Feelings I didnt know I had

[NREMT-Basic]

The highest-speed TacMedicos among you may wonder why I am posting this here. I hope by the end you will understand why I chose to write it where I have.

9/11 has come and gone for another year. Some of us shed tears (like me) and spent a lot of quality time checking and re-checking our cell phones and pagers to see if the call would come to once again clean up and do our best to heal the damage that only the most cowardly human beings can create. They day came. The day went. My cell didn't ring, my pager didn't direct me to my rally point And life was, as much as it has been since that awful day 6 years ago, pretty much normal. Except for a crying spell brought on by feelings I didn't know I had.

About a month ago, I was informed that I had been accepted as a Basic Life Support Specialist with what is arguably the best medical emergency response team in the country and certainly, the first of its kind. IMERT. Illinois Medical Emergency Response Team. Founded in 1999 by a group of emergency medical personnel of all stripes, current and retired military medical staff, computer wizards, logistics technicians, administrators and about a hundred other kinds of volunteers, IMERT is one hell of a dedicated group of people, about 700 strong who have decided that when things are blown up by those that hate us, or nature decides she has been pushed to far and pushes back to remind us of who is really in charge, they would take leave from their day jobs and as so many regulars to this site do, walk into hell when everyone else was running out.

Today, I am sitting in bed with strep throat and not much voice left (a blessing to those whose ears I usually chew off) and complete ICS 100 and 200 and Intro to WMD so that I can go to my first training exercise next weekend at the training facility own by Advanced Medical Transport of Peoria, Illinois. Basically our day will consist of familiarizing ourselves with the team's protocol, and then erecting, evaluating and dis-assembling the tents of what many have called a civilian MASH. So, as a wise man once told me, thus ends theory, let us begin the fact.

I'm not only feeling something I didnt expect to feel, but also something I have never felt before. I don't know a single word which can express it, so I hope you will bear with me for a few more paragraphs.

When I go to what is affectionately called "Boot Camp" next weekend, I will be given alot of information, three black t-shirts and a windbreaker, all emblazoned with the bright blue acronym "IMERT." Ill be told to buy three sets of the best quality khaki BDU's I can get, a new pair of steel toes, a boonie and a patrol cap. Ill be handed the teams signature logo patch, the insignia patch of the US Depart of Homeland Security, of the Illinois Terrorism Task Force and a rocker that says "BLS Specialist." I can hear DustDevil laughing at my new title and wondering what the hell it could possibly mean. Oh and that reminds me my brother, your package is still on the way. Money has been tight, but it will be worth the wait. Lots of extra goodies.

Then there is that last patch. The one I will wear by itself on my right shoulder. By itself, clear of any other clutter or bling. The "stars forward" American flag. The other patches are getting sewn on by the local uniform shop's tailor when I buy my uniforms. The flag...the flag I will bring home and use my own poor sewing to stitch to my uniform myself. I'll probably spend an insane amount of time sewing measuring where she goes and getting her just so before I set to stitching her to my "arm" by hand with needle and thread. It seems the least I can do for her. Though I don't always agree with the policies of the people chosen to represent her, she has come to symbolize for me feelings and a way of being that I never knew I was capable of. These days for reasons that I dont entirely understand, the sight of her makes me stand up a little straighter...steel myself to push just a little harder to do things I didnt know I could do. She reminds me that so many have gone before me without snazzy sounding titles to do more than I can possible conceive. She has been on the arms of so many countless heroes who have truly given their last full measure so that I can say what I mean. But now she reminds me of something even more important than the fact that I have the right to say what I mean. She reminds me that I have to responsibility to always mean what I say. That if I tell someone they aren't going to die, that what I am really saying is that I will bust a gut and whatever else is necessary to do my best to keep them from dying. That if I say I am going to help them, I don't delegate that job to someone else. That if I leave their side with a "I promise I will be right back" that I keep my word so that their already stomach turning fear and uncertainty isn't deepened by someone who can't be bother to hustle just because the trauma hasn't been inflicted on my body. That if I say "Hi there, my name is Steven and Im going to take care of you" that it doesnt mean that I due the bare minimum listed in my assignment description. But that come blood, sweat or tears, I treat them as I would want to be treated myself.

