post - cis problem

[certguy]

Guys , I've got a problem . about 20 years ago , I ran the most emotionally draining call I ever had . A father tried to kill his 2 week old son . The parents brought him to a Kaiser clinic because he was crying too much . All 4 extremities had angulated fx . , as well as head and chest trauma . This was a twilight zone call from the start . I had a brand new partner fresh out of EMT school who wasn't driver certified , and a DR. insistant on taking the baby to Kaiser hosp. versus Children's Hosp. ( pediatric trauma center ) . I was ordered by our manager to go to Kaiser . When we got there , the parents were waiting . The husband looked predatory - coal black eyes with no emotion , and the mom was terrified - head down , totally silent , about 15 feet behind the husband the whole time . To this day , I believe I was looking at pure evil . We were met by several staff members and escorted directly to the ped floor . On the way , I asked him how this happened . He looked me square in the eyes and said " Beats the He-- out of me ! " At the time , I thought it was a great idea , something in me snapped , and I started for him . If it meant me going to prison , I was going to take him out to protect mom and baby . Thank god , several security guards , doctors , and my partner jumped between us . I didn't realise it yet , but I'd had a CIS reaction . Afterward , our field supervisor did his best to talk me down , then gave me several days off with pay and gave me the option of getting help . In those days , this wasn't considered much of an option , so I John Wayne'd my way through it . So here I am , 20 yrs. down the line with a call ( the only one ) that still tears me up . Any ideas ? By the way , the baby made it , though I don't know about brain damage or other lasting problems , and law enforcement hooked the guy up the moment he stepped off the elevator on felony child abuse charges . It should've been attempted murder . I wondre if he got jailhouse justice ?

CERTGUY

[BushyFromOz]

No offence mate, but if its that bad, go and see some professional help - not CIS, and leave it off random online forums.

Thats the best advice you will get here.

[itku2er]

We all have calls that will torture us till the end. But I think after 20 years you need to see a professional, This isnt a CISM problem anymore.

Terr