And by popular demand...

#26. Please don't ask: "Does that feel good?" If it feels good you will know. Believe us. ;)AND a new one!

#27. Guys, don't EVER say: "Cramps can't hurt THAT bad."

[vivibonita]

Last rule...

Men don't know how to count... so don't count on them (j/k) , but seriously look at Phil's rules, they are all number 1, wth? ... :roll:

*feeling a smart @$$ comment coming this way*

[steph1030]

too funny viv but very true

[aussiephil]

I will not comment on the grounds of selfincrimination