ARE YOU READY TO HAVE KIDS??

[Britpara]

Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests...

** MESS TEST:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

** TOY TEST:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego. (If Lego is not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

** GROCERY STORE TEST:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

** DRESSING TEST:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

** FEEDING TEST:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

** NIGHT TEST:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

** PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

** PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

** FINAL ASSIGNMENT:

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

[Scaramedic]

Thanks for that Mate, scheduling a vasectomy immediately! :shock:

Peace,

Marty

[brentoli]

** FINAL ASSIGNMENT:

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Everyone else tells us how to do our jobs. Why cant we tell someone sometimes?

[steph1030]

thats too funny and cute ...........

[Jess]

LOL! Now thats good!

[CoyoteMedic]

thats great.

[katbemeEMT-B]

Funny but true.

[DwayneEMTP]

And lastly I would add...

Go and stand on the very edge of the Grand Canyon...

Notice how in one moment you can feel completely alive, in awe, totally fullfilled.....while suddenly realizing you are not the most important thing in the universe...and that makes you happy.

That's what if feels like to share your life with a child, and why all that other stuff is unimportant...

[itku2er]

That's what if feels like to share your life with a child, and why all that other stuff is unimportant...

I agree 100% with that nothing makes life more worth living than a child.

Terr

[mrs_hammerhead]

[/font:44e7ecce65] I love this topic! I couldn't agree more. My kids are the most amazing people, but that doesn't mean I knew what I was getting into before they got here!

A friend sent me this U tube link that I thought was really cute and on the subject.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!