The Man Rules

[mrmeaner]

First things first: Viv,

1. Don't ever lie to us, we will find out. No you didn't.

2. Girls are petty. Get over it. Which is why we have beer.

3. You don't have PMS so don't act like you know what it's like. Does that mean you'll stop telling us?

4. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't. Credit 1 point. Usually true.

5. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys. Like wise regarding your purses.

6. Be spontaneous. Dinner and a movie gets old. So does meatloaf.

7. We are drama queens. Never forget that. Again, beer.

8. We absolutely do not care about trucks, paintball, hunting, or anything else you and your friends talk about. If you let us leave the house and enjoy those things we promise we won't tell you about them.

9. Shave! No matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. We like clean-cut men. You shave, we shave. Agree?

10. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. But more than we enjoy "cuddling"

11. Size does matter. Applies both ways.

12. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a hoe. Likewise, your ex-spinach eating, tree-hugging, emotional, poetry expert boyfriend was just trying to get in your pants too.

13. No matter what you say, your friends are idiots. This list is too short to discuss your friends.

14. If we slap you, you deserved it. If we slap you, we get handcuffed. And not in good way.

15. We don't want to pay. Be a man, throw down the cash. There is a long discussion regarding "hooking" attached to this.

16. There are no signs on us that say "Stare at my boobs/butt" or "Grope me, I want it." There probably wasn't enough room for a sign considering the small amount of clothing. And if we shouldn't look at your butt, don't get pants that have messages on the butt.

17. Don't ask for a Guys Night then bitch about Girls Night. OK, if you pay for it.

18. Our friends know EVERYTHING. If we say we didn't tell about your little "problem"...we're lying. And we didn't tell our boys about the time you farted in bed.

19. We compare you to our ex-boyfriends...and always tell you that you're the "best". And we'll keep telling you that you look good in those jeans.

20. Don't expect us to look like Pamela Anderson if you don't look like Brad Pitt. And vice versa.

21. We will think you are gay if you wear tightie whities on a regular basis. Again, 1 point given.

22. If you want head, give it. I'll skip this one for better judgement.

23. Playing the guitar will help you get laid. According to your ex, yes, we know.

24. Our Daddy can, and will, kick your ass. I'm sure that new hip is working well, but don't over do it.

25. We fake it. Yes with you. End of story. If you yell out your street, don't be upset when the bus stops.

And by popular demand...

#26. Please don't ask: "Does that feel good?" If it feels good you will know. Believe us. ;)AND a new one! Just checking verbal stimulus. Sex is like bridge, if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

#27. Guys, don't EVER say: "Cramps can't hurt THAT bad." That is a retort for making us go shopping with you.

The retort herein is of my own thinking. This is not inteded to be a statement for all men, event the ones laughing as they read this. This was not done to impress my friends, and was not their idea. I can dig myself into holes by myself just fine. If you don't believe me, check my posts. For the women who were able to laugh at this, thank you.

[Happiness]

Okay I have to admit yes I did laugh out loud and I appreciate a man with a sense of humor. You did a good job at defending your sex and you should be proud of yourself and all the other men in this world should hail to you as thier king. GOOD JOB I now crown you King mrmeaner of lala land. I am going to use this as the office joke of the day.

[studyems]

Phil....You are a HOOT!!!!

[aussiephil]

8)

[Asysin2leads]

My turn, my turn, my turn!

1. Don't ever lie to us, we will find out.

A. Well, while you're at it, use your keen detective skills to figure out when the clutch is burning, too.

2. Girls are petty. Get over it.

A. Guys like explosions and large breasts. Ditto.

3. You don't have PMS so don't act like you know what it's like

A. On the contrary, I don't even act like I care.

4. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.

A. I only bring up the subject of penis with my urologist.

5. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.

A. If you call my friends homeboys, I get to call yours "Bitches and hoes"

6. Be spontaneous. Dinner and a movie gets old.

A. Were staying home and watching TV. Surprise!!!

7. We are drama queens. Never forget that.

A. I'm sorry, I can't hear you, I'm still deaf from the last yime you broke a nail.

8. We absolutely do not care about trucks, paintball, hunting, or anything else you and your friends talk about.

A. A great big ditto for:

What your coworker said about you

The audacity of Cindy wearing the same shoes as you

Shoes, in general

Ponies

Anything on the Lifetime channel

Same goes for 'Oxygen'

How the world would be better if women ran it (snicker)

9. Shave! No matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. We like clean-cut men.

A. Unfortunately for you, the "clean cut" men with the matching trimmed eyebrows and shaved chests you seek, usually aren't out looking for girlfriends, if you catch my drift.

10. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

A. You should be glad you found something to talk about that interests us.

11. Size does matter

A. Sure does, especially in the butt and boobs area.

12. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a hoe.

A. I know, and she f---ed like it, too.

13. No matter what you say, your friends are idiots.

A. I'm sorry if we can't all get together for a pint of Haagen Daas, raw cookie dough, seabreezes and a video of "Hope Floats" like intelligent people.

14. If we slap you, you deserved it.

A. Ever seen a pair of $500 pumps burn?

15. We don't want to pay. Be a man, throw down the cash.

A. Prostitute, definition: A person, usually female, who uses sexual favors in returns for money, goods or services.

16. There are no signs on us that say "Stare at my boobs/butt" or "Grope me, I want it."

A. If you advertise, expect people to want to inspect the merchandise.

17. Don't ask for a Guys Night then bitch about Girls Night.

A. When guys go out and act like a bunch of teenage hookers, we'll talk.

18. Our friends know EVERYTHING. If we say we didn't tell about your little "problem"...we're lying.

A. Good, tell them about my little "problem" with the cell phone bill then.

19. We compare you to our ex-boyfriends...and always tell you that you're the "best" .

A. Considering your last boyfriend was the part time manager of a Taco Bell, I sure as hell hope so.

20. Don't expect us to look like Pamela Anderson if you don't look like Brad Pitt.

A. Pamela Anderson is 90% plastic and has hepatitis C. Shoot a little higher.

21. We will think you are gay if you wear tightie whities on a regular basis.

A. Well, we only think you've gone militant lez about once a month or so.

22. If you want head, give it.

A. Why? A trip to the jewelry store works just as well.

23. Playing the guitar will help you get laid.

A. If you want me to quit my job, sit around the house and sing about my sensitive side, just let me know.

24. Our Daddy can, and will, kick your ass.

A. Not if I don't pay his bail bond, he won't.

25. We fake it. Yes with you. End of story.

A. Next time, fake it with out digging your press ons into my back, k?

And by popular demand...

#26. Please don't ask: "Does that feel good?" If it feels good you will know. Believe us.

A. Right, so you can accuse us of "not being communicative and responsive to your feelings?" Nuh uh, walked into that one too many times.

;)AND a new one!

#27. Guys, don't EVER say: "Cramps can't hurt THAT bad

A. Never ask us to stop for directions and we'll have a deal.

[Happiness]

your single arn't you

[aussiephil]

Happyness,

I think asys & Mr Meaner got u on this lot!!!!!!!!!

[aussiephil]

BTW!! i love phil!

I love you too Jill

[prettyone]

Phil...I agree with ya bud. It is about respect and high grace for people.

[vivibonita]

First things first: Viv, ... And you say men don't listen. :twisted:

:thumbup: There is the comment I was expecting. Good job MrMeaner