haha funny stuff.

[gilesrescue386]

I found these online and thought they were funny. Hope you like them.

________________________________________________________________________

Miranda rights of EMS: You have the right to be spinal immobilized, despite the fact that you were only hit at the speed equivalent to that of a sloth on Valium.

If you give up this right to abuse the system, any attempt to fake neck pain later on can and will be used against you in the course of me starting multiple, painful, large-bore IVs.

You have the right to distract the ER physician from treating any real patients and to have an attorney present, which is why the ER staff will do needless tests and procedures to begin with, just so they can cover their own butts.

If you cannot afford a new car, a new car will be won for you by your unethical, ambulance-chasing, low-life, blood-sucking lawyer—by tying up the judicial system for years in the hopes that the poor bastard who tapped your back bumper will settle out of court, at no cost to you.

If you understand these rights as read to you, please nod your head violently up and down.

Whacker (noun): Any EMT, Firefighter, Rescue Worker

who enjoys his job simply for the pleasure of...

A. Hearing their own voice on the radio

B. Using lights and sirens on the ambulance/fire truck

C. Using lights and sirens on their personal vehicle

D. A life time subscription to Galls because of the sheer amount of stuff ordered from them

E. Having more stuff on their work belt then Batman

F. Only showing up (whether they were dispatched or not) for the 'good calls'(car rollovers, structure fires, High angle rescues)

G. once in while having patient contact

H. Wearing anything that has their fire company on it so they can get 50% off in stores or food

I. Wearing their Class A uniforms to parades and to public events

J. Driving around with a bumper sticker that says... "My wife said 'if I go to the fire house one more time I'm going to leave you'...boy I'm going to miss her..."

K. Taking their lunch break and going to the fire house

J. Calling their favorite Rig or engine "my baby"

L. Sneaking out of their house at 2:30 in the morning so they can go wax their "BABY"

M. Having pictures at work of their "BABY" and keeping the pictures of their real children at home

N. Having at least one room full of Fire and EMS stuff

O. When on vacation visiting the local Fire and EMS departments

[itku2er]

Good ones

[katbemeEMT-B]

:sign5: I sent this to my boss. He'll love it.

[gilesrescue386]

thought I'd post another one. what ya think?

________________________________________________________________________

You know your in EMS when...

1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.

2) You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

3) You believe that 80% of people are a waste of good air.

4) Your idea of a good time is a shooting or a car crash (Rollover).

5) You put your finger on the emergency button on your radio when anyone seems friendly towards you.

6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.

7) You disbelieve 90% what you hear and 75% what you see.

8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.

9) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.

11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."

12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

14) You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .15.

15) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around while driving.

16) If anyone has ever said to you, "There are people dying out there and you are here eating lunch."

17) People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places...and you know where they're located.

18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.

19) You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

20) You walk into places and people think its high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."

21) You do not see daylight from November until May.

22) People shout, "I aint sick!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.

23) A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 t-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, 5 pairs of underwear, and one pair of pants.

24) You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday".

25) You've ever written off cell phone bills and sun glasses as a business deduction.

26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."

27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.

28) You find humor in other people's stupidity.

29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.

30) You've been asked at least a million times "what's the grossest/worst call you've ever seen/been on?"

31) you get pissed when people refer to you as an "ambulance driver".

32) You realize that a garbage man and a construction flag man makes more money than you.

33) You can drive emergent at 75mph through rush hour traffic while eating a burrito, cussing out the driver in front of you, talking on your cell phone, copying the dispatcher on the radio, and putting your hair into a pony-tail all at the same time.

34) Making your partner laugh so hard they pee, gag til they vomit, or scream til they cry are daily missions and are rated as a "great day at work!"

35) You've ever heard this lame pick up line, "I think I need mouth to mouth."

36) You expect to run more calls than hours that you work in a day.

37) You can carry on an entire conversation with a fellow medic using only 10-codes and acronyms.

38) You have pulled out the pram and used it to sunbathe on while posting.

39) You and your co-workers compare pictures of mangled extremities on your camera phones.

40) During episodes of insomnia you turn on COPS because radio traffic, screaming, and sirens are soothing to you.

41) You eat at least 2 meals per week consisting of nothing but handisnacks, fritos, granola bars, and little tubs of juice.

42) You know more personal information about your coworkers than your significant other.

43) You can name 25% of the dialysis dependent community in your town.

44) You can count the number of hours you've slept this week on one hand.

[Chief1C]

6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.

NO! Because then we'd have thousands of calls for allergic reactions, altered mental status and abdominal pain.

[Lone Star]

thought I'd post another one. what ya think?

________________________________________________________________________

You know your in EMS when...

1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.

2) You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

3) You believe that 80% of people are a waste of good air.

4) Your idea of a good time is a shooting or a car crash (Rollover).

5) You put your finger on the emergency button on your radio when anyone seems friendly towards you.

6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.

7) You disbelieve 90% what you hear and 75% what you see.

8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.

9) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.

11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it right the first time."

12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

14) You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .15.

15) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around while driving.

16) If anyone has ever said to you, "There are people dying out there and you are here eating lunch."

17) People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places...and you know where they're located.

18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.

19) You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.

20) You walk into places and people think its high comedy to seize their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."

21) You do not see daylight from November until May.

22) People shout, "I aint sick!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.

23) A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 t-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, 5 pairs of underwear, and one pair of pants.

24) You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday".

25) You've ever written off cell phone bills and sun glasses as a business deduction.

26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."

27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.

28) You find humor in other people's stupidity.

29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.

30) You've been asked at least a million times "what's the grossest/worst call you've ever seen/been on?"

31) you get pissed when people refer to you as an "ambulance driver".

32) You realize that a garbage man and a construction flag man makes more money than you.

33) You can drive emergent at 75mph through rush hour traffic while eating a burrito, cussing out the driver in front of you, talking on your cell phone, copying the dispatcher on the radio, and putting your hair into a pony-tail all at the same time.

34) Making your partner laugh so hard they pee, gag til they vomit, or scream til they cry are daily missions and are rated as a "great day at work!"

35) You've ever heard this lame pick up line, "I think I need mouth to mouth."

36) You expect to run more calls than hours that you work in a day.

37) You can carry on an entire conversation with a fellow medic using only 10-codes and acronyms.

38) You have pulled out the pram and used it to sunbathe on while posting.

39) You and your co-workers compare pictures of mangled extremities on your camera phones.

40) During episodes of insomnia you turn on COPS because radio traffic, screaming, and sirens are soothing to you.

41) You eat at least 2 meals per week consisting of nothing but handisnacks, fritos, granola bars, and little tubs of juice.

42) You know more personal information about your coworkers than your significant other.

43) You can name 25% of the dialysis dependent community in your town.

44) You can count the number of hours you've slept this week on one hand.

Here's a couple more I thought should be added to the list:

45) Your boots have been seized by the EPA, DNR, or the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission as hazardous materials.

46) You've discussed with your partner which is better for dinner: pizza and beer or spaghetti and red wine; while performing a gastric lavage.