I turn 34 in November of this year. Ive never served a day in the military. Im overweight and out of shape and probably drink way too much coffee. I don't know if I could hit the side of a barn with an M-16 and though I'd like to think I would throw myself on a grenade to save my comrades, Im quietly but intensely relieved that I wont ever have to find out because of the men and women who have worn that flag and gone before me. The soldiers, airman, marines, and sailors. The fire fighters and EMTs. The civilian medics and the 68 Whiskeys and Hospital Corpsman, like the man who taught me everything I know that is worth knowing about EMS. Like our buddy DustDevil who volunteered to not only serve his country, but to do a job most people can't even imagine.

So that's where those tears I mentioned come from these days. I feel others' pain a little more closely like my own lately. I can empathize with the rough days experienced by the little special ed fella I follow everywhere he goes in my day job as he struggles just to pay attention. I worry about the folks in my home town who dont have enough food or a roof over their heads a little more than I used to now.

That flag means something different to me now than she used to. I hope I can live up to what I told her I would do.

[somedic]

If you feel this strongly, I suggest you quit typing rambling posts here about how you feel, loose weight, get in shape and enlist. Go serve the country you love so much. There will be a continuous need for medics for a long time to come. It's great you are so emotional but do something about it like some others of us on here.

Somedic Sends

[NREMT-Basic]

Sorry you feel that way my cold and misinformed brother. Its also clear you cant read very well. Look at the profile under my name. What do you suppose I do? What do you suppose a member of a team called Illinois MEDICAL Emergency Response Team does. I dont drive our trucks and I dont fly our planes. I dont man commo posts and Im not a member of our safety staff. Hmmmm. I wonder whats left? Medical Staff ya think? Fortunately for you, there are people like those 700 I mentioned willing to do disaster medicine so you can wear black nylon with velcro all over it and run around and play flash bangy.

I dont know if you didnt have your ticket or if you were napping, but you sure missed this bus. But if you are a medic, I love ya anyhow, no matter how crass, boorish and thoughtless ya are. Stay safe

[Dustdevil]

Well, I am certainly the last guy here with the right to criticise anybody for rambling. Except maybe for Wendy.

And in this business, I seriously encourage people to become introspective and examine their motivations and goals in order to put their careers into perspective and become comfortable with that. Everybody should be doing that, if not on a daily basis. Although, if everybody posted that here, I'd probably leave the forum, lol. But I've got to respect anybody with the guts to lay it all out there for public consumption like this. We just saw the risk you take by doing so.

I have to admit that I am taking some things of value away from this topic. I wholeheartedly agree that Old Glory deserves at least a few minutes of my care and attention it takes to personally attach her to my uniform, even if it is only to stick the self-adhesive Velcro on the back myself. And I never forget the value and commitment of those who still find other ways to serve when my option isn't necessarily in the cards for them.

[somedic]

nremt-b: Either set your sights on on Hollywood or enlist. I don't think a job as a "BLS Specialist" is going to be high speed enough for you. Just so you know for sure...We don't wear black Thats a Chuch Norris thing. I do like my velcro though. Oh! (I almost forgot ) I happen to have some friends in IMERT that also read this forum and cannot figure out who you are...........But hey let me stop being "cold and misinformed" .

Have a nice day.

Somedic Ends.

[NREMT-Basic]

Oh Somedic, you poor, lonely thing. The last thing I am going to do is get into a contest with you here. Im a little worried if you are truly "black ops" or Blackwater or whatever it is you claim to be because it seems you wouldnt be able to read enough to know which side of a claymore says "this side toward enemy."

The reason that IMERT folks may not know who I am yet is because, as I said, "Boot Camp" is this upcoming weekend. The ironic part about you saying they had no idea who I was is that other than that I am from Illinois and my name is Steven, you have no idea who I am. The 700 or so folks that make up IMERT are spread from one end of the state to the other. Some of us will never meet each other. Sorry bro, that one dont wash. Do you want my CRIS number? Do ya know what a CRIS number is? If ya did and have been privileged to get one, you can use your brain (for something other than a seat cushion) and find me at anytime. Ill be waiting to hear from you. The work we do doesnt require us to pretend to be secret squirrels. For obvious reasons, I dont post my entire life's worth of personal information on line and in the clear. Pull your pants back up buddy...your ignorance is showing.

As for high speed, I dont need it. Been there, done that, have the T-shirt. As for your advice to me to get in shape and quit whining, Ive lost 45 pounds in the last 18 months in the process of recovering from an accident that almost landed me in the LODD list. As for me getting in shape, I will meet you, at the time of your choosing, at the bottom of Sandia Crest in New Mexico. Ill give you the "jump start" of supplemental oxygen cause we're gonna be starting at 6,000 ft. Then when the 70 pounds packs are on, we'll go unassisted to 11,000 ft, crack a beer and come back down again. Same day, no campy stops or poddy breaks. Or if thats not high speed enough for YOU, we can go to 13k and have two beers, though I better put in for two tanks of oxygen for ya cause Im not in the mood to have to carry your sorry back side back down a mountain. Any day, any time and the plane tickets are on me.

It would seem that you have a great many talents in life and unlike you, I am not going to question your honor by questioning who you are, the validity of what you say or the veracity of what you do. Men of true honor dont ask those kinds of questions. They dont check each others credentials. Come of the playground little boy cause once again youre all wet. If you cant play with the big dogs, Im sorry. If you wont save a life without a paycheck, Im even sorrier for you. If you attack me in public again, youre dumber than you have already shown yourself to be.

So far, two individuals have responded to what I posted. One of them is a man for whom I have learned great respect. Whose credentials I dont question and who doesnt question mine by talking to friends he supposedly has in my outfit. Ive got a friend who has been with IMERT since 1999, and he has never heard of you, so...what does that prove. He is a former special operations medic, he has still never heard of you.....so...what does that prove? He was a SWAT medic and he DID wear black....what does that prove. Ill leave the face paint and your perverted version of the warrior ethos to you. You seem to need it. It would seem that it identifies you more than any driver's license or other ID ever could. Special Operations Medic. Bravo Zulu to you. Id rather draw my gear with men like DustDevil. He would bust a gut to save a life. I dont think you would even break a sweat unless you knew there was a medal or commendation coming out of it.

Maybe you are willing to do your job and take the flag off and stick it in your pocket when its important that the rules of engagement dont apply. For me the rules of engagement are that if the people that I work with and I dont keep our word, people die. The flag I wear is on my sleeve in full color for all to see...permanent....unquestionable and unremoveable.

Come out of the BlackWater, my tired brother. You're in way over your head.

[NREMT-Basic]

PS-

If you have friends in IMERT, you know that what it takes is a request from a governor who has declared a state of emergency and a memorandum of understanding (MOU) with his states department of health and we will go to his state. Before I joined the team, they went to NOLA. WHen they get called to that kind of situation again, Ill be going with them. How better would you suggest that I serve my country? Oh and by the way, I am enlisting. As soon as my MS degree is finished, I will be signing on with the USPHS with the intent to put in 20 years of AD. Can I help you with anything else? And before you go there, you can save your next tirade and explain to the LT. Cmndr. who is working with my recruiting process that the USPHS Commissioned Officers Corps isnt military. You can thank him for the PPE and drugs you take before and during one of your deployments. Unless of course you ARE with BlackWater USA and then, well then I suppose you buy yours meds from some other country. Watch out for the Mexican Quinine...Ive heard its a real killer.

[somedic]

Steven (nremtb) Im ....ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Somedic Sends.

[NREMT-Basic]

So am I but not for the same reasons. Its all about the info, friend.

"A wise warrior does not retreat when he is losing. He retreats when he is winning, knowing that his enemy will give chase and exhaust himself and in doing so make a fatal error. It will then not be necessary for that warrior to dispatch his foe because he will fall upon his own sword and spill his intestines on the field where they will become food for the vultures. A wise warrior needs no weapon in his hand. He needs only to know how to let his opponent slay himself. A wise warrior fights with information not steel...for knowledge is truly the tip of the spear." --Me

---NREMT-Basic Stands Down.

[Eydawn]

Dust? Did you mean me, or WendyT? I try not to ramble!

Wendy

CO-EMT-